Deals
by Candy-Vegetto
Summary: This is the story where Dipper and Bill have this neutral friendship and make deals with each other. Deals like opening soda cans, holding a lemonade store, advice on eating apples and doing laundry. And then there's Mabel turning into a love goddess and
1. Dipper and Soda Cans

_Dipper knows Bill Cipher's deals were terrible. Even if they're 99% off, they're still terrible sales. They're just... terrible. But it's become a daily nuisance for him to make deals with the devil. Really. Even something as easy as opening soda cans. (NOT BillDip) (Probably AU)_

* * *

 **Deals**

 **Day 1: _Dipper and Soda Cans_**

* * *

Dipper hummed his favorite song as he walked to the fridge, thinking of getting some pitt cola; his favorite drink. As he opened the refrigerator door and got himself a can of the soda, he noticed how he couldn't open the tab like he used to. His noodle arms were too weak to open it and it was such a hot day. His thirst for his favorite chilled drink made him want it even more. Wait, I don't think that sentence made any sense. Never mind, it did.

"Darn, it's stuck." Dipper said. "Maybe if I ask someone to help me... no, that's too embarrassing."

Everything faded to black and white, like it was drained of the color. Coincidentally, a golden dream-demon of the triangular shape, popped in the room, and the chills got to the twelve year-old boy. The handsome two-dimensional pyramid was clad in his regular bow tie and top hat, always looking for a job. His flamboyant one eye was contemplating at Dipper, who stumbled backwards in fear. We shall praise the dream-demon for his anarchy.

"STOP FLATTERING ME." the flying triangle ordered, its voice echoing unnaturally. "I'M NOT USED TO BEING ON THE GOOD SIDE."

"Wh-What?" Dipper asked, his hands trembling with the can of pitt cola.

"IT'S NOTHING, LLAMA." Bill Cipher replied.

"Did you just call me Llama?" Dipper responded.

"YES, I'VE DECIDED THAT BECAUSE YOUR NAME'S LLAMANAC." Bill said, much to Dipper's discomfort. "NOW I HAVE TO FIND _ANOTHER_ PINE TREE. WELL, I THINK IT'S EASY ENOUGH. I'LL JUST GET A LITERAL PINE TREE. HAHAHA."

"What do you want?" Dipper demanded, his confidence regained.

"AW SHUCKS, LLAMA, YOU'RE ALWAYS STRAIGHT TO THE POINT. WAIT, THAT'S PINE TREE'S THING." Bill snapped his fingers and a potted pine tree appeared out of nowhere. "NOW _THIS_ IS STRAIGHT TO THE POINT."

"Well _you're_ not straight to the point." Dipper remarked.

"OF COURSE. I'M A DEMON. WHY SHOULD I BE 'STRAIGHT TO THE POINT'? HOW CAN I DO MY DEALS IF NO ONE LIKES IT? I EXAGGERATE SO PEOPLE TRUST ME." Bill explained.

Dipper frowned at him. "What do you want?"

"I'M THIRSTY." Bill answered. "CAN WE MAKE A DEAL?" he asked, giving his hand out to shake.

"I could give you water." Dipper said. "I guess we _can_ make a deal."

"GREAT, LLAMA. WHAT DO _YOU_ WANT?" Bill asked.

"I would like to open this can of soda." Dipper answered, showing the drink.

Silence ensued.

"REALLY?"

"Yes."

"I COULD GIVE YOU ANYTHING. AND ALL YOU WANT IS FROM ME TO OPEN A SODA CAN?"

"I can't ask anybody else. It's embarrassing. With you here, nobody will know."

"C'MON, LLAMA. YOU GOTTA THINK OF SOMETHING BETTER THAN _THAT_."

"Fine, open this can of soda and don't tell anyone about this."

Bill's eye twitched. He was a demon, yes. He'd take any opportunity to delude someone. But with someone as clever as Dipper was, he couldn't take this offer. He had a plan if he was so sure that the only thing he wanted in return of a drink, was to open a soda can.

"THAT'S ALL YOU WANT?"

"What? You can't open a simple soda can?" Dipper taunted.

"NEITHER CAN YOU, LLAMA." Bill retorted.

"Darn. Walked right into that one."

"WHO ARE YOU? WHAT DID YOU DO TO THE _REAL_ DIPPER PINES?"

"Well, as you called me. My name is Llamanac 'Dipper' Pines and my symbol is apparently Llama, formerly Pine Tree. I think I should act more like one to uphold my identity." Dipper explained.

Bill put his hands on his acute angles. "YOU DON'T KNOW HOW A LLAMA ACTS LIKE. YOUR MIND IS MAKING IT UP."

"C'mon, Cipher, a deal's a deal. Open this soda can for me, and I'll give you water for your thirst."

"FINE."

Bill snatched the can of soda and opened it in one try. Dipper was enthusiastic, till the dream-demon decided to glug it all down without a mouth. Bill finished the drink and tossed it in Dipper's hands, before wiping where his mouth should be and burping.

"BOY, THAT WATER SURE TASTED FINE." Bill remarked sarcastically.

"What the heck! We had a _deal_!" Dipper shouted, throwing down the empty can with a thud.

"I'M NOT PLAYIN' ANY OF YOUR GAMES, LLAMA." Bill yelled. "BESIDES, WATER IS A HUNDRED PERCENT LIQUID. SO IS PITT COLA. BOTH ARE CLASSIFIED UNDER MY DIRECTORY OF A 'DRINK'. AND BY MY DEFINITION, A DRINK IS A WATER."

"That doesn't make any sense! You mean 'water is a drink', not the other way around!"

"PINE TR—" Bill paused, correcting himself. "—LLAMA! MY DEALS, MY RULES. GO LIVE WITH IT."

Dipper went through one of the drawers and found a knife. He pointed the knife at his heart, and replied, "Maybe I _won't_ live with it!"

"LLAMA, WE BOTH KNOW YOU WON'T DO IT. BESIDES, I CAN REPLACE YOU. YOU'RE NOT ANYONE IMPORTANT."

Dipper huffed, putting the knife in the drawer. "'Not anyone important'..." he mocked under his breath. "Pff, what does he know?"

"I KNOW EVERYTHING." Bill responded. "BY THE WAY, NICE UNDERPANTS. PINK IS TOTALLY YOUR COLOR."

"Wait, _wha_ —"

Bill began chanting his spell to leave Dipper's mind. "REALITY IS AN ILLUSION. THE UNIVERSE IS A HOLOGRAM. BYE GOLD. BYE!"

And he vanished in a bright triangular light. All color in the room came back, and Dipper checked to see if he was wearing pink underwear. He didn't. He looked up where he last saw Bill.

"What the heck did he mean by 'pink underpants'?" he scoffed, before opening the fridge door and getting himself another pitt cola can.

He opened it with a fizz and gulped it all down, before choking and hacking out pink underwear. He screamed like a girl as he threw the can at the ground, which broke into pieces and revealed a bunch of pink clothing. Grunkle Stan walked in the room with a bored look and a scowl, and the first thing he saw was Dipper throwing up a pair of pink panties. The middle-aged man blinked tiredly, before turning away and leaving Dipper to do his thing.

Dipper finished vomitting a pink sweater, before shouting at the heavens. "SCREW YOU, BILL CIPHER!"

Mabel walked in the room, and recognize the pieces of clothing that was laying on the floor. "Hey, that's my sweater." she revealed, before drinking on a bottle, not a can, a _bottle_ of pitt cola. She spit out the remains when she noticed a _particular_ article of clothing that Dipper had on him. "Hey! Those are Pacifica's! I'd recognize that _thing_ anywhere!"

Dipper gagged when he realized where they had just been. _No... Mabel, don't say it._

Mabel nudged him. "Where did you get _those_ , you rascal?"

He was doomed to hell.

* * *

 **A/N: This is going to be a fun little series where Dipper and Bill make deals. Terrible deals. Like, buying a pen for a thousand dollars, no discount.**

 **THIS ONE'S A WARM-UP. I SWEAR. I CAN BE FUNNY. Chapter two will be _much_ longer, that I can tell.**

 **Also, fun fact: Bill didn't shake his hand with Dipper.**


	2. Dipper and Lemonade

**Deals**

 **Day 2: _Dipper and Lemonade_**

* * *

"You can't make a legitimate business out of lemonade." Dipper mumbled in a bad impression of Grunkle Stan's voice. He shouted at the sky, shaking a fist. "Oh, I'll show him! I'll show _everybody_!"

A few people that were walking around decided that it'd be best to stay away from the lemonade stand.

Dipper huffed as he crossed his arms. If he wanted to make a profit, he'd have to make money off of something that was easy to do. Everybody loves lemonade, right? I mean, there was even that popular phrase that 'when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade', or something like that. People would definitely buy a cup of lemonade for a dollar, right?

Maybe he should raise the prices...

Okay, people would _definitely_ buy a cup of lemonade for _two_ dollars, right? It's the _summer_ , people feel hot and would want a drink for their thirst.

This was too reminiscent of what had happened yesterday with Bill Cipher and the soda cans. He stored that pink clothing in a wooden trunk and threw it in the bottomless pit. There's no way _anyone_ could find it. Now, Dipper was wary that Bill meant bad supernatural things and if you toyed with him, he'll make a small detail in one of his lines that would come true. In yesterday's case, 'Nice underpants. Pink is totally your color'.

He wrote that in the journal, and knew he would be serious business—

Business.

Maybe he could let yesterday slide and let bygones be bygones. He could make a deal with Bill Cipher to make this lemonade parlor the greatest business this world could see. Then, he could rub it in Grunkle Stan's face, show him how lemonade is a legit business and not to be trifled with. He'll just need to summon Bill Cipher, and—

"YEAH, I HEAR YOU, LLAMA." Bill said.

Dipper screamed like a baby when he only noticed that Bill had been floating there for quite awhile and that the landscape was already black and white. The tourists in the parking space of the Mystery Shack stopped moving. Dipper took a second to recover from his near-fatal heart attack. "Geez, Bill, don't you knock?"

It took Bill a while to reply.

"NO."

"Well, what do you want now?"

"I'M THIRSTY."

"Again?" Dipper asked.

"DON'T FRET. IT'S BEEN A DAY SINCE I DRANK SOMETHING."

"You mean that pitt cola you stole from me was the only thing you drank this whole time?"

"WHAT DID YOU THINK? YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE THAT TRUSTS ME."

"No, I don't."

"LEMONADE BUSINESS."

"Oh, right. You know what I'm thinking."

"I WANT LEMONADE. FOR FREE. AND AS A DEAL, WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO DO?" Bill asked.

"Don't _eff_ with me this time, Cipher." Dipper demanded, pointing at him. "This is a _serious_ lemonade business."

"YEAH, LEMONADE'S _PRETTY_ SERIOUS." Bill rolled his one eye.

"I can fight you with this!" Dipper replied, taking a jug of lemonade from his wooden desk, which was also the lemonade stand.

"SURE, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? SPLASH IT ON MY EYE? THAT WON'T WORK, LLAMA."

"You're only making me think that!"

"LOOK, IT WON'T—"

Diper threw the contents of the jug at Bill's only eye, and it ended with agony and anguish. The yellow liquid made one small contact with his eye, and it turned bloodshot red from the pain. Bill tolerated it for a second, trying to scare Dipper into thinking it didn't work, before making a loud outburst that declared Dipper as the winner.

"AHH! MY _EYE_!" Bill covered it with his small limbs. "WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!"

"To prove a point." Dipper answered.

"OKAY. LEMONADE'S A SERIOUS BUSINESS. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?"

"For your thirst, we'll make a deal that you'd help me in this lemonade business." Dipper said, taking out his hand. "We didn't shake on it yesterday, and I want to make sure you won't go back on your deal."

Bill snapped his fingers and blue flames surrounded his hand. He shook his hands with Dipper and the blue flames took over their body for an instant, sealing the deal.

"THERE. I'LL 'HELP' YOU."

Dipper's smile faded.

"What?"

"I'LL HELP YOU LIKE A NORMAL PERSON WOULD. NO POWERS."

Dipper's eye twitched. "No... reality-bending powers?"

"NONE OF THE LIKES. YOU WANT TO DO THIS AS REAL AS POSSIBLE, THERE'LL BE NO CHEATING. THIS'LL BE A TWO-MAN GROUP."

Dipper slumped.

"C'MON, LLAMA, IT'LL BE FUN! YOU AND I, MAKING LEMONADE AND MAKING FANGIRLS SQUIRM TILL THEY REALIZE IT'S NOT THAT LEMON."

"What are you—"

"I'M INSANE, KID. DON'T QUESTION WHAT YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW."

"I'm pretty sure I don't."

The two sat in silence, one of them asking himself inwardly why everything's still black and white. The golden triangle broke the silence.

"THEY SAY YOU'RE CUTE AND THINK WE SHOULD GET TOGETHER."

Dipper stood up from his seat, disgusted, and wanted to stay far from Bill while maintaining the store. " _Who's_ saying that?"

"THE FANGIRLS."

"I have fangirls?" Dipper thought about it, and shook his head, looking smug that he figured out what Bill was trying to do. "No, you're only making me think that. You can't trick me with your psychological tricks, Cipher!"

"SUIT YOURSELF."

"I'm just gonna ignore how you made that small move on me."

"OH, _I_ DIDN'T MAKE THE MOVE. SOMEONE OUT THERE DID."

Dipper snapped, "Are you gonna help me in this lemonade business?"

"WELL, I'M UNIVERSALLY INCLINED TO. I MADE THAT DEAL." Bill explained, "WELL, SOMEONE _MADE_ ME MAKE THAT DEAL, BUT WE'RE NOT GOING TO GO THERE."

"You're insane."

"AND AT THE SAME TIME, SANE."

"Who would think that?"

"OH, PEOPLE WHO'RE READING THIS."

"What do you mean? How can people _read_ this? If you were sane, you'd be saying people are _watching_ this."

"BUT I'M NOT SANE _AND_ NOT INSANE." Bill asked, "SO WHAT AM I, LLAMA?"

"I don't care! Why's it still black and white?"

"I DON'T EXIST IN THE REAL WORLD. YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW THAT." Bill informed.

"So, who are the people that exist in _this_ plane of dimension?" Dipper asked.

"ME AND THE TEN SYMBOLS, WHO ARE STILL NOT PICKED YET. WELL, I COULD, BUT I'D LIKE TO WAIT." Bill said, twisting the cane in his hand.

"You mean, the people you call names? Like—"

"PINE TREE!" Bill snapped his fingers, and a potted pine tree popped into existence and stood in front of the line. "IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU, HOW'VE YOU BEEN?"

No response.

"HA, NICE TALKING WITH YOU. WANT SOME LEMONADE?"

Again, no response.

"HERE." Bill took a jug and watered the plant with lemonade.

"Bill, what are you doing?!" Dipper cried.

"THIS GUY'S THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN SENSE THE DREAMSCAPE OPENING. AND SO CAN _YOU_! AND SOME OTHERS!"

"Who else can?" Dipper asked.

There was a response, but not from Bill himself.

"Dipping-sauce! Nobody's moving! Are _you_ moving? Or at least _okay_? Please tell me this is another great tradition to celebrate. I don't want to be left out." a female voice cried out. Dipper could recognize that voice anywhere.

"Mabel!" he shouted, turning to her.

"Yay, Mabel!" Mabel exclaimed, punching the air. "Wait, why are we yelling my name?"

"Mabel, we're in the dreamscape." Dipper explained.

"Yeah, and I can see that you dreamed of partnering with a flying dorito to make a lemonade stand for a pine trees." Mabel pointed out. "Where's _my_ crazy dream?!"

"HIYA, SHOOTING STAR!" Bill waved.

"Heya, flying dorito!" Mabel waved at him.

Bill whispered into Dipper's ear. "I LIKE HER ENTHUSIASM."

Dipper glared at him. "You don't tell that to the girl's brothe—"

"I'D LIKE TO WATCH THAT LIGHT IN HER EYES _BURN_." he added.

Dipper looked away. "Never mind."

"So, Dipper, lemonade stand, Bill Cipher, potted pine trees. Wassup with that?" Mabel asked.

"I made a deal with Bill to make this the best lemonade stand possible and wanted his partnership. It seems that he only appears in the dreamscape so I have to work with him and anyone else that can feel this distortion in space and time." Dipper explained. "And Bill replaced me with a pine tree and now I'm Llama. For reasons unknown—"

"HIS NAME IS—"

"For reasons unknown!" Dipper shouted, rivalling Bill's tone. "So, Pine Tree here is our only customer."

"AND IT'S BEEN A SUCCESSFUL BUSINESS IN DREAMSCAPE TERMS." Bill remarked. "BECUASE THERE'S LITERALLY NOBODY ELSE THAT HAS MADE A BUSINESS IN THE DREAMSCAPE. GOTTA HAND IT TO YA, LLAMA, YOU HAVE MADE HISTORY IN THE RECORD BOOKS."

"Shut up." Dipper replied, before turning to his sister. "Now you know why we're in this mess."

Mabel narrowed her eyes at him. "You did all this because you're mad at Grunkle Stan, aren't you?"

Dipper's eyes widened. "How did you know?!"

"Dipper, I can read you like a book. A little too much." Mabel informed.

Dipper sighed. "So, do you want to buy some lemonade from the first and _only_ business in the dreamscape?"

"If it makes you happy." Mabel smiled. "One cup please. And for two dollars?! What a scam, bro."

"Hey, I gotta make a profit in the dreamscape." Dipper shrugged.

"AWW, THE FLUFFINESS IN THIS SCENE." Bill remarked, "WE COULD RECORD AND SELL THIS TO A GUY NAMED ALEX."

"Bill, what the heck. Go and get a cup of lemonade for Mabel." Dipper ordered.

"SURE THING, LLAMA." Bill pointed at him with his hands in a gun-like position, where you aim at someone with your index finger and make it look like it was a gun, before floating away.

"So, what's the real reason he calls you Llama?" Mabel asked.

"Not telling." Dipper replied.

"I'M BACK!" Bill exclaimed, holding a cup of lemonade. "HERE, SHOOTING STAR, TAKE IT WITH YOUR LIFE."

"Uh... thanks." she replied, taking the cup, but not drinking it. She knew Dipper couldn't make a simple jug of lemonade properly. All he'd do is put lemon juice. No sugar or water added. So she just held it in her hands. "It's nice..."

"DON'T FLATTER ME." Bill warned, pointing at the cup by directing _Dipper's_ index finger at it. "I'M LIABLE TO POISON THAT DRINK."

"Not like Dipper couldn't make it any worse... Eheh..." she slyly remarked.

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?" Dipper demanded.

Bill read her mind and knew. "HAH. LLAMA CAN'T EVEN MAKE LEMONADE PROPERLY."

"What?! Of course I know how to!" Dipper said. "Tell him, Mabel."

"Uh..."

"I READ IT FROM HER MIND, LLAMA."

"You did?" Dipper turned to Mabel. "What's so bad about my lemonade?"

"Let's just say... a lemonade business won't work out for you." Mabel said.

"Why not?"

She sighed, "You don't know how to make lemonade."

"It's just lemon juice. How bad can it be?" Dipper waved it off.

The three noticed Soos walking towards them.

"Hey, dudes. I just noticed everyone's playing statue, like," Soos took a pose that looked like a T-rex. "And they're all not responding to my questions. Like, why are they like that?"

"Because we're in the dreamscape." Dipper explained. The boy turned to Bill. "What's _his_ symbol?"

"QUESTION MARK." Bill answered.

Soos noticed the board that said 'lemonade' hanging on the table. "Hey, lemonade! Here's two dollars, dude." Soos placed two one-dollar bills onto the counter, and Bill handed him a cup of yellow liquid. "Say, Dipper, did you make this?"

Dipper was silent, before answering, "Yes."

"Oh, great, dude." Soos held the cup, not even bothering to drink it. "So, what's the secret?"

"You didn't even taste it—"

"YEAH, LLAMA, WHAT'S THE _SECRET_?" Bill asked.

"Pure lemon juice." Dipper answered, with Mabel in the back mimicking him.

"Yes, I guessed it right!" Soos informed, doing a fist pump.

Dipper looked up at Bill. "I READ HIS MIND. HE'S RIGHT, HE _DID_ GUESS IT RIGHT. AND UPON READING HIS MIND, I THINK QUESTION MARK'S A BAD NAME FOR SOMEONE THAT KNOWS A _LOT_. I'LL CALL YOU... TAD STRANGE."

"What's that?" Dipper asked.

"I DUNNO. SOMETHING I THOUGHT OF. NOT ONE OF THE SYMBOLS, THAT'S FOR SURE." Bill laughed.

"Wait, Soos is _that_ important?" Dipper inquired.

"YEAH, WHY NOT. HE SEEMS LIKE A SMART GUY."

"Hah, the flying dorito called me smart." Soos remarked as he took a sip from the cup, forgetting it's pure lemon juice, and recoiling from its sourness. He couldn't say a thing after drinking the stuff.

"YEP, SMART GUY, ALRIGHT." Bill said, his eye half-lidded in a relaxed manner. "TOTALLY _NAILED_ THE NAME. TAD STRANGE. HAH." He then looked away and raised an eyebrow. "WAIT A MINUTE, WASN'T TAD STRANGE THE GUY WHO COULDN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT BLACK HOLE PLUS DARK MATTER WAS? EH, NEVER MIND."

"So, when are we exitting the dreamscape?" Mabel asked.

"WHEN YOU'RE OUT OF MY BOUNDARY." Bill answered.

"Can we leave?" Mabel asked.

"I MADE A DEAL WITH LLAMA TO MAKE THIS LEMONADE STAND SUCCESSFUL. AND IT IS."

"In dreamscape terms." Dipper groaned.

"HEY. YOU NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT REALITY YOU WANTED TO BE SUCCESSFUL IN." Bill retorted. "I'VE FULFILLED MY END OF THE BARGAIN. YOU EARNED FOUR DOLLARS IN THE DREAMSCAPE, AND _I_..." He took a jug of lemonade from Dipper's table. "...GET FREE LEMONADE. A DEAL'S A DEAL, RIGHT, LLAMA?"

Dipper slumped in his seat. "Yes."

"WELL THEN, BOTTOMS UP!" Bill exclaimed, and chugged down pure lemon juice without realizing it. The dream-demon's hand slipped on the jug when he found out he wasn't drinking lemonade. He was drinking a hundred percent lemon juice. The golden triangle just floated in silence, his one pupil shrinking in fear.

"Oh, I get it, he just drank pure lemon juice." Mabel pointed out.

"YOU WIN THIS TIME, LLAMA." Bill declared angrily. He took his cane and pointed at Pine Tree, taking it with him. He began chanting his goodbye ritual. "REALITY IS AN ILLUSION. THE UNIVERSE IS A HOLOGRAM. BUY GOLD. BYE!"

The triangle demon and potted Pine Tree vanished in a bright light, and color came back to everyone and everything. Dipper sighed at his failed lemonade business.

"Well, you earned four dollars and won against Bill Cipher, what are you going to do now?" Mabel asked.

"Buy erasers to rub out all the triangles I've drawn for my mathematics homework." Dipper answered, taking off his hat and scratching his hair. He contemplated at the blue pine tree in the middle of his hat, before turning to Soos. "Hey, how's the lemonade?"

Soos barely replied, "Sour."

* * *

 **A/N: BOOM! Chapter two! And the cover, forgot about that.**

 **Fun fact #2: There's something peculiar going on about Dipper's hat in the cover.**


	3. Dipper and Apples

**Deals**

 **Day 3: _Dipper and Apples_**

* * *

Dipper was in the kitchen, getting himself a fruit. As they say, an apple a day keeps the doctor away. He believed in that saying, since he thought it was true in a logical way. Apples do have great nutrition. Dipper thought choosing an apple would fit for whatever his tongue yearned for today, and that was free, crunchy and juicy. Definitely an apple for him.

Dipper opened the fridge door and took a stray apple that was sitting in the middle of the tray, in the most perfect position that told him today was gonna be a great day. He took it with his hand and closed the refrigerator door, washing the apple first before eating it. For good hygiene.

After doing some cleaning up, he bit into the red apple with a crunch, and its cold taste filled his mouth. His chewed into the apple, squeezing out the juices of the fruit and relaxing in it. His tongue felt amazing, as it danced with a fruit he hadn't eaten in weeks. It was true, he hadn't eaten one and craved for it today, which was odd considering he actually _hated_ apples.

They were boring. Too easy and fundamental.

But today was different, he felt better of himself. To think, eating an apple boosted his mentality and confidence better than before. He bit into the apple again, savoring in its sweet flavor, topped off with its crunchiness. Are you hungry? Want an apple? Nah, you wouldn't like it. This was exaggerating.

Dipper felt like he was in heaven.

"HOLY _CIPHER_! WHAT THE _CRATHEOS_ IS GOING ON HERE?!" Bill shouted, floating towards Dipper, who wasn't fazed at all that he appeared out of nowhere. There was already a warning and that was the black and white background, which already happened. "WHAT IS THIS? FRUIT PURGATORY? YOU'VE GONE LOCO, MAN."

"Who... are you talking to?" Dipper asked, concerned of the demon's behavior. Insane or not, Bill is still a person to us.

"I'M A DEMON, NOT A PERSON." Bill corrected.

"Okay, you're not talking to _me_. That's confirmed, right?" Dipper added.

"OH. YOU'RE HERE."

"Why wouldn't I be _here_? I live here and you're the one who broke in." he pointed out.

"SHUT UP. THAT APPLE IS TOO GOOD FOR YOU." Bill informed, pointing at the red fruit. "YOU'RE ENJOYING IT TOO MUCH. NYEH!" the demon slapped the apple out of Dipper's hands.

"Hey!" Dipper cried.

"FROM NOW ON, YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF WHEN YOU EAT APPLES. BECAUSE THAT'S NOT HOW YOU SHOULD DO IT. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO EAT IT LIKE YOU'VE NEVER EATEN A THING FOR A WEEK. NOT ADVERTISE THE FRUIT IN FRONT OF EVERYONE."

"What do you mean in front of everyone?"

"THE POINT IS, YOU DON'T MAKE A SCENE EATING A FRUIT. ESPECIALLY AN APPLE. IT MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE AN ASSHOLE. WHICH YOU'RE NOT. I'M SUPPOSED TO BE THE ONE EATING THE APPLE." Bill said, pointing at himself. "BECAUSE I'M AN EXPERT CONTEMPTIBLE DEMON MYSELF."

"Uh... Why're you here in the first place?" Dipper asked.

"WELL, LLAMA, FUNNY STORY. UM, I'M STAYING HERE AS MY PERSONAL BUNKER. I'M HIDING FROM THE GIANT BABY FROM THE FUTURE THAT'S ACTUALLY FROZEN IN THE ICEBERGS RIGHT NOW."

"Giant baby?" Dipper pulled out his red and golden journal. The third journal in Stanford Pine's series, which he didn't know. "I've met a giant baby before, in the future. He was like one of those omnipotent beings, similar to you."

"WELL, I'M THE OMNISCIENT ONE." Bill stated. "ALSO, YOU MET THAT BABY?"

"Wait, wait, wait, you're hiding from a _baby_?"

"WELL, WHEN YOU PUT IT IN THAT WAY... YES, I'M HIDING FROM A BABY." Bill nonchalantly replied. "THAT STINKING BRAT WON'T STOP BUGGING ME."

"Ohhh..."

"WHAT?"

"I thought you were hiding because he was hunting you."

"HAHA, PFFFT. NO. THAT BRAT IS HARMLESS. TOO BAD WE CAN'T HARM EACH _OTHER_. WHENEVER I TRY TO BEAT SOME SENSE INTO HIM, MY SMALL HANDS JUST GET SUCKED INTO HIS SKIN." Bill explained, pulling his noodle arms into his sight. "LASERS DON'T WORK BECAUSE HE'S SUCH A SHINY PIECE OF GARBAGE THAT REFLECTS IT AWAY."

Dipper nodded. "So, if you guys fight, it'd be useless?"

"I'LL WIN." Bill narrowed his eye at him. "I _ALWAYS_ WIN."

"Yeah, like _yesterday_." Dipper crossed his arms, smiling to himself.

"THAT WAS A CHEAP SHOT, LLAMA, AND YOU KNOW IT. IT WAS NEVER YOUR INTENTION TO GIVE ME LEMON JUICE. SO, IT NEVER COUNTED." Bill retorted, poking the air in his direction.

Dipper slumped, "You're a killjoy."

"WHO CARES?"

"I do." Dipper stood upright, changing the subject. "This is my home! And you're using it as protection from something you don't want to face! I expect a _deal_."

Bill rolled his eye, sighing, "OOH BOY."

"Yeah, you better be scared, Cipher!" Dipper warned. "Because I'm going to do something so drastic with this deal, you'll hate yourself."

"C'MON." Bill taunted, "DO. YOUR. WORST."

Dipper smirked, holding out his hand. He took a breath, and gave out his price for staying in his house. Bill snapped his fingers, erupting his hand in blue fires, and waited for Dipper's ' _worst_ ' deal to the demon. To be honest, he wasn't really expecting much, since he was a demon and there would be nothing he would hate. Or so he thought.

"I want..." Dipper paused for dramatic effect. "...to be able eat apples in front of you with no repercussions!"

Bill hated something now.

The demon fell to his knees and screamed to the ceiling, " _NNN_ NOOOOO _OOO_!"

"How'd you like that, _Bill_?" Dipper demanded.

"WHA-HA-HY?!" Bill cried, "HOW COULD YOU, _LLAMA_!? I TRUSTED YOU."

"You wanted my worst, I'll give it to ya."

It took a minute for Bill to calm down. "...I GUESS IT'S FAIR TRADE."

The two shook hands and blue fire washed over them, sealing the deal.

"YOU GET TO EAT APPLES WITHOUT ME SLAPPING IT OUT OF YOUR HANDS." Bill turned red, his eye filled with fires from the depths of hell, "I... HATE... _YOU_."

"Well, too bad." Dipper pulled a fresh apple out of nowhere. "You can't harm me while eating apples. Part of the deal." He tossed it in the air, before taking a large bite out of it. The crunches filled the air with faithful noise. "Mmm, this is _good_. Why did I used to hate apples?"

"MAYBE BECAUSE YOU THINK THEY'RE SO BASIC THAT IT WOULD BE RETARDED TO EVEN EAT IT." Bill informed, knowing him by reading his mind through time and space.

"Mm, change my mind." Dipper stated, taking another bite out of the fruit. "They're interesting. It's red texture, the crunchiness that goes with a flavor, the juices, everything's perfect in this fruit!"

"WELL, LOOK WHO'S AN ASSHOLE NOW." Bill placed his hands on his angles. "YOU REALLY HAVE NO SHAME, DO YOU, LLAMA?"

"Well, it's acceptable to eat an apple in public." Dipper bit into the apple, munching on it as he says his next sentence. "Well... in human terms..."

"THE UNIVERSAL LAWS SAY THAT EATING APPLES ARE A TABOO."

"Are you making that up?" Dipper asked.

"WHY ELSE WOULD I FEEL DISGUSTED WHEN YOU WERE EATING ONE IN THE FIRST PLACE?" Bill demanded. "I LIKE CHAOS, BUT THIS IS _TOO_... NOT DESTRUCTION-LIKE."

"Well," Dipper said, "A deal's a deal, Cipher, you can't do anything!"

"IS THAT A CHALLENGE?" Bill asked.

"What are you gonna do? Go back on your deal?" Dipper taunted, making Bill narrow his all-seeing eye.

SLAP! The apple crash-landed onto the floor, with Dipper gasping in shock.

The boy wearing the Pine Tree hat pointed at the dream-demon. "You went back on our deal!"

"LLAMA, THERE'S A LOT YOU HAVE TO LEARN. I'M A _DEMON_." Bill informed obviously, looking down at his nonexistent fingernails. "AND YOU KNOW WHAT DEMONS ARE? THE MANIFESTS OF EVIL. AND EVIL DO EVIL STUFF. AND THEY _CAN_ GO BACK ON THEIR WORD." he said with a malicious tone. "I JUST CHOSE _NOT_ TO," But then it reverted back into its original squeakinesss. "BECAUSE I'M A NICE GUY."

Dipper saw Bill in a new way, and went back to fearing him like old times.

"ALSO, WHY ARE YOU STILL WEARING THAT PINE TREE HAT?" the demon asked.

"It's the only one I have." Dipper answered. "Plus, the Mystery Shack is _filled_ with Pine Tree hats."

"MAKES SENSE." Bill replied.

"So... uh, mind telling me why eating apples are considered bad in the universe?" Dipper requested.

Bill placed a finger on his bowtie. "OH YEAH! THAT WAS A FUN STORY! ONCE UPON A TIME, THERE WAS A GUY NAMED NED WHO ATE AN APPLE IN THE UNIVERSE. PEOPLE FOUND HOW ARROGANT THEY LOOK WHEN EATING ONE, THAT THEY DECIDED IT WAS TIME TO BAN EATING APPLES FROM BEING PUBLICLY EATEN. THE END."

Dipper smiled, "There are apples in other parts of the universe?"

"NO." Bill answered, before laughing hysterically.

"Then the story's just a fake." Dipper concluded.

"NOT THAT EITHER." Bill said, shaking his head, which was only his closed eye.

"Then how is all this possible?"

"I KNOW HOW YOU THINK. SO, I GUESS AS A HINT, WE COULD ALL SAY, 'NOT THE UNIVERSE YOU KNOW OF'." Bill shrugged.

"Wait, you mean there are other universes?" the boy eagerly asked.

"SUUURE." Bill sarcastically responded, before truthfully stating, "YOU'RE STUPIDER THAN I THOUGHT, KID."

"Then what do you mean?"

"YOU'LL FIGURE IT OUT LATER." Bill said, "OR EVENTUALLY." His eye looked down at Dipper, and reassessed the probability. "PROBABLY NEVER."

Dipper thought extra hard.

"Alternate... _dimensions_?"

"B-I-N-G-O! B-I-N-G-O! AND BINGO WAS HIS NAME 'O!" the demon exclaimed, waving his arms around. "THEY'RE TECHNICALLY IN THE SAME UNIVERSE. JUST, IN A DIFFERENT REALITY."

"Are black holes the gateways to this _other_ dimension?" Diper asked almost immediately, but still in a calm way.

"HAH! I SEE WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO DO, LLAMA. TRYING TO ACT SMARTER. WELL, YES. ONE OF THE GATEWAYS." Bill informed. "YOU CAN ALWAYS SHAKE ON IT WITH ME FOR A DEAL, YA KNOW."

"Nah, you wouldn't be honest with these deals. You smacked that apple out of my hands." Dipper stated.

"ONLY BECAUSE IT'S A BAD SOCIAL CUSTOM." Bill said. "YOU LOOK LIKE A JACKASS EATING IT."

"Yeah, yeah, looking arrogant and stuff." Dipper shrugged.

"DON'T YOU SHRUG AT ME, KID." Bill warned. "I WILL COOK YOU."

"Yeah, right." Dipper rolled his eyes, his fear of Bill diminishing and his confidence doubling. "And you'll add some seasonings to give me that popping flavor, I assume?"

"I NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT EATING YOU. I HAVE NO MOUTH!"

"Then why cook me?"

"JUST FOR THE SAKE OF IT!" Bill joked.

"Uh... oka—"

"DIPPER _RRRR_!" someone with a female voice, in the house, screamed, "HOW LONG ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE THAT DEAL!? MY GLUE GUN IS IN MID-EXPLOSION AND YOU'RE RUINING THE MOMENT!"

"IT'LL BE DONE IN A MOMENT!" Dipper shouted at the ceiling.

"BOY, AND I THOUGHT _I_ ONLY HAD CAPITAL LETTERS WHEN I SAY SOMETHING." Bill remarked. "ANYWAY, LLAMA, TIME INFANT'S OUT OF RANGE, SO... CATCH YOU ON THE FLIP SIDE. OR WHATEVER THAT PHRASE WAS."

Dipper waved, "See you? And, uh, thanks for advising me on a universal law and the existence of alternate dimensions?"

"HEY, A DEAL'S A DEAL, LLAMA. UP TOP!" Bill exclaimed, raising his hand. Dipper didn't catch his meaning and didn't return a five. "FIST BUMP?" he asked, turning his small hand into a fist.

Dipper gave him a fist bump, awkwardly, and Bill retracted, making explosion noises.

"BSHOOO!" the demon said, "BYE LLAMA! ALWAYS REMEMBER: REALITY'S AN ILLUSION. THE UNIVERSE IS A HOLOGRAM. BUY GOLD. BYE!"

Bill exploded into a white light, almost blinding Dipper. The walls of the kitchen flared with color, and Dipper could hear a loud splat in the attic. He cringed at the thought of Mabel being stuck in some white, sticky fluid. The boy did a halfhearted run out the house, not eager to face his sister in such a situation.

"DIPPER!" Mabel screamed, "YOU SHOULD'VE WARNED ME! NOW I HAVE GLUE ALL OVER MY SWEATER!"

"I'M NOT CLEANING ANYTHING!"

* * *

 **A/N: Day three is wrapped up! And, uh... I rewrote this twice.**

 **Mostly because, the first one had some _topics_ which were... highly _sensitive_ , I could say.**

 **Then the second one turned out to be have a plotline. I didn't want any plotlines this early. Because if that happened, there would be some Bill and Dipper teamup that rewrites the whole universe and that they have diverted off its original universe.**

 **Bleh. Too much stuff going on.**

 **Fun fact #3: Both the first rewrites had Dipper trying to make a deal with Bill to lower down the sales in a supermarket, so he could buy more pitt cola.**


	4. Dipper and Laundry

**Deals**

 **Day 4: _Dipper and Laundry_**

* * *

Dipper was helping Mabel do a chore.

This chore had to do something with yesterday.

Mabel had played with a glue gun, caused it to explode while Dipper made a deal with a demon, and got glue everywhere on her sweater. She blamed Dipper that it was his fault, saying that if he had warned her, she would've gotten out of the blast radius. Dipper took the blame, even though it was complete _rubbish_ that it was his fault to begin with. She could've gone downstairs while he made the deal.

Now, he was down at the laundry place, where it was filled with washing machines, and he was holding up a basket of Mabel's favorite sweater: the shooting star. Mabel had accompanied him to make sure he did it right. He had no idea why he had to do it. She could've done it herself, _easily_. Was this her trying to punish him for something that was her fault?

Eh, he loved his twin anyway. He'd do it even if he wasn't directly related to the problem. He couldn't lose Mabel. She was his only link to the outside world. Her quirkiness was how he was able to act, at least, normal. Being beside her taught him trust and how to have fun.

Right now, however, it was... something else.

"How does glue even dirty the sweater? It dries up and turns into some solid thing you could remove. Why the washing machine?" Dipper asked.

"Because _you_ haven't done any laundry duties in _months_." Mabel replied, revealing her true plan.

She took a basket that she had been hiding from him and traded it with the basket he was holding. What Dipper was holding now was his dirty clothes that he hadn't washed, and hid under the bed because he was too lazy to do anything with it. Mabel watched as he trembled in fear, and the strain under so many clothes.

"This whole thing isn't for me. This is for you. You have to wash your clothes!" she told him. "You can't just wear one thing for the rest of the summer! You'll smell! And now that you're a prepubescent boy, you're supposed to keep yourself clean!"

...this time what he'll learn around his sister, was to wash his clothes.

"You sneaky double-crosser!" Dipper cried out and pointed at her, letting his basket fall to the ground for dramatic effect. "You were on the washing machine's side the whole time?!"

"Yep." Mabel answered. "Now wash your clothes. They're _filthy_. I know I'm crazy, but this..." She pointed at the basket full of clothing. "...is just too much. You need to clean them, Dipping-sauce."

"How could you betray your only brother, Mabel?" Dipper demanded, dropping to his knees. "How could you be so _cruel_?"

Mabel wasn't impressed. Normally, when he did this, she knew he was desperate and would do the chore he begged her to take. But now, he had to learn to grow up and be a big boy with responsibilities. And she was going to teach him the ways of the washing machine.

The female twin had her arms crossed and lips puckered in a disappointed way. "Dipper, you need to wash your clothes."

"Why are you doing this Mabel? Don't torture your twin like this!" When Dipper noticed that she wasn't going to change her mind anytime soon, he turned to a different tactic: from guilt-tripping to angry provoking. "I swear, Mabel! I won't forgive you for this! You won't be my sister anymore! Not even a sister, or a best friend! I will _never_ trust you again! Or do anything for you! I won't help you and I won't sacrifice anything for you!"

Mabel saw through his facade.

She shook her head. "I'll show you how to work a washing machine, Dipper."

Dipper went desperate. He bowed before her, clamping his hands together and shaking them in front of her like she was a goddess. The boy pleaded, "Mabel! No! Please! No! I'm begging you!"

"First, you're gonna have to... separate the dark and light clothes..."

Dipper's eyes shrunk.

"NNN _NNOOOOOO_ OOOO!"

* * *

Dipper spent the next ten minutes picking out which clothes were dark and light. Boredly. They were an agonizing ten minutes, and he hadn't even finished.

"How many clothes do I _own_?" he asked himself incredulously. "I've counted about twenty shirts. Why would I pack twenty shirts to a Summer vacation?" Dipper paused. "Better question, _how_ did I pack these twenty shirts?

"SURPRISE, SURPRISE!"

"Bill!" Dipper looked up, seeing nothing. "Wait, wha–"

"YOU'RE DAYDREAMING, KNUCKLEHEAD. IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW, I CONTROL THAT DEPARTMENT. LIKE HOW I CONTROL _ALL_ DREAMS." Bill's voice wavered. "I KNOW EVERYTHING."

"Can I make a deal?"

The background changed into a black and white version of itself, and Bill formed out of nothing but thin air. The golden triangle looked around, before finding Dipper.

"DEMON FUEL! GOODY."

"I'm going to ignore that." Dipper said.

"SO, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO MAKE A DEAL ABOUT? OUR LAST ONE WAS KINDA... UN-SOCIALISTIC." Bill looked down and saw two baskets full of clothes. One each for how light or dark it is. "OH. _THAT_. THAT WOULD COST SOME SPECIAL LAUNDRY. UM, MAYBE I CAN GIVE YOU WASHING POWERS?"

"I want you to clean them all for me."

"AND WHAT DO I GET IN RETURN, HUH?" Bill asked.

Dipper folded his arms. "What do you want?"

Bill blinked at that question. He leaned back and thought of that question, before putting his hands on his angles. "MAYBE YOU COULD DO A CHORE FOR ME?"

"What kind of chore?"

"OH. THE PLANT KIND OF CHORE." Bill snapped his fingers and Pine Tree came out of nowhere, clad in its usual potted attire. "TAKE CARE OF THIS PLANT FOR ME, WILL YA? YOU'RE A FORMER PINE TREE, YOU'D KNOW WHAT TO DO."

Dipper took the plant in his hands, finding it lighter than he thought. The small Pine Tree in a pot was delicate. It was just a miniature pine tree, like it shrunk or something. Dipper placed it on the seat next to him, where he was pulling out which clothes go into which. Dipper looked up at the demon.

"I'll take care of it." he promised.

Bill snapped his fingers and blue fire fumed out, and Dipper shook hands with him, sealing the deal. The demon and the Llama nodded in agreement, noting each other's mutual respect for the other. They relied on one another for pesky tasks like thirst and opening soda cans, and, eating apples and shelter, which were very... tedious.

"YEA, FOR YOUR WHOLE LIFE." Bill added.

Dipper shrugged, "Keeping the potted Pine Tree plant is easy. You've made yourself an unbalanced deal."

"YOU THINK?" the demon laughed. "ANYWAY, SEE YOU LATER, LLAMA. I'LL DO YOUR LAUNDRY FOR YOU."

Bill snapped his fingers and the clothes magically whitened.

"ADIOS, AMIGO." the demon sent his goodbyes. "REALITY IS AN ILLUSION. THE UNIVERSE IS A HOLOGRAM. BYE GOLD. BYE!"

And with a white flash, Bill was gone.

"Heh, made myself a good deal." Dipper remarked.

Mabel woke up from her slumber a couple of seats away, yelping at the magazine about ponies placed on her head. She pushed the pages off her face and wiped away the saliva from her mouth, while muttering in an angry tone. "...Bill..."

"Hey, Mabel! I've done laundry!" Dipper yelled.

Mabel let out a laugh. "HAHA! You? Finishing laundry _before_ I woke up? Give me a break. I may be dumb, Dipper, but I know that isn't logical. My naps are eight minutes long! Bill is my alarm clock. And you can't finish all that in eight minutes."

"But I did." Dipper said.

"Liar! Bill did it for you!" Mabel accused, pointing her finger at him. "Why can't you do what a normal person would do when they have dirty clothes? I'm trying to help you, Dipper, and you're just cheating out of it! I _knew_ Grunkle Stan was a bad influence on you, _young_ man."

Dipper shrunk under her words. "Sheesh, Mabes, you're starting to act like mom." He added, "And we're about the same age, you can't call me young."

"I'm five minutes older than you, Dipper-ooni." she stated.

"That doesn't give you the right!" he barked. "You're the one who wanted to stay young and I'm the one who wanted to grow up!" he stated, "But, it looks like, you're _way_ mature than me in the long run. And it's time for you to take your place. You want to be five minutes older than me? Fine. Have it your way."

Mabel raised an eyebrow from his rebuttal, finding it... useless and pure nonsense. She asked, "What kind of an argument was that?"

"Wh-wha—"

"You're giving up in such an aggressive way, I'm confused as to what your real deal is." the sweater-loving girl said. "What are you doing? Letting me win, while screaming at me to do it? That's some expert reverse psychology right there. I feel like you should take the lead."

"N-No, that's not what I meant. I didn't think it would work like that." Dipper informed, scratching the back of his head.

"Oh, so you gave up?" Mabel asked, crossing her arms.

"Yeah, if you cut out all the details." Dipper replied.

"Hmm..." Mabel inspected the two baskets of clothes which were cleaned. "...Bill did a pretty good job."

"Well, yeah, he _is_ a demon." Dipper brought the potted Pine Tree in front of him for Mabel to see. "And I get to keep a Pine Tree as a deal."

"Dipper, you sure he didn't do anything to that Pine Tree?" Mabel asked.

"Of course he didn't. I reckon he did something to the clothes instead." Dipper replied.

And it happened. The clothes came to life in a monstrous fashion. It was strikingly similar to a plot for an early episode of some series that shall not be named here, but the clothes were crawling on itself, turning into a fusion of pieces that have been wrapped around to create a seven-foot tall creature. It had a wide mouth to gobble up any lifeform near it.

Mabel screamed, "The clothes revolution has come! Quick! Hand me a flamethrower!" She scurried around, arms flailing as she tried to find the weapon. "I need a _flamethrower_!"

"Mabel!" Dipper cried her name out, watching her flee the scene. "What are you—"

"GGRRAAAAGHHH!"

Dipper spun on his heels and was face-to-face with his clean-clothes-monster. He shrieked, running away. "Why did I have to be so _painfully_ right?!"

"BECAUSE, LLAMA, YOU'RE A DOOFUS. I'M A DEMON, YOU THINK THE GOOD PART OF THE DEALS ARE GONNA SIDE WITH YOU?" Bill's voice rang through his head, which was part of his daydream.

"No!" Dipper screamed, carrying the potted plant in his hands. "Help me!"

The boy could feel Bill scratching his bowtie, deciding things while the clothes-monster was wrecking the washing machine place and throwing those silver boxes around. "WE'LL HAVE TO MAKE A DEAL." Bill informed.

"What do you want?!"

"I WANT... TO SEE HOW A NORMAL RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN YOU AND PINE TREE WOULD PAN OUT."

"Why do you want to see that—" Dipper felt a gust of wind over his head, then found out a washing machine was thrown in his direction, and crashed just inches in front of him. The brown-haired boy turned and saw the giant clothes-monster nearing him. Dipper shut his eyes, "Never mind! I'll do it! Just turn that thing to normal!"

Silence.

Dipper cracked a peek at the monster.

It was all over the ground, all his clothes scattered. But it all began to move and house itself in a basket, and flew to Dipper's side.

"RUN, LLAMA. PEOPLE ARE GONNA NOTICE."

"You did the deal?"

"OF COURSE, LLAMA, THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR! AM I RIGHT?"

"Yeeeah..." he trailed off.

Dipper ran out with a Pine Tree and a basket of his clothes in his hands, narrowly avoiding the cops who were dashing into the place. Dipper met up with Mabel, who had a red flamethrower in her hands. They were out of the washing machine place's proximity, so Dipper left the basket and the Pine Tree on the ground so he could rest.

"Is the monster gone?" she asked.

Dipper glanced at his basket.

* * *

 **A/N: Wow, I had no humorous ideas in this one. That's okay, I have something humorous in the next chapter, something about Dipper and Pine Tree. (It's about the last deal.)**

 **Fun Fact #4: Bill washed the clothes in a demonic washing machine that turns clothes into sentient clothes. Which was... not mentioned at all.**


	5. Mabel and Romances

**Deals**

 **Day 5: _Mabel and Romances_**

* * *

 _The flamethrower._

It was red. And Dipper knew that. But...

 _Where did she get that anyway?_

Dipper sighed, sitting on a rock with the potted Pine Tree by his side. He wondered a lot, and thought, maybe he should just talk to the plant and see if it responds.

Dipper shrugged at it, "Bill said that our deal was that we'd need to have a normal relationship. I don't know what that means, but I guess, we have to talk to each other?"

No response.

"Well, that's crazy. You can't talk, right?"

No response.

"I guess, Bill is insane. What did he mean that he wanted to see us have a normal relationship? That's impossible. You're a plant, I'm a human, we could have some Christmas moments because you're a Pine Tree, but... what kind of relationship?"

Dipper shifted his position to feel more relaxed, but instead laid down on the rock, placing the potted plant on his tummy.

"There are many types of relationship. Like, family, friends, and even romances. I wonder which one he picked as normal." He rubbed the pot of the plant like it was a living person that needed his affection. "What is normal anyway?"

* * *

While Dipper was having his therapy session, Mabel was watching from afar and giggling at the sight. Well, from afar, she was at the Mystery Shack with her binoculars and spying on her brother's date with a _plant_. She knew it was Bill's deal, but it was her idea. Bill was her regular alarm clock for her naps nowadays, and she was able to talk to him and get him to make that deal with Dipper.

It was dumb. But seeing her twin talking to a Pine Tree in such a manner was so worth it.

"I wanna be the real love god of Gravity Falls. Then I could just snap my fingers and poof! Instant love." she remarked. "Miracles everywhere! Heartbreaks solved and loners aloof! But, that's impossible."

"THAT IS POSSIBLE." Bill informed in her daydream.

"Oh, like doing deals with you? Nah."

"OH C'MON. LLAMA HAS DONE LIKE WHAT? SIX DEALS ALREADY?" Bill guessed, all the while popping into her vision like that little spec in your eye. "AND HE HASN'T _DIED_ YET. SO WHY DON'T _YOU_?"

"I don't want to get into any trouble with a demon. I may look dumb, but I am logical." Mabel stated, folding her arms.

"HAH. LIKE I'LL BELIEVE _THAT_. QUIT TRYING TO ACT BRAVE." Bill put his hands on his angles. "OR THE DEAL'S OFF."

"Wait, I made a deal with you?"

"OF COURSE. WHY ELSE IS LLAMA TALKING TO A PINE TREE?"

"Ohh." Mabel cooed. "What deal did I make with you?"

"YOU KNOW THE ONE."

"Haha, Bill, you flying dorito." Mabel remarked. "So, to be the love god of Gravity Falls, I would have to..."

Bill dusted off his bowtie. "...MAKE A DEAL WITH ME." he finished for her. "AND WHAT I WANT IS... THAT FLAMETHROWER YOU HAVE."

"Done."

Mabel took her red flamethrower while Bill snapped his fingers, blue fire emanating from it. The golden triangle shook hands with Shooting Star, sealing the deal as fire washed over them. Bill congratulated her with a twist of his cane, tapping it on her head twice, and levitating the flamethrower over to him.

"YOU ARE NOW THE LOVE GOD OF GRAVITY FALLS." Bill informed, bowing. The triangle then put the flamethrower into firing position. "NOW TO BURN SOME PAPERWOR! NOW, REMEMBER, SHOOTING STAR: REALITY IS AN ILLUSION. THE UNIVERSE IS A HOLOGRAM. BUY GOLD. BYE!"

And the dream demon vanished in a blinding light.

Mabel gleamed at wherever Bill had been. "What a nice deal he made." She turned to the window and leaped out of it, smashing through glass. She flew through the skies, abusing her powers a a goddess of love. "Now I'm the love god of Gravity Falls! MUAHAHAHAHA!"

She flew through the clouds as a _real_ goddess. With no _wings_. Just powers. Wow, Bill Cipher must've felt unnaturally happy today.

"Now! Who's my first victim of my romance powers?" she asked, before making zapping sound effects. "Kazoom, kazoom!" Mabel brought up a finite amount of energy and hurled her arms at the direction of the stormclouds, before pulling her arms downward, like she was casting down an attack from the clouds. Her movements brought about the anger of the thunder, as lightning struck where she aimed it. "BAZZOOOM!"

KRAKA-KOOM! Her powers as a love goddess had risen from her imagination. And she had enough of a vivid imagination to make lightning as one of her abilities. How did she do it? Well, she thought lightning needed a love match and sent it to the _ground_. That was how powerful she became. Able to cast lightning and fire on her whim.

"HAHA! Being a love goddess _rocks_!"

And at command, rocks shook as gravity decided to shift abnormally and only to earth minerals like dirt and stone. Her matchmaking skills decided that the ground needs more love, and that it needed to be connected with the _lightning_. The _thunderclouds_. The _sky_.

Gravity Falls is going for a trip.

* * *

Dipper had his arm wrapped around the edge of the potted Pine Tree, unwary of the sudden changes.

"I'm scared of my sister: Mabel." he admitted. "She knows me too well. And she could blackmail me anytime with that stupid picture of me dressing up as a lamb."

He turned to face the Pine Tree.

"Tell me, my successor, do you have any advice on how to counter Mabel's attacks? I mean, I am your mentor, but you're doing a better job of being a Pine Tree, because you're a... Pine Tree."

Again, no response.

Nevertheless, Dipper gasped in delight, like the Pine Tree told him something. "Of course! I could counter attack by blackmailing Mabel to not blackmail me! What a good idea." The hat-wearing boy slumped when he realized, "I don't have anything embarrassing about Mabel."

The interactions between the human and the unresponsive object were... unnatural.

"She's my twin, and I don't have anything to use against her." Dipper bit his lip. "But thanks for the advice anyway. You're a great friend, you know? A good listener too."

The Pine Tree stood in its pot defiantly.

"And, really, _really_ confident. I wish I was like you." Dipper's eyes widened. "Maybe that's why I was replaced as Llama. I... didn't have the confidence..." Dipper rocked himself to and fro, while hugging the potted plant. "You're like the older brother I never had."

* * *

As the large town rose to about a hundred feet at command of the goddess Mabel, the clouds above it began to darken, and multitudes of lightning zipped around it, wanting to connect with the giant flying rock. In ten minutes time, Mabel will successfully get Gravity Falls five thousand feet in the air, only to have the purpose of frying the whole city with thunder and lightning.

As Mabel cackled from how much power she possessed (and with Dipper 'taking care' of Pine Tree), it was up to two unlikely heroes of Gravity Falls.

One of them was wandering around the forest, holding something in her hands that seemed... secret. Confidential. Through the mucky smell of the woods and the filth on the muddy ground, this person didn't really care about it at all. She seemed to cherish these moments of being alone, and if it meant getting dirty, it would be the least of her worries. But when rocks started coating the air, and the air getting a bit harder to breathe, the thing in her hands became a paperweight.

She looked around frantically, seeing only the hard rocks being affected. That's when she noticed Mabel flying in the air, and her voice echoing in the distance. It sounded like... crying? The hero of Gravity Falls pocketed the confidential item and dashed through the woods to know what was happening. In her perspective, she never saw the edge of Gravity Falls, so she had no idea the whole state was getting higher up in the air.

The heroine was amazed to see how close she was to the sky. She could only get a view like that when she was on a helicopter. The clouds look so... near.

Pacifica shook her head. "That's not possible." she reminded herself. "And even if it were, how could Gravity Falls be _flying_?"

She kept her pace, and finally ended up watching Mabel fly in circles. The daughter of the Northwest family glanced around, trying to make sense of what was happening. Rocks flying, clouds getting lower, Mabel flying? Yeah, a flying Gravity Falls sounded realizable.

"Mabel!" Pacifica shouted.

The next instant scared her.

Lightning struck in front of her, and she could feel the force of a thousand megawatts close by. It shocked her, pun intended. And out came Mabel, who was floating down to see her.

"Hey, _buddy_." Mabel greeted, her eyes big with a wide smile on her face. Meaning creepy. I mean, have you ever seen someone that looked like that? I've done my fair share of drawing disasters, and while drawing a face, it was the epitome of creepiness.

Pacifica couldn't speak. A bolt of lightning just came crashing down in front of her.

"I'm a love goddess now. Aren't you happy?" the Pines twin asked.

"Uh-erm-wha-how..."

"I made a deal with the devil."

That didn't sound creepy at all.

"Y-you made a deal with a devil. To turn you into a love goddess. And what you do is to make Gravity Falls _fly_?" Pacifica inquired, trying to make sure she wasn't imagining things.

"Yes, silly!" Mabel waved it off. "But, I didn't really want to make Gravity Falls fly. All I did was play matchup. I matched the ground with _lightning_. Sounds awesome, doesn't it?"

"No! It doesn't!" She reevaluated Mabel's powers. "You mean you can change the forces of nature to act like that?" Pacifica had a million things going through her mind. "So, the reason Gravity Falls was floating is because it wanted to get closer to the lightning, and thunderclouds produce lightning. And if all of it came together..."

Her pupils shrunk in fear.

"You're going to kill us all!" Pacifica stated.

"What? No! All I'm doing is making the ground and lightning happy." Mabel replied with a worried smile, shrugging like it was a normal thing. "I want everything to be happy! You should see what I did with Dipper and this potted Pine Tree."

"You paired your twin brother with a _plant_?!" the Northwest demanded incredulously. "Are you insane? What are you doing?! You have to undo what's going to happen or we'll all turn to ash!"

* * *

Dipper hugged the potted Pine Tree, feeling affection he hadn't felt in years. He yearned for something like this. The feeling of loneliness just... vanished. All his life, he thought being alone was just as good, but now, he felt like he was going to die if he didn't feel any love.

Weird. What the hell was all this? There aren't even any jokes!

Anyway, Dipper stroke the leaves of the small tree. Like a boyfriend would do to a girlfriend. "You know, I wish there was something happening right now. Like, something _really_ drastic. Something that could change my entire life."

No response from the plant.

"Too bad there's none of it here." Dipper added. "There's nothing exciting going on when I want it. And whenever I want peace, there will always be something exciting!"

He sighed.

"Why can't things go my way? Is it because I'm a Llama?"

Dipper narrowed his eyes at the thought.

"Wait, why am I even thinking that Bill is the center of the universe and that I should listen to his prophecies? And why am I stroking a miniature Pine Tree that doesn't even talk? Why am I talking to myself?"

* * *

"You know, we should play matchup, Pacifica." Mabel informed, wrapping her arm around her shoulder and pulling her to her side. "You and me, looking for people in Gravity Falls to pair up. And maybe, we'll get some _shocking_ results."

"Don't make those electric puns!" Pacifica pushed her off. "And we're not even friends!"

"Ah c'mon, Pacifica, you know in your heart that we were meant to be the bestest of friends." Mabel pointed out, standing over her like a goddess. "And besides, a little _spark_ between people won't hurt anyone."

"Really? _Spark_?"

"And think of the _current_ events in the future. All saved by Mabel." the goddess of love said.

Pacifica stood around for awhile, inwardly repeating what Mabel said to find any lightning jokes. She realized it, and remarked, " _Current_. That was... _real_ smart there, Pines."

"Yeah, one could say I'm on _fire_." Mabel responded.

"That's not a pun on electricity. But, it does cause fires." Pacifica nonchalantly replied.

"Yeah, it was a reference to that. I thought with all the puns based on lightning, you wouldn't get it." Mabel admitted.

"So, you thought you could _bolt_ away trying to hide the pun from me? Well, you're wrong! I'm the master of puns!" Pacifica retorted.

"No, you're not!" Mabel yelled. She looked away, trying to find if there were any puns. There was. "But that was good."

Pacifica almost forgot about Gravity Falls flying and getting fried in about six minutes. _I need to stop her! But, how? Maybe whatever Mabel said had a clue in it._

 _'But that was good. No, you're not! I thought with all the puns based on lightning, you wouldn't get it. Yeah, it was a reference to that. Yeah, one could say I'm on fire. All saved by Mabel.'_

 _Darn, no clues. And, 'All saved by Mabel'? Wow, she's egotistical._ Pacifica remarked inwardly, unaware that she _too_ could be 'egotistical'. All Pacifica knew was that Mabel was a simple-minded person.

Wait.

"Hey, Mabel! If you want to change the future so that everyone could bow to you, you should do something else! Pairing up lightning and ground isn't a good choice."

"Wait, really?" she asked, concerned that her reputation as a love god wouldn't work out.

"Yeah! The ground is an... insulator! It'll be hard for lightning to go through it." Pacifica stated, before muttering under her breath, "What kind of an argument was that?"

"Which is why they yearn to love each other!" Mabel replied. "Isn't it a tragic love story? Two things unable to touch each other because of science? But now I'm able to help them! The love goddess of Gravity Falls will fix everything!"

 _She's not gonna budge! She's really determined._ Pacifica realized. _I need some help._

Pacifica began to run away.

"Where are you going, _friend_?" Mabel cried out. "The finale will be _electrifying_!"

The Northwest didn't reply, and instead delved into the forests even further. She dodged tree after tree, branch after branch, before stumbling onto a river. She's got five minutes left before Gravity Falls gets zapped by the biggest thunderstorm in history, and she didn't have a clue how to stop it. The air began feeling lighter and sparkier, and the clouds above were closing in, even fogging some places.

Pacifica brushed a strand of hair out of her face, leaving it behind her ear. She leaned against a tree to stop for a bit, and gazed at the flowing river. She could see another person inside it, but as a reflection. Pacifica looked away and found a short, white-haired person trying to break his cuffs.

"Gideon?" she mumbled out loud.

Said person turned and glared at her. "Why, hello, Pacifica Northwest, fancy meeting you here." he said angrily. "I assume you're here because Gravity Falls is flying and that the lightning is getting closer?"

"Yes. And I... need some help stopping it."

"Stopping it? You seem like you know why this is all happening."

"You know Mabel Pines, you dated her before, right?" Pacifica asked, getting a nod from Gideon. "Well, she's the love goddess of Gravity Falls and created this mess."

"When did this happen?" Gideon demanded with unfriendly concern. " _How_ did this happen?"

"She said she made a deal with the devil." the Northwest informed.

"Deal with the devil, huh?" Gideon shut his eyes, groaning out, "I know who that devil is."

"You do?"

"I made a deal with him to do something for me. He wasn't as reliable as I thought. So we broke the deal." Gideon replied.

"That's it!" Pacifica gleamed. "We could break the deal! We just need to contact this demon and make him break the deal with her."

"YOU KIDS. ALWAYS FUN TO WATCH FROM THE DREAMSCAPE."

"Bill Cipher!" Gideon cried out in anger. "You created this mess!"

Pacifica was still blown away with how much crap was going on.

"INDEED. I DID IT BECAUSE I WANTED TO BORROW HER FLAMETHROWER TO BURN SOME PAPERS." The background faded into black and white, and a golden triangle with one eye shifted itself into this reality. "TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I THINK SHE'S GOING TOO FAR WITH WHAT SHE CAN DO."

"So can you help us?" Pacifica uttered.

"YES, PINE TREE—"

Pacifica raised a cheek, in which gave her a confused look. "Pine tree?"

"I CALL PEOPLE THAT BECAUSE THEY'RE PART OF MY CIPHER WHEEL. YOU'RE ONE OF THEM."

Jealous that someone who didn't know Bill got such an important role, Gideon demanded, "What am I?!"

"I WOULD'VE CALLED YOU DECARABIA, IF I HADN'T KNOWN YOU WERE..." Bill didn't continue. "ANYWAY, IF YOU WANT TO STOP SHOOTING STAR, WHO'S NAME IS _MABEL_ , YOU'LL NEED TO MAKE A DEAL WITH _ME_."

"What do you want?" Gideon asked.

"I WANT SOMETHING THAT YOU CAN'T GIVE. YOU'RE NOT BENEFICIAL TO MY DEALS. BUT YOU, PACIFICA NORTHWEST, OR OTHERWISE KNOWN AS PINE TREE, HAVE SOMETHING YOU COULD GIVE ME AS A DEAL."

Pacifica shuddered as she knew what he was talking about.

"OH. SO, YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT." Bill stated, putting out a hand. "I'LL STOP SHOOTING STAR IF YOU GIVE IT TO ME."

Pacifica gulped, pulling out a letter from her pocket. She struggled, contemplating at it like it would change her life.

"What are you waiting for? Give it to him!" Gideon shouted.

"I don't know what's in these. But, if you want it so much... it can't be that important to me. It would have to do something with my parents." Pacifica informed, nearing the dream-demon.

Bill felt the letter get placed into his small hands, and he glanced at both the papers and the Northwest. The words encoded onto the letter was titled 'XALMQFLK MXMBOP'. Bill looked back at Pacifica, seeing her differently, before he crumpled the letter into a ball and stuffed it into his tall hat. "OKAY, PINE TREE, BEFORE WE DO THIS, I'M GONNA TELL YOU. YOU ARE _NOT_ ADOPTED."

"Wha—"

"DON'T EVEN QUESTION. I'M A DREAM-DEMON. I KNOW EVERYTHING." He rolled his one eye. "AND IF I SAY YOU AREN'T ADOPTED, THEN YOU AREN'T ADOPTED. CAPEESH?"

Gideon sighed, crossing his arms. "Just get on with the deal!"

"OKAY, PINE TREE, DEAL'S A DEAL. SHAKE MY HAND AND I'LL STOP SHOOTING STAR." Bill informed, pulling out his hand, which was... not erupting in blue fire. Pacifica shook it and the deal was sealed. "I'M OFF." He pulled out the 'amnesia ray gun' that Fiddleford McGucket created to take out a piece of someone's memory. "JUST WAIT A SEC AND EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE AND DANDY."

Bill rocketed off and stopped by at Mabel, who was casting down love magic at people in the park. Bill aimed the gun at the unsuspecting goddess, and watched as she made two pigeons fall in love. The dream-demon set the ray gun to 'LOVE GODDESS', and fired the beam.

* * *

Gravity Falls was back to where it was, and there were no dark clouds nearby. Bill floated to where Gideon and Pacifica were, and calmly threw Mabel into a river. He dusted his hands nonchalantly as Pacifica shrieked in surprise. The Northwest dashed to get her friend, as Gideon and Bill were face-to-face once again.

"You feel sympathetic for the Northwest girl." Gideon assumed.

"NAH. I JUST FEEL HAPPY. I WANTED TO MAKE SOMEONE ELSE FEEL RELIEVED." Bill noticed the cuffs and fried them off.

Gideon rubbed his wrists. "You're going to have to stop calling yourself a demon if you keep doing that."

"THEN WHAT? _YOU'LL_ BE THE DEMON?" Bill waved it off. "NOT A CHANCE."

Gideon stared at the flying dorito blankly for a second, looking him up and down, before turning to leave. Bill raised an eyebrow, although you can't see, he's only raising one. If he had two eyes, only one of his eyebrows would be raised.

"WEIRD. NOT GONNA HELP OUT YOUR FRIEND?"

"We're not friends." Gideon informed.

"REALLY? 'CAUSE I COULD'VE SWORN—" Bill stopped talking as he realized what he was talking about was from another universe (which he had hid its existence from Dipper), where he was helping Gideon and Pacifica thwart the Pines twins. Or the Gleeful twins. Or something. All he knew was that the universe is titled 'REVERSE'.

"Could've sworn what?" Gideon asked, from a far distance.

"NOTHING." Bill stated, tapping his hands together suspiciously as he looked in another direction with a half-lidded eye. "IT WAS NOTHING."

Gideon stared at Bill unemotionally for the umpteenth time, before walking away.

Pacifica cried out from behind. "Are you insane? You could've killed her!" She paused. "Or maybe you're not. You're a demon after all."

Bill turned to face her. "PINE TREE... TAKE CARE OF SHOOTING STAR. AND IF YOU WANT ANYTHING, JUST KNOW I'LL ALWAYS BE THERE."

Pacifica blinked.

" _ALWAYS_." Bill creepily stated.

"Why?" she asked.

"BECAUSE YOU'RE PINE TREE! AND YOU KNOW WHO I MADE A DEAL WITH TO TAKE CARE OF YOU? LLAMA!"

"Who's _Llama_?"

If Bill could show a smile, everything would be blinded. "HERE'S A HINT: HE'S THE KINDA GUY WHO'D BE UNLUCKY ENOUGH TO HAVE THE LOVE GODDESS AS A TWIN."

Pacifica knew. "Dipper?"

"HEHE. YOU'VE GOT THAT PINE TREE SPARK IN YA. ALWAYS SOLVING MYSTERIES WITH THEIR BIG HEADS." Bill poked her hair, and she rubbed that spot. "JUST LEARN TO LIGHTEN UP. AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: REALITY IS AN ILLUSION. THE UNIVERSE IS A HOLOGRAM. BYE GOLD. BYE!"

A white triangle flashed for a split second, blinding her. The background's natural color phased in, and Pacifica blinked a couple times to recover.

"Today is strange." she remarked, carrying Mabel over her shoulder.

* * *

Later...

Dipper madly carried the Pine Tree into the house, kicking open the door. He placed the potted plant by the windowsill with a scowl on his face, and marched up the stairs to the attic; his and Mabel's room.

He opened the door, revealing a wet Mabel and a tired Pacifica.

"Okay, your name's _Mabel_."

"No! It's Lebam!"

Pacifica scratched her hair till it stood. That demon told her to take care of Shooting Star, and she had to. Who knows what that triangle would do. Except for me, of course. Pacifica sighed, "I hope Dipper doesn't get here—"

She froze when she looked at the door and found the other Pines twin just standing there, confused.

"Ah, the gods have forsaken me." Pacifica remarked, getting up and walking away. She bumped into Dipper harshly, and muttered to him, "Bill called me Pine Tree, and he told me you made a deal to take care of me."

She left.

Dipper blinked, and slumped against the doorway. "So, that's what Bill meant..."

"Who the heck are you?!" Mabel yelled.

* * *

 **A/N: Some Reverse!Falls interaction! I think I typed that right...**

 **Okay, after the next chapter** _(I bet all of you know what it'll be about.)_ **, I will be writing a request someone sent to me!**

 **Fun Fact #5: This whole DipperxPineTree thing stemmed from the ciphers' LlamaxPineTree. There was speculation on Pacifica being Llama, and since Dipcifica was a thing, I concluded that LlamaxPineTree would be a thing. So, I put it in here as a joke.**


	6. Dipper and Lebam

**Deals**

 **Day 6: _Dipper and Lebam_**

* * *

Dipper was back in action.

First move? Take care of Lebam.

Lebam is his twin sister, except... she _isn't_ his twin sister. It was... complicated. How complicated? She didn't even wear her sweaters! _That's_ how complicated.

She was... normal. Not like the Mabel he knew, who was optimistic, enthusiastic and had this bubbly personality. Lebam was just normal, shy, and a bit pessimistic. He wasn't used to it. She remembers everything that had happened all throughout her life, but she wasn't the girl in those memories. She'd often get confused and told herself it never happened and that those were dreams.

Dipper was getting tired of it. She kept insisting her name was Lebam. It had only been one day and he wanted his real sister back. What's _more_? He needed to take care of both Pacifica Northwest and the potted plant literally named 'Pine Tree', because they were both Bill Cipher's Pine Trees! He didn't know what that dream-demon would do if he didn't take care of them, but he wasn't gonna take the chance to try and leave Pacifica alone.

He had to bring the Pine Tree along as well because it wasn't stated whether it was only Pacifica, or _both_ , who wore the symbol of the Pine Tree.

So he had to worry about Bill, Lebam, Pacifica and Pine Tree.

Also, he was beginning to think of naming the Pine Tree 'Peter'. The name seemed right and it sounds just like Pine Tree.

Pine Tree, Peter.

Pine Tree, Peeeter.

Yep, made enough sense.

Lebam was eating plain old cereal on one side of the dining table, while Dipper was having a can of pitt cola for breakfast. It was... unhealthy. But what did he care? He needed the sugar. And if he can't finish it, he'll just water it on Peter... the Pine Tree.

Dipper narrowed his eyes at his sister, and she began to look a bit scared from him. "You can talk, right?"

"Yes." she whispered weakly.

"Good. Just checking. You haven't talked in awhile and I got worried." Dipper sighed, slumping onto the table. "Okay, so I'm going to tell you what we're going to do today. I have to take care of Peter over here..." He pointed at the potted Pine Tree that was standing on the table. "...and I need to take care of Pacifica, because if I don't, the devil will probably haunt my dreams."

Lebam shyly nodded.

"And I need to bring you with me, because I worry about you. And I'm gonna have to make a deal with Bill Cipher to change you back." Dipper informed, rubbing his eyes. "But I'm too stressed out to daydream, I've got a plan rewinding in my head, so I can't contact him."

Grunkle Stan walked into the dining room. He raised a brow at Dipper. "Why do we have a Pine Tree sitting in the center of the table?"

"Can you ask another question?" Dipper asked.

"Uh..." Grunkle Stan looked around. "Isn't it too early to be drinking pitt cola? It's eight in the morning."

"Thanks for your concern, Grunkle Stan, but I need this right now." Dipper took the whole can and glugged it down. The boy wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and said, "I have a big day today, and I'm gonna need all the energy I can get."

"That's my boy!" Grunkle Stan exclaimed, putting his hand up for him to high five him. Dipper returned the gesture, and Stan ruffled his hair. "I taught you good, kid. I taught you good. Now go be the man you're destined to be."

"Yes, old man." Dipper saluted, taking Peter in his arms and walking away. "C'mon, Mabel, we need to go."

Lebam reluctantly followed, part of her wanting to just stay home, but the other part wanting to follow her brother out of respect. She just chose to follow him.

"Hey, Mabel, you okay?" Grunkle Stan asked.

Lebam stared at her Grunkle Stan, and answered, "Yeah..."

The Pines twin made a slow run out of the room to follow her brother.

"You know, Mabe—Uh, I mean, Lebam, it looks weird. You, not wearing any sweaters, and you don't even tie it to your waist like you would." Dipper remarked. "I feel like you're an entirely new person."

"I am." Lebam replied. "I don't know what happened yesterday, so... I think something happened that day."

"Helpful." Dipper sarcastically said.

"Uh, thanks."

"This is even more awkward than the time we had to share a bed and snuggle because it was too cold."

Lebam didn't say a thing.

"Thanks for not saying anything Mabel would say when I say those things." Dipper said.

Lebam blushed, "It's still true."

"Yep. _Definitely_ more awkward."

* * *

Pacifica was walking down her street, alone, because that's how she preferred it. She didn't like facing her parents, and neither did she want someone to help her with everything to make her look the way she looked. Without their help, her hair was in a few tangles, and she had to constantly push her bangs behind her ear. She also didn't want to be reminded of the 'gifts' she had.

Gifts are things... things she didn't really deserve. And she says that, because the effort she puts in for getting them wasn't even close to even needing to push herself.

Pacifica noticed two familiar faces on the opposite side of the road. There was Dipper, holding a Pine Tree, and a sad-looking Mabel, who was trailing behind her twin.

 _Why are they going to my place? The only reason would be..._ Pacifica didn't finish and yelled at them. "Hey! I'm over here!"

Dipper turned to face the sound, while Mabel, who didn't notice he stopped walking, bumped into him. Mabel looked apologetic, but Dipper just shrugged it off.

"Is this about the _Lebam_ thing?" Pacifica asked.

"No! It's about the Bill Cipher thing!" Dipper exclaimed back.

"That includes the Lebam thing!" Pacifica informed, walking over to their side of the road. It could be called jaywalking, but hey, there aren't any cars as far as a familiar triangle could see.

"Wait, you mean _Bill_ did this?" Dipper asked. "Call him out for me, please."

"What? Now I'm your phone?" Pacifica retorted.

"I said please." Dipper replied. "Plus, the only way to contact Bill is by dreaming or daydreaming. I can't do that right now. I've got too much in my mind."

"Fine." Pacifica crossed her arms.

The background turned black and white, and some color in-between turning gray. A white isosceles shifted into reality, and turned into a golden shade. An eye opened from it, and Bill Cipher appeared, making his grand entrance. He finished it off by outlining the lines on his body and fading his arms, legs, bowtie and hat into existence.

"HELLO, GRAVITY FALLS!" He tipped his hat, and the whole world tilted at its command. Lebam and Pacifica were the only ones to stumble. "IT'S GOOD TO BE BACK—"

"Bill! You were here a day ago!" Dipper stated.

"OH, WHAT DO YOU WANT?" Bill put his hands on his angles. "NOTHING GOOD EVER CAME OUT OF MAKING DEALS WITH YOU. WITH SHOOTING STAR AND PINE TREE, I GOT TO AT LEAST BURN MY PAPERWORK AND RETRIEVE INVALUABLE INFORMATION."

Bill thought of the crumpled letter, that was coded. If you decoded it from last chapter, you would know what it meant. But with how Bill worded it out with 'retrieve', it meant he regained possession of it. Wait, _regained_?

"SHUSH. DON'T TALK, WRITER."

"There you go with your crazy talk." Dipper rolled his eyes, and turned to Pacifica and Lebam. "Don't worry, guys, he's not referring to any one of you."

"HUH, WHAT? I WASN'T TALKING TO ANY ONE OF YOU FOR A SECOND."

"See?" Dipper added.

"SO, YOU WANT YOUR SISTER BACK TO HER NORMAL SELF, AND IN TURN..."

Nobody finished for him.

Dipper spoke up. "I don't know what you want, so why don't you just say it?"

"OKAY, IN TURN, I WOULD LIKE THE THIRD JOURNAL."

Dipper bit his lip. Should he sacrifice the journal for his sister?

What the heck was he doing with the journal anyway? Recently, it's proving no use and he could just ask Bill anything. His sister is more valuable. Dipper pulled out the red book with golden plated edges, and a golden six-fingered hand in the middle, with a black three on it. Dipper gave the journal to Bill, who took it in a confused manner.

"THAT'S IT? IT WAS THAT EASY?" Bill demanded.

"I don't have anything for it. It's all up in here now." Dipper poked his head.

"WELL, THANKS, NOW I'M GONNA HAVE TO RETURN THIS TO THE REAL AUTHOR. HE _REALLY_ NEEDED IT." Bill snapped his fingers and the book went up in white, reality-bending, flames.

"Wait, did you say the autho—"

"SHOOTING STAR," Bill placed a hand on Lebam's head. "YOU WILL AWAKEN FROM YOUR SLUMBER."

Lebam looked in awe, as light began to emit from her eyes. When the light died down, Mabel was back, and she felt her cheek. "Woah, that felt like I was falling through the fourth dimension." she remarked.

"AND YOU DID." Bill replied. "FOR ABOUT, UHM, SEVENTY DAYS? IT'S HARD TO CONVERT BECAUSE THE FOURTH DIMENSION IS ABOUT TIME AND SPACE, AND IT'S REALLY... WONKY. YOU FELT SEVENTY DAYS WORTH OF FALLING THROUGH THE FOURTH DIMENSION TO THE THIRD DIMENSION IN ABOUT ELEVEN SECONDS."

"Haha! Seven-eleven." Mabel pointed out.

Dipper tucked his hands into his pocket, feeling empty. But look on the bright side, at least he's lighter without the journal. The _dang_ book was weighing him down everytime he needed to run.

Mabel noticed her brother, and remembered what happened. "Sooo, you had to sacrifice the journal for me?" She playfully, but forcefully, slapped him on the shoulder. "Nice one, buddy. Thanks for saving me."

"Uh, yeah..." Dipper scratched the back of his head, like he was hiding something.

Mabel had a lopsided grin, and glanced at Pacifica and Dipper. Shooting-Star twirled her fingers and a bit of a spark came out of her fingers. These heart-shaped trails of magic went into Dipper's and Pacifica's heads without them noticing.

"SO, LLAMA, YOU HAVE ANY PLANS TODAY?" Bill winked, but there was only a happy eye staring at Dipper. Llama couldn't understand what he was doing. "I'M WINKING. CAN'T YOU SEE?"

"Well, you have one eye—"

"YEAH, I KNOW!" Bill put a hand beside his face, and acted like it was his second eye. This time, he winked with his real eye, and left his hand open to show he was _really_ winking. "THERE. NOW YOU CAN TELL I WAS WINKING."

"Yeah, but why?" Dipper asked.

Meanwhile, Mabel nudged the daughter of Northwests. "You know what, Pacifica, let's play matchup with the unsuspecting town of Gravity Falls!"

"Wait, you remember?" Pacifica was cut off when she was pulled by the Pines twin to go to the town.

Bill couldn't answer Dipper's question when the other two were off. "NO REASON. YOU KNOW WHO I AM." He covered up. "BY THE WAY, PINE TREE ARE BOTH 'PETER' AND PACIFICA NORTHWEST. HAH, PETER. NICE ONE, BUDDY."

Dipper found it suspicious he would say those things. It seemed like he was going away. "You're leaving _already_?"

"I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO DO HERE. SO..." Bill rolled his eye. "...YOU WANNA GO JOIN ME IN FIGHTING SOME SPACE-PIRATES?"

"Heck yeah!"

Bill snapped his fingers, and a portal to space appeared. "THEN LET'S GO!"

The two jumped in the shift in reality.

* * *

Bazshoom! Bazshoop! Insert a poorly written interlude.

* * *

"Man, that was awesome!" Dipper remarked, hopping out of a portal.

"YEAH, TOO BAD NOBODY COULD READ IT." Bill replied, snapping into existence.

"There you go again with the _reading_." Dipper complained. "Why do you always refer it to reading anyway?"

"HEY, I'M A DREAM-DEMON. AND YOU'RE A GUY WHO READS JOURNALS."

"So, this whole time, you've been messing with me?"

"YUP." Bill winked at us, though we wouldn't know because he only had one eye. "OH, YOU _TOO_! YOU ALREADY READ I WINKED. WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?"

"Uh..."

"OH YEAH, LLAMA. REMEMBER THAT TIME I MADE A HUNDRED FLEETS GO FLYING TO THE NORTH?" Bill teased at us.

"Or that time we escaped the pull of a black hole?" Dipper added.

"OR THAT TIME WE INFILTRATED A SECRET FACILITY IN SPACE AND GOT THIS ORB?" Bill showed a green emerald that was shaped like a sphere.

"Or when I froze a bomb that was going to destroy half the planet of Mars?"

"AND REMEMBER THAT TIME I PUNCHED THAT SPACE-DOLPHIN ON THE JAW?"

"It had five heads and lazers spewing out of its mouth!" Dipper informed, "I think it was called... Aoshima."

"CORRECT, LLAMA!"

"And I got this ring too!" Dipper showed his four fingers, the one in the middle bearing the ring. "I wonder what it doe—" He tapped it and a red light appeared.

50.

49.

"AAAUUGHH! It's a bomb!" Dipper tried to remove the ring, but it was stuck to his finger. "Quick, Bill, I need to make a deal with you!"

"BUT LLAMA, THAT THING IS STILL ON THE FOURTY-NINE." Bill pointed out.

Dipper looked at it. "Huh. It froze?"

"NO. IT'S JUST COUNTING DOWN BY HOURS." Bill informed calmly.

"What's it counting down to?" Dipper asked.

"I DON'T KNOW." Bill shrugged.

He knew. He definitely knew. I bet my life he knew a hundred percent at what's gonna happen. If he didn't know, we would've cut to Mabel and Pacifica—

* * *

"Shipping time!" Mabel exclaimed.

"Isn't it called matchmaking period?" Pacifica inquired.

"Don't ruin the moment." Mabel warned. She spotted two teens hanging out wih each other. The love goddess snapped her magic at them and the lady jumped into the boy's arms. "Hah!"

"Oh, that one!" Pacifica pointed at a man reading the newspaper (with the news headline being 'Gravity Falls? More like no gravity at all!'), and a woman who was reading a magazine, both sitting on the same park bench.

"Nice one." Mabel nudged. She pointed at the two and they immediately began making out. "Wow. My magic's powerful."

"Too powerful." Pacifica remarked, remembering yesterday. "'Able to destroy a whole country in one go' powerful."

"That won't happen." Mabel said. "Here, this is what happens when light and sound make a baby."

She opened the palm of her hand and Pacifica could see sound and hear colors from the item she was holding. It looked like she was on drugs or something. Mabel closed her hand and Pacifica's vision and hearing returned, and she felt motion sickness kick in.

"Too overpowered, please nerf." Pacifica muttered.

"Oh, look, young love!" Mabel pointed out, seeing two kids hanging out with each other. "I'll give them a kickstart!"

Pacifica recognized the kids. "Mabel! NO!"

Too late. Mabel's magic got them to get closer to each other. The love goddess of Gravity Falls raised a brow. "What?"

"They're brother and sister!" she whispered.

Mabel's eyes widened, looking down at her hands. "Aw cat-biscuits." Mabel cursed. "Is there a reverse button here? Do I do something to make it happen? Or maybe... black magic!" the Pines twin screeched, hailing down lasers at the kids. It didn't harm them in any way, just made them dislike each other. "That solved it."

Pacifica got her binoculars and checked to see if it was solved. "Well... you made them hate each other."

"It's better than breaking the law, right?" Mabel asked worriedly, needing reassurance. " _Right_?"

"Uh, yeah, whatever." Pacifica answered, before spotting a familiar face. "Oh, it's your Grunkle Stan."

Mabel's smirk turned twisted. "I've got a plan!"

* * *

"Soos! Wendy! Put your backs into it!" Grunkle Stan cried. "I'm not paying you to stand around all day!"

Wendy and Soos glanced at each other. "We already did all the work."

"Yeah, dude, about an hour ago." Soos added.

"Well, uh..." Grunkle Stan paused, thinking nothing of his embarrassing mistake. "If you have nothing to do, you can go now!"

"Hey, what about my pay?" Wendy demanded.

"You get your pay like always." Stan answered.

"I haven't gotten my pay in a month." she informed, crossing her arms.

"Well, you get your pay later." Stan responded.

Wendy grumbled a bit about not being paid enough, while walking away. Soos, scooted away like a gopher, not wanting to get dragged into some kind of chaos.

"Well then, that should do it for today." Stan dusted his hands. Till the thought of creating a party tomorrow to raise money came by. "On the other hand... Wendy! Soos! Come back! I'll give you your pay today! But on _one_ condition!"

From afar, Mabel giggled.

* * *

 **A/N: BOOOOM. Hey, remember when Gravity Falls was flying and headed for a cluster of lightning in this story? And remember how Fiddleford said,** _"When Gravity Falls and Earth become sky, fear the beast with just one eye."_

 **Yep. I planned it.**

 **Next chapter will be a request from _vampirehunter555_.**

 **Fun Fact #6: Back in chapter three, I made up this word 'Cratheos', because I wondered if Bill could accidentally slip up on his dialect. I haven't explained what it means yet, so here it is:**

 _Cratheos /Cra-thee-os/ (n): hell, the void, purgatory_

 **This isn't a real word. So, if you use it, you're bound to have people staring at you and asking 'What?'.**


	7. Dipper and Hypnosis

**Deals**

 **Day 7: _Dipper and Hypnosis_**

* * *

"What am I supposed to do again?" Dipper asked.

"You're the spokesman for the party." Pacifica answered, while making sure his suit and tie were correctly done. She got a top hat and put it on his head to cover up some of his wild hair. "You go up, you introduce yourself, and tell when the party starts."

"Well, that's dumb." Dipper remarked, staring at her.

"I know. But this was all Mabel's idea." Pacifica said, not even looking at him, but on the clothing to make sure it was perfect. "She wanted to make a party and gave the suggestion that you'd make an _excellent_ speaker."

"Wha's tha' s'pposed ta mean?" Dipper asked, dumbing down his dialect to sound like an idiot. Thus, meaning he wouldn't do any good on stage. "Also, why in the morning?"

"Mabel orchestrated a _lot_ of things. She made two parties. One in the morning and one at night. She said the party right now will just be build-up for the party at night." Pacifica explained.

The daughter of the Northwests wondered about how Dipper would go up on stage, and a thought struck her. She had never known Dipper's full name. Well, it's Dipper Pines, but what's his real name? It was obvious that Dipper isn't his real name, because that name... is _not_ general name material. It had to be something Dipper didn't like because he uses it for practically everything and wears the name like it's his first name. So, a proper question was in order.

"What's your full name?" Pacifica asked, in a tone that made Dipper almost respond with the casual 'Llamanac Dipper Pines', but he was too cautious for that.

"Why do you wanna know?" Dipper retorted.

"You have to introduce yourself on stage." Pacifica informed in a tone that shouted 'duh, _obviously_ '. "And to make it formal, you have to use your full name."

"Hi, I'm Dipper Pines." he said, waving. "See? Easy enough." The girl in front of him glowered. "What's wrong with that? Did it not have the right amount of _formal_?"

Seeing how he was hiding his name, she thought of it as a challenge. "So I have to guess, huh?" Pacifica narrowed her eyes at him. "I think... you're a Jason. You look and sound like one."

"I'm not a Jaso—"

"HAHAHA! WHAT ARE THE CHANCES?" Bill exclaimed, flying into the dressing room and zipping around them like a mosquito.

"Did I guess it right?" Pacifica asked excitedly.

"No, that's not my name..." Dipper replied, lowering her hopes.

"AND YOU HAD TO PICK THE NAME _JASON_." Bill remarked. "SO IRONIC."

"What's so ironic?" Dipper asked.

"NOTHING. YOU DON'T REALLY NEED TO KNOW." Bill stated.

Not pursuing the question because he wasn't interested, Dipper glanced at his watch. "Welp, time to go."

"You'll do great, Jason." Pacifica joked, also somehow lifting his spirits.

"Yeah, I _will_ do great." he murmured.

"IT'S A TARP." Bill cried out spontaneously.

"What?"

"NOTHING. EHEM." Bill coughed on purpose, before doing a rolling motion with his arm. "GO ON. YOU'LL DO TERRIBLE."

"Let's see about that!" Dipper challenged.

The brown-haired boy walked out of the dressing room, which was just a makeshift tent that was behind the wooden stage, and he stepped onto it. When he got on, he didn't expect that many people to come to the party. What did Grunkle Stan bribe them with? Free pizza again? Dipper walked to the center, where there was only a mic and an audience in front of him. He tapped the mic to test it, and it was just right.

"Hello, people of Gravity Falls, my name is Dipper Pines, and I—"

" _NOW_!" a familiar female voice yelled.

"—am the spokesma—what?"

Before he knew it, he was pelted with water balloons that have been dyed with brown food coloring. In thirty seconds, he was soaked in brown-colored water. He blinked angrily, taking a second to realize that it happened in front of a live audience, but he shrugged it off, making it look like it was part of the act.

"Anyway, I'm the spokesman for this party—"

"He's not giving up! Send in the adhesive!" the same voice ordered.

"—that Mabel planned," Dipper ducked in time to dodge the large splatter of glue. "Hah! You can't touch thi—"

SPLAT!

Got too cocky. Now, the uppermost of his body was covered in white glue. What could get any worse?

"Finishing touches!"

The voice, who was revealed to be Mabel, charged in and dumped a bucket of Pine Tree leaves onto him. With the top hat Pacifica put on him, it gave him an extra height that equalled the same proportion as that of a Pine Tree. And with the pile of leaves dumped onto him, and sticking to the upper part of his body, and the lower part covered in muddy brown water, he looked like he could pass as a Pine Tree.

Mabel took the mic. "Ladies and gentlemen! Give it up for Dipper Pines Tree!"

Everyone cheered and wooed.

* * *

It was a prank.

How did he not see that?

And it wasn't just any prank. It was arranged for everyone in Gravity Falls to see, _live_ , and it was planned by none other than his twin sister, _Mabel_.

Curse that upbeat, fun-loving, sweet, optimistic, bubbly, enthusiastic, pleasant, energetic, kind, lively, girly, weird, strange, godly, deceiving, tricky, playful, lovable, confident, naive, cheerful, innocent, hearty, exciting, powerful, trustful, friendly, vigorous, lovely and happy love goddess of Gravity Falls.

There were more words to define her, but these were the most frequent that popped up when people thought of her.

Dipper thought of a plan to get her. He spent thirty minutes in the bathroom, wearing the suit, trying to take off the brown water and glue with hot water, in a tub. He wanted to get revenge so badly, he knew the ultimate plan. He used the leftover water and put it in one bucket. He placed the bucket on top of the door, so that when it opens, the bucket will just come crashing down her face.

It was still early. About one o'clock. He believed that Mabel always comes up to the attic to knit some more sweaters at one o'clock. So it was the perfect timing. He curled himself up on the bed and placed a video camera somewhere.

"Kid, I'm going to get in the attic because Mabel wants her knitting equipment and stuff." Grunkle Stan's voice said from out the door.

Dipper sat up in horror, and dashed to the door, not wanting him to open it. If Stan knew he was pranking people in the house, he promised he'd confiscate the journal. Oh yeah, he gave it to Bill Cipher. Well, not really... He made a copy of the book with the magic copier machine. And, uh, it also printed out the invisible ink and all that.

Thus, why Dipper had been acting strangely yesterday when Mabel told him how great of a brother he was, sacrifing the journal for his sister. He never did sacrifice anything. His paranoia alone made him make backups.

So, if Grunkle Stan found out, he would either take the journal that was supposed to be with Bill, and the author, or let him have no fun for the rest of the summer. Dipper leaped and took the bucket, and it splashed on himself. He took the bullet that was supposed to be for Mabel.

The door opened up with Mabel holding up a microphone and speakers. Mabel then imitated Soos' voice. "Yo, wassup, dude."

"Mabel!?"

"Hehe," Mabel chuckled, before making Wendy's voice. "Being a goddess of love of Gravity Falls _rocks_."

"You're using me! Playing with my feelings! Why?" To you, this sentence might not make any sense, or looked like it was put in the right place. But to Dipper, it was. You'll see why.

Mabel narrowed her eyes at him, glaring. "To _win_."

"Win what?"

"The sibling race."

Dipper smacked himself in the forehead. "Mabel, you're the frickin' love goddess of Gravity Falls, you _won_ the race."

"Really? Because Bill says otherwise!" Mabel shouted, pointing at him.

"What? You take his word for it instead of mine?" Dipper asked.

The tip of her finger glowed.

"You selfish idiot!" he remarked. "I sacrificed the journal to bring you back. And you ruin me the next day?" Dipper felt a bit heavier, having to lie right at her face just to save his own life. He was just as selfish as her.

Mabel lowered down her arm. "You're right."

Dipper smiled, winning.

"Your demise should take longer, suffer for what you are." Her eyes glowed a deep shade of blue. "I'm the love goddess of Gravity Falls! And you are _nothing_ compared to me... I am..." The blue glow vanished from her eyes. "...what? What am I doing here?"

Dipper took a cautious step, "Uh, Mabel?"

"Oh, hi, Dips! No hard feelings, right?" Mabel inquired, talking about the prank.

This time, Dipper narrowed his eyes at her. "Riiight."

"Well, I have to prepare for the real party. It's gonna be a blast!" Mabel left the room, before peering her head in again. "Oh, and can you wash the dishes and sweep the kitchen floors? Thanks." _Then_ , she left. Dipper went back to the drawing board of his pranks, but realized he was still covered in the leftover water from the failed prank.

* * *

"...and that's the story." Dipper said, "Now you know why I need you to hypnotize Mabel to do my bidding." He rubbed his hands together in a sinister way. "To embarrass herself in front of _everyone_ in the party."

"HMM. SOUNDS LIKE I WARNED YOU THERE FOR A SPLIT SECOND." Bill informed, rubbing his nonexistent chin. "I WOULD'VE NEVER DONE THAT."

"But you did." Dipper replied. "That's all that matters, buddy."

"YOU ALSO MISSED THE PART WHERE MABEL KEPT TOYING WITH YOU WITH PINE TREE'S VOICE."

"How did you know that?!"

"I READ IT ON DREAMSPACE." Bill answered, folding his arms in a smug manner.

* * *

What Dipper didn't tell us...

"Hehe," Mabel chuckled, before making Wendy's voice. "Being Gravity Falls' love goddess _rocks_."

"Errr, when I get my hands on you—"

"You'll _what_ , Llama?" Mabel said in Pacifica's voice. She knew this would turn against him, because she was the love goddess of Gravity Falls, and yesterday, she planted a love bomb in both Dipper's and Pacifica's skulls. In a nutshell, Dipper subconsciously loved Pacifica and vice versa. And when the bombs explode, it meant he'll love her for reals.

"I'll-I'll..." Dipper blushed, shocked by how much that voice affected him more than Wendy. He lost his crush on her a while back, but now, he felt something in Pacifica... something a lot stronger.

"...do naughty things to me?" Mabel finished for him, using Pacifica's voice as a gateway. Dipper could imagine the real Pacifica saying that, and it messed his brain up. It sounded _so_ like her, that she could imagine her standing in front of him now. His face turned red, embarrassed by what he was thinking.

You know what tipped Mabel off? Dipper didn't reply.

"HAH!" Mabel shouted, tossing the things in the air. "You're in mad love with Pacifica!"

"That's because you're the love god of Gravity Falls. You did this! If it weren't for you this'll never happen!" Dipper retorted. " _And_ , if I step back in Piedmont, I would've never felt anything for her."

"But you are. Right now. And that's all that matters." Mabel stated.

"You're using me! Playing with my feelings! _Why_?"

* * *

Back to the story...

Dipper shook his head. "Never mind that!"

"YEAH, NOT LIKE IT'S ANYTHING IMPORTANT." Bill rolled his eye. Condescendingly, he looked down at the boy. "I KNEW IT WAS GONNA HAPPEN SOONER OR LATER."

"What?"

"FANSERVICE."

Dipper's eye twitched. " _What_?"

"DO YOU NEED A HEARING AID, _OLD MAN_?" Bill cried out. "I SAID, 'FANSERVICE'! HOW COULD THAT NOT REGISTER IN YOUR _BRAIN_? ARE HUMANS REALLY THAT WEAK?"

"Why would anyone pair me and Pacifica?" Dipper asked, before saying, "Except Mabel, of course."

"WELL, IN THIS REALITY, YOU TWO ARE... SEEMINGLY GOOD FRIENDS WITH NO HOSTILITY FOR EACH OTHER." Bill informed. "I DON'T SEE WHY THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE, UNLIKE THE OTHER ONE WHERE YOU BOTH HATE EACH OTHER." Bill took out a script and looked into my notes. "WOW, THIS STORY IS MESSED UP IN THE CONTINUITY."

"What the heck?" Dipper exclaimed.

"HAHA, THE WRITER CENSORED YOU." Bill snickered.

Dipper fumed, "BILL! Are you going to help me or not?!"

"WELL, THAT'S THE REASON WHY I'M HERE, RIGHT?" Bill spit in his palm and the blue fire that would normally erupt burned brighter than before. "YOU'RE MAKING A DEAL WITH THE DEMON TO MIND CONTROL, OR HYPNOTIZE, OR BRAINWASH YOUR SISTER. THAT'S GONNA NEED SOMETHING IN RETURN."

"Yeah, what's that?" Dipper asked, glancing at the ring he had.

"PITT COLA."

"Isn't _water_ what you mean?"

"NO."

Dipper raised a brow at that, but shrugged and shook hands to seal the deal.

* * *

Mabel was finished decorating the party, and was about to go out to tell Candy and Grenda about it, but she paused in her motion. A yellow shade filled her eyes, glowing with power only hypnotization could muster. The Pines twin floated above the wooden floor and flew to where Dipper and Bill was, landing stiffly with yellow eyes and sharp pupils.

"THERE, SHE'S ALL YOURS." Bill checked the time through his all-seeing eye. "IT'S ABOUT SIX O'CLOCK NOW. ARE YOU POSITIVE THAT YOU HAVE ENOUGH TIME FOR THIS PLAN?"

Dipper nodded, "Yes. I know the only embarrassing thing Mabel hates. There's a reason she didn't join me on my crusade as the lamb who danced."

"OH." Bill's eye showed boredom. "YOU'RE GOING TO DRESS HER UP IN A CHICKEN COSTUME AND MAKE HER DANCE LIKE A CHICKEN IN FRONT OF EVERYONE IN THE PARTY, WHILE ALSO ACTING LIKE A CHICKEN."

Dipper nodded.

"SO YOU _DO_ HAVE TIME." Bill flew away into the open, waving back at Dipper. "SEE YA LATER, LLAMA. I'M GONNA GO HAUNT SOME SOULS." And he was gone, just a tiny speck in the sky.

Dipper shook his head, "Poor guys..."

He clapped his hands, turning to Mabel.

"So! Let's prepare this party!" He had dragged a white-feathered chicken costume with the mouth being wear she can put her head out of. "Chicken style!" But he let it down, because he had _another_ idea. "Oh... by the way, Mabel, can you do the dishes and sweep the kitchen floors for yourself? 'Kay, thanks, bye."

* * *

Half an hour later...

"Where's Mabel?" Candy asked in her usual korean accent. "She's supposed to be the host of the party! And she's our party planner! And the entertainer!" She lowered down her voice, commenting, "Boy, she has a lot of jobs."

"That's what makes her special!" Grenda replied, her voice being as scratchy and as deep as always. "She's always so responsible with what she does. But this one takes the cake! Why isn't she here?"

Pacifica walked up to them, chewing the tip of a pen in her mouth and holding a board with notes stapled onto it. "Hey, guys," she greeted, taking out the pen. "So... Where's Mabel? The opening will start any minute."

"Heeello, ladies."

The three turned to see Dipper with a sinister smile. He didn't even care if it was Pacifica he was weirding out. His revenge must be exacted!

"Dipper, thank goodness, you're still not mad, right?" Pacifica reassured herself that he didn't know how to talk to girls so he was being creepy as a normal 'beginner' act. "Anyway, have you seen Mabel?"

"Oh, yes, I have seen Mabel. You can go to the party floor and see how she handles the stage." Dipper informed. The three girls didn't move. Dipper did a gesture in which he waved his arm around to show them that they should go. "C'mon, shoo!"

"Uh... Bill isn't... possessing you, is he?" Pacifica asked. To be honest, she didn't even know his capabilities, so this was a shot in the dark. And it was the perfect shot in the dark, mind you. She _was_ an expert at golf!

"No." Dipper narrowed his eyes, "Just go! She'll be here any second and she doesn't want you seeing the surprise."

"What surprise?" Grenda asked, suspicious.

" _Exactly_!" Dipper answered.

The girls glanced at each other, surprised from the response on how good it was, and shrugged it off, thinking it was a real command. They walked out of the area behind the curtains, and went out to the party. Dipper rubbed his hands in content, as Mabel dived onto the ground, having hung onto the ceiling for a minute prior. Mabel still had the glowing yellow eyes, which Dipper was still traumatized by when they had the sock opera.

She was in the chicken costume, ready for the humiliation she was unaware of doing.

"So..." Dipper glanced at his watch. "In two minutes, you're going to have to dance like a chicken in front of everyone on stage! You'll humiliate yourself, so my revenge plan would work!"

"Not so fast!"

Dipper spun on his heels, and found Soos catching him red-handed. "Soos? Uh, I can explain!"

Before anything could happen, Soos used a grappling hook all of the sudden, and shot it at one of the poles. The hook lodged itself against the wooden pillar, and Soos swung his way over to the chicken-suit-wearing, mind controlled Mabel. Dipper cried out in surprise, seeing how his revenge plan would be ruined.

The handyman chanted something the boy couldn't quite decipher.

"Noissessop morf reh esaeler." Soos said.

"Nose sesh pop morph reek a sailor?" Dipper tried to repeat, getting confused.

Dipper took out a space pistol he secretly stashed from yesterday's expedition, and shot a blue ray at the pillar Soos was holding onto. The handyman jumped, with Mabel on his back, across to another pillar. Dipper kept shooting at stuff, but the beams were only made to apply as little pressure as possible when hitting something. But only enough strength to knock someone out. So it created little dents and cracks.

"Soos! Stop! It's just a prank! I swear!" Dipper screamed, running after Soos who was swinging from wooden pillar to wooden pillar, with the occasional grappling hook shot. It came to a point where Dipper had exhausted the last of his energy. "Oh, come on!"

He had a last resort.

"I told myself I would never use this..." he groaned, picking something out of his vest.

Dipper pulled out a vial of Mabel juice, wincing just by looking at it. He shut his eyes painfully, and gulped the whole thing down. His body was jolting around by the time he was finished drinking only a _vial_.

Soos contemplated at Dipper, who looked like he was struck by lightning. "Wow," he appluaded, "Nice dance, dude."

Dipper scrunched his brows together, as he dashed towards Soos, space gun at his disposal. He screamed bloody murder, crashing into the pillar Soos was holding onto, and demolishing it out of sheer energy. Soos fell on his front. Dipper huffed rapidly, "I feel alive!"

"Well, you aren't gonna take Mabel as hostage or whatevs!" Soos declared, trying to be as much of a hero as possible, even though the odds were stacked against him; he was fighting an energetic twelve year-old who had the power to headbutt into a wooden pillar, and _not_ feel it, and was holding a concussion gun from outer space. All he had was a grappling hook and a possessed girl wearing a chicken costume.

"It's just a prank, Soos." Dipper reassured, pointing the gun at him. "Nothing harmful. Just put Mabel down, and this will all be over."

"Okay, okay," Soos forfeited. "But first, here's the deal."

Dipper glanced at his watch, tapping his foot impatiently. "C'mon, the show's gonna start in thirty seconds!"

"Mabel will not be in your control."

"What? You can't do that." Dipper shook his head when he fumbled on his words. " _I_ can't do that."

"Well, too late. Because the deal's sealed." Soos informed.

"What?!"

"She's already back to her normal self. See?" Soos pointed at Mabel, who was riding on his back and blowing her tongue out.

"Heyya, Dipper, ever seen a chicken ride a hairless gopher before?" she asked.

"Mabel..." Dipper gasped, before getting mad. "No, no, NO! This isn't supposed to happen! My prank should've been successful!"

"Oh, you mean humiliating me in front of the public because I wore a chicken costume and danced around with it?" Mabel shrugged, "I'll do it."

"What?"

"There's about five seconds left, so hurry and run _off the stage_!" She hopped off of Soos and pushed Dipper away. The two ran off to their opposite sides, leaving Mabel in the center of the stage with a chicken costume. The curtains automatically opened, and she was left to dance embarrassingly in front of everyone.

"Well... who wants a chicken, chicken, chicken?

"I do! I do!

"So, go up and greet your pappy, pappy, pappy.

"Hi there! Hi there!

"So, peck, peck, peck around the barn-house.

"Don't, don't, don't you forget about the egg nest!"

Mabel finished, already sweating from all the red and heat rising in her face.

* * *

Dipper sighed, away from the party. He sat down at the edge of a lone river, where pine trees are the only things around. It reminded him of Peter.

"HEY, LLAMA, HOW'D IT GO?" Bill asked, floating towards him.

"Terrible." Dipper said.

"OH, THIS REMINDS ME OF A SONG I WROTE FOR YOU."

He coughed first, clearing his throat to begin his singing. Bill began singing a tune similar to 'twinkle, twinkle, little star' or the ABCs. Whichever you prefer to sing, they're the same tune.

"LLA _MA_ , LLA _MA_ , LLA _MA_ NAC,

"COME TO MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE.

"MA _KING_ DEALS WITH DREAM- _DE_ MONS,

"AL _WAYS_ _SO_ LLA _MA_ -LIKE.

"LLA _MA_ , LLA _MA_ , LLA _MA_ NAC, AL _WAYS_ SUCH A CARE _LESS_ BOY!"

Bill finished, waving around his golden cane.

Dipper had his eyes half-lidded and an emotion that screamed: he didn't want to deal with this crap. "Yeah... that brightened my mood." he remarked sarcastically.

"WELL, I HOPE IT FITS WITH THE TONE... OF HOW YOU FAILED TO FINISH YOUR PRANK. BOY, I KNEW TAD STRANGE KNEW A LOT OF THINGS." Bill then muttered under his breath. "WHO THE HECK IS THE _REAL_ TAD STRANGE ANYWAY? CAN'T REMEMBER..."

"Yeah..." Dipper's eyes widened, pointing at Bill. "And I didn't even respond your other question! And you still know the answer!"

"HEY," Bill shrugged. "FORCE OF HABIT."

Dipper didn't say anything in retort.

"HEY, WANNA GO FIGHT SPACE-PIRATES AGAIN?"

Dipper stood up, repeating, "Space-pirates! Space-pirates!"

"WELL, THEN," Bill snapped his fingers and a portal appeared. "JUMP RIGHT IN!"

"Tyrone!" Dipper yelled out as a word of excitement, while he went into the portal.

Bill raised a brow. "TYRONE?"

* * *

20.

* * *

 **A/N: That wasn't a code. That was how many hours till the mystery of that ring is finally revealed. Not in realtime, in story time.**

 **Anyway, vampirehunter555, I hope I fulfilled that request. There was a _lot_ going on in the writing department with different things added and tweaked into it. It was also rewritten at some point. The other one was... fast-paced and had not that grand. I had fun, though!**

 **Fun Fact #7: Back in chapter six, there was nothing planned about a space-pirate adventure, instead I had Dipper be alone in the rain and revealed a new character that is important to the story. I could only give you his codename: Sigma.**


	8. Dipper and Returns

**Deals**

 **Day 8: _Dipper and Returns_**

* * *

Dipper was just staring at the board he made, chewing his pen. It was a habit from the ways of a Pine Tree (even Pacifica did that last chapter), but he was a Llama now. He thought it was because Bill believed in the saying where 'Once an 'X', always an 'X''. So, in his case, once a Pine Tree, always a Pine Tree. Weird, because Bill proved that a symbol could also mean two people. But now he was only Llama, not a part of the Pine Tree group.

...huh.

Anyway, the board he made had a centerpiece where it all began: the page of Bill Cipher. Particularly, the one where it had the circle and just Bill Cipher being Bill Cipher in the center. He made notes of the ten symbols, checking their meanings when taking into account of the gibberish the author wrote with the invisible ink that he didn't notice in the first place.

First thing he noticed was that the invisible ink circled the six-fingered hand, but the red ink circled only glasses. So, maybe the author, who made this journal with the six-fingered hand, thought he was glasses, but changed his mind when he saw the six-fingered hand?

Dipper made a note connecting it, saying that the author was this symbol, and a question mark beside it.

He then got the obvious ones out of the way; the ones Bill already told him. Llama, Pine Tree and Shooting Star. Soos was Tad Strange, and that wasn't even in the book. So he just got a picture of Soos and wrote 'Tad Strange?' on it. He then put notes that he was Llama, Pacifica and Peter were Pine Tree, and Mabel was Shooting Star.

The Question Mark had the most invisible ink writing next to it, so Dipper checked what was the meaning behind that with the author's coding.

Dipper said the deciphered code out loud as he wrote it down. "I have decided to check for possible meanings in these ten symbols when I found out that even the dollar bill had Bill Cipher in it. Which was a hidden message. And after a talk with Bill himself, he told me that 'Question Mark is—"

The door was kicked open, and Dipper was left to rip everything out of his board from paranoia and fear of Bill finding out. Before he even saw who was at the door, he crumpled all the ripped paper into a ball, got a lighter, lit it on fire, and threw it into the 'emergency fire bin'. To be honest, he didn't know when that would be handy.

Dipper looked over at the door and found Mabel raising a brow at him. "You've got issues, Dipper."

"I was decoding something behind Bill's back..." Dipper replied.

Mabel rubbed her chin, then pointed something out. "Is that why you put drapes over everything?"

Dipper looked around and saw that he _did_ put drapes over everything. But more importantly, he taped carboard over the window, because... he found it peculiar the design of the window was friggin' Bill Cipher, the demonic triangle.

Dipper looked back at his sister, and calmly answered, "Yes."

"You're a strange guy, Di—WOAH!" Mabel felt a tremble on the floors beneath them, like the Earth was growling in anger. Dipper put his arms over his head to cover himself from any danger, while Mabel put on a pink forcefield around them that was akin to the human-sized hamster ball. "Dipper, what's happening?!"

Grunkle Stan rushed to their door, informing them. "Kids! Earthquake! Run for your lives!"

Then the Grunkle rammed through the triangle window, and since there was cardboard taped onto it, he slammed into the stiff paper and fell through the window. Miraculously, he was saved by the carboard down below, which also protected him from broken charss of glass.

"I'm okay!" Grunkle Stan shouted from downstairs. "Wait! I think I broke my nose!"

There was silence for a second.

"It's official, I'm NOT okay!" Stan stated.

"Well, that was random." Dipper remarked, looking away from the broken window and focused back onto the room. "It's just an earthquake. Mabel, you can stop this right?"

"Well, I can only do things when I love them enough, like this human-sized hamster ball I made from my mind." Mabel stated as she knocked on the pink forcefield, which felt like plastic. "Huh, what do you know, these _are_ the human-sized hamster balls." She grinned, "It's a dream come true."

Dipper saw his ring glowing. "Wait..." He checked and there was only an hour left. "...is it because of... oh crud..."

* * *

Flaaashbaaack...

Dipper and Bill were at a space restaurant, eating and drinking space cuisine. It was delicious. There was earth food that everyone preferred, mixed with the skills and materials of aliens, which made it all the more better to eat. However, there was the occasional 'dying from food poisoning' thingy, but nobody gave a damn because there was a shop just outside that sold poison resistance. Dipper bought a few just in case.

"Hey, Bill, how come you're not limited by the dreamscape anymore?" Dipper asked, just noticing it now.

"FOURTH DIMENSION LOOPHOLE... AND STUFF." Bill answered, "I DON'T REALLY LIKE USING IT BECAUSE IT'S TOO OVERPOWERED AND IT WOULD TOTALLY BE A PLOT HOLE IN LATER MOMENTS."

"Tell me the _real_ answer, Bill."

The triangle demon shrugged, "THE TIME BABY WOULD PESTER ME BECAUSE THE FOURTH DIMENSION OFTEN CONSISTS OF BREAKING THE LAWS OF TIME AND SPACE. YADDA YADDA YADDA AND ALL THAT."

"So, Time Baby protects time and what you're doing is breaking his rule?" Dipper interpreted.

"YOU COULD SAY THAT." Bill replied. "HEY, LOOK, THERE'S A CRAZY CAHOOT SELLING RINGS."

"Oh, cool!" Dipper remarked.

The 'cahoot', which meant something along the lines of 'merchant' in Bill's strange dialect, walked up to them and showed him the many rings he had on a plate. "Rings for twõn dollars."

"I'll take one." Dipper said, handing out space money he looted from space-pirates. He pointed at a golden one. "I like it. It looks expensive enough." the boy remarked and shrugged.

The cahoot gave one to Dipper, but warned him. "Beware young 'un, this ring casts legendary power, but deep inside that power costs a price. A sacrifice, you may say. And opening it for the first time, _disastrous_."

Dipper turned to Bill, who was sitting opposite from him. The demon saw the look in Dipper's eyes and knew he wanted the real interpretation. Bill sighed, YOU GET A SWORD THAT COMES FROM THE RING FOR A ZERO POINT EIGHT PERCENT INCREASE IN BAD LUCK." He took a sip of his drink. "I'D RECOMMEND IT. WHATEVER THAT SWORD IS, IT'S POWERFUL."

"Yeah, I'll take it." Dipper said, but before he knew it, the cahoot was fleeing away with his twõn space dollars. The young boy leaned back. "Eh, let him have his fun."

* * *

Back to the present...

"Ugh..." Dipper groaned, "The ring is causing all _this_ to happen. Even though I don't know what's happening..."

"Really? That thing?" Mabel asked, leaning forwards and bumping into her brother's human-sized hamster ball because she wanted to take a closer look at the golden ring. "Silly Dipper, that can't possibly do _that_."

She pointed outside, where dark, ominous clouds grouped together.

"I got it from space." Dipper stated.

"Oh," Mabel replied, and thought about it. "That explains everything."

The two looked outside, staring at the clouds. The dark stormclouds began turning to a red shade, and suddenly, fire sprouted from it and began impossibly raining fire, which made them realize it was escalating to the point where it's ridiculous. If I should repeat, it was raining FIRE.

Mabel lowered her eyelids. "That did NOT explain everything."

"How could a ring do that?!" Dipper screamed, knowing that this wasn't possible. It was literally breaking the laws of physics, and there was only one known element in nature that could make that happen.

"Magic!" Mabel admired, placing her hands on her cheeks, eyes shimmering.

"How can we ever survive this?" Dipper asked, hiding his face in his hands. "Where's Bill when you need him?!"

* * *

Somewhere... in someplace?

Bill was sitting on a chair in a pitch black room, having no light but his one eye. The golden triangle was eating a sandwich, munching on it.

"I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M EATING." he told us.

* * *

Back to Gravity Falls...

"Relax, bro-bro, I'm the love goddess of Gravity Falls, remember?" Mabel reassured, trying to calm him down by stroking his back. But since they were stuck in hamster balls, all she did was stroke the inner walls of her forcefield. "I can do anything. Except for some things. However, I _did_ make Gravity Falls _fly_ that one time."

"You did?" Dipper raised a brow. He didn't recall any of that happening. All he heard was that his twin sister turned into a love goddess and people needed her to stop so she forgot about it because of the amnesia-gun. And he had to fix it. He slumped in his ball, "Well, can you give me a bottle of pitt cola? My throat is getting dry from all this mess."

"Sure thing." Mabel snapped her fingers, and instead of a bottle of pitt cola, a green and blue billboard floated above them, destroying their roof, flashing lights and an important news headline.

It said, _'Pitt cola has gone extinct and is logically erased from the universe and its existence, via the ring. Good luck!'_

Dipper fell to his knees, bellowing to the sky. "NNN _NOOOOOO_!"

Mabel, unaware that the billboard was there, kept snapping her fingers. "Weird. That never happened before." she remarked, "They usually come out of thin air like poof! You know what I'm saying?"

"Mabel, pitt cola has been erased from existence." Dipper informed flatly, looking down.

"It has?" She looked up, reading the billboard she didn't know was there. "It _has_!"

"This... is the worst thing to happen!" Dipper curled up into a ball and rocked himself to and fro, in his human-sized hamster ball. "It's okay, we can survive this. We totally can. Nobody will get hurt." Tears began to well in his eyes, "No, we can't... pitt cola is _gone_..."

"Dipper, we have to save them!" Mabel realized, making a shocking discovery.

"Save who?" he asked. "People who are traumatized that pitt cola is gone? I think I'll volunteer as the first patient..."

Mabel rolled her eyes, thinking it was an obvious answer. "I mean the citizens of Gravity Falls!"

"Why?" Dipper inquired, looking up at her.

"Well, duh, it's your ring." Mabel reasoned, rolling her eyes.

"I guess..." he agreed guiltily.

A sudden bright flash came between them, revealing a scared Blendin Blandin, the time traveller cop who protects the time stream and stuff.

Dipper and Mabel were about to say something like 'Oh, Blendin, you're back!', till Blendin recovered from his shocked expression and then put on a serious one and stood straighter than what he used to. He calmly told the both of them, without his usual stutter, like he was confident. "Ignore what's going to happen next."

He took out his measuring tape and went into the future. Leaving them befuddled for no reason.

Then _another_ Blendin came by in a bright flash. This time, it was more apparent that he was scared and nervous, sweating a lot. "G-g-guys! We have to save Gravity—O-oh, I'm too late! I'm gonna go back in time to see if I c-c-can warn you earlier!" Blendin stammered, bringing a bucket of information, before using the tape _again_. He vanished into earlier with an explosion of light, which was just three paragraphs above.

A white spark, that was akin to the first two time travelling entrances, blinded the Pines twins once again, and the _first_ Blendin they witnessed was there.

"Okay, what you just witnessed a few seconds ago was my first reaction, and the first time you saw me today was the 'second-time-you-saw-me' me going back in time, and that Blendin went into the future and here I am!" Blendin stated in a perplexing manner. The twins took a while to soak it in.

"That was confusing." Dipper remarked.

"We h-have to save Gravity Falls!" Blendin exclaimed, flailing his arms up.

"Yeah, someone on my side!" Mabel put her hands up.

The three stared at each other, with Dipper saying, "What do we do now? We're facing against earthquakes, fire storms, the extinction of pitt cola and..." He peered outside the broken window, finding little blue portals everywhere. "... _portals_? Four-dimensional portals? The ring is powerful enough to create rifts in dimensions? I swear, someone's going to come here through these portals accidentally."

Suddenly, a blue portal appeared out of nowhere, surprising only Blendin and Mabel, while Dipper left his 'I expected it' face _on_. The eight and a half president of the United States, Quentin Trembley, stepped out and had his serious face on. It was hard to take it seriously when you could see he wasn't wearing any pants.

"Rodrick and Mabel Pines, we have come again to discuss urgent matters!" Quentin informed, and the three other people in the room knew what he was talking about. These unlikely occurrences needed to stop!

The president pulled up a poster.

"People are still wearing pants!" he stated with absurdity.

Mabel snickered at the unexpected statement, while Blendin and Dipper facepalmed.

"My name's Dipper!" the boy with the blue hat cried out. "And at least you walked into the portal on purpose."

"I'm sorry to mistake your name the first time, Danny—"

"Dipper." he corrected.

"—Decker." Quentin apologized. It was still a mistake, but Dipper let it go. "But people need to know that pants are useless in the economy! Unless it's winter, then pants are a _great_ investment." The president shook his head. "Anyway, in other news, there is some terrible force destroying the town."

"Yeah, it's the ring." Dipper replied, showing the golden ring he put on his middle finger. He wouldn't put it on the ring finger (the fourth finger out of five, but Dipper only has four fingers, so who knows) because he knows it means something along the lines that it's the 'wedding ring' finger or it's to symbolize 'true love' or something. He respected that, which is why he left it on the middle.

As Quentin and Blendin inspected it, Mabel was being herself. "This is like that movie trilogy where there were these hobbits trying to destroy a ring by putting it into a volcano." Mabel remarked as a joke. "If it was anything like that, there should be more people or followers."

As if on cue, a pixelated figure faded into existence. This man was a fighter and a pure warrior for the good of everything, but violent. Eh, who cares, violence is always the answer to problems. If that was the case, and it _is_ , this man has everything going good for him. Dipper recognized this warrior.

"Rumble McSkirmish?"

"Huh?" Rumble, the video game warrior, pointed his finger at the boy. "Dishonest baby girl! It is _you_!"

Realizing he had a space gun and a love goddess as a sister, Rumble didn't seem too much of a threat. So, Dipper replied, "Yeah, nice seeing you here too."

"I want a revenge rematch with you and me!" Rumble stated. "We will fight _now_!"

Mabel snapped her fingers, making Rumble calmer and less aggressive, using the magic that was her goddess of love powers! What she did do? All she did was make Rumble a more loving person, since that was still in her abilities, and that in turn made him less hostile. He would care a bit more and try to understand others' feelings... by a small margin. It was small enough that he's still the man he is, but actually _listens_.

"Hey now. Gravity Falls is in danger. We need to save people." she stated. "Now are we finished introducing new characters?" she asked no one in particular.

Dipper felt his pink forcefield pop and his neck being strangled from behind. Everyone gasped and stepped back at the display of skill and stealth from Dipper Pines' attacker. This guy was good, he snuck up on everyone, since they didn't even notice him till his surprising entrance. And how he managed to trap Dipper into a hold, that was skill. Dipper felt something cold against his throat, and his first thought was that it was a knife. And it was.

"Left me for dead! Didn't get the girl! And you didn't even come _looking_ for me? We had a _plan_ , Dipper."

Dipper recognized that voice. It was like... _his_. But scratchier?

"Dipper, you never told me you had a twin." Mabel said, causing Dipper to rethink who this person was. It couldn't be Tyrone, he melted. It had to be the other copies. While he thought of that, Mabel added, "Excluding me, of course."

Dipper guessed the numbers that went off to steal Robbie's bike during that party. "Number three? Or four?"

"Wrong. My new name is Adam." this clone said.

Dipper groaned, "That's my _second_ favorite name!"

"That's right—" Adam was interrupted by the pixelated video game character.

"I see!" Rumble yelled, "Dipper was framed for all the bad things he did to me! Lying and cheating the game was all the imposter's doing! I forgive you, Dipper Pines." Rumble bowed, connecting pieces of evidence that weren't a slightest bit true. "The imposter must be the one that tricked me into thinking that hooded man _killed_ your father!"

"Uh, g-g-g-guys, can't you see we're dealing with a Gravity Falls-wide catastrophe?" Blendin demanded, his inner heroism for justice thickened. "We have to save the town!"

"Yeah!" Mabel pointed her finger at Adam, and made him telekinetically let go of Dipper. In other words, she was controlling Adam's body to let go of Dipper and hold him in place. To be honest, this wasn't really a power that stemmed from love. More from the goddess thing.

"Hey!" Adam shouted at the invisible force, struggling against it. "Let me go!"

"Not until you give up your grudge against Dipper and help us save Gavity Falls' citizens!" Mabel demanded.

"W-w-wait! We're not gonna save the whole Gravity Falls?" Blendin asked. "Just the citizens?"

"We can't. Until Dipper's ring stops doing what it's doing, we could only save the people of this city."

Dipper turned and got a better look at Adam. He had the same face, but everything else was different. His hair was spiked upwards and he had no hat. Instead, he had a biker helmet. He wore all black, which must be really hot out in the sun. He guessed it was only for stealth purposes, so what did he know? Adam was full of gadgets, mostly like how much a spy or agent would have.

Dipper turned to their makeshift team.

"Well, son, we're all on the good side. What do we do now?" Quentin asked.

"We will keep the people of Gravity Falls from harm. In this hour, we become the heroes this city needs!" Dipper heroically said.

"But not the one it deserves..." Mabel added in.

* * *

The group of six (yes, Adam included) went out of the Mystery Shack, ignoring Grunkle Stan ranting about how his nose couldn't stop leaking like a faucet, and going straight to the town by a portal. It seemed that only those with higher authority were able to use portals to their advantage, which was where Quentin Trembley came in. As a legal president of the United States, he commanded the portal to send them to the heart of Gravity Falls.

Mabel could probably use the portals because she was a senator assigned by Quentin, _and_ a love goddess. She had a huge amount of authority. And to this story's continuity, so did Dipper, but you'll know why when the time comes.

They didn't expect something more devastating in the heart of Gravity Falls.

* * *

"Are y-you kidding me?!" Blendin shouted.

"That's a black hole..." Dipper informed, remembering his space-pirate adventures.

Up in the sky, there was huge hole in it, black and leading to nowhere but space. It was vacuuming things that were near it, but it didn't affect anyone on the ground too much. To explain this, there's this force that keeps people to the ground called gravity (and electromagentism, but that's Bill's philosophy...), and it was countering the black holes' _infinite_ gravity.

Maybe because it was just a portal and all that stuff. Dipper learned from Bill that these were only more destructive in space because it works better when there's no air.

Signposts and lamps were being thrown in, and they were pulled apart harshly.

Dipper and Blendin winced, as Adam shook his head.

"You were always such a disappointment, Dipper." the clone remarked.

"Hey! Keep shut up or I'll have to use my punches!" Rumble warned, protecting Dipper from Adam.

"You always needed a bodyguard." Adam added.

"What's our team name?" Mabel asked, interrupting Adam's badassery and replacing the tone with happiness. "I always pictured it as 'Mabel's angels'."

"Fight fighters, the two." Rumble informed.

"You mean there's only two of us?" Quentin asked. "I counted six... is two the new six in this generation?"

"Negative. I mean, second period of fight fighters." Rumble explained.

Quentin nodded, "Ooh..."

"I say we call ourselves the Gravity Fallers." Blendin said, before making the motto. "We will fall for this town!"

"Ugh, just call us whatever and let's get on with it." Adam said impatiently, sliding the visor of his helmet down. "We're here to save people. Not talk about team stuff."

"Adam's right." Dipper stated, gaining the team's attention. The clone glared at him for taking the spotlight. "We have to make sure no one gets hurt because of me. And since you guys are volunteering, do this as best you can."

Mabel flew into the air. "I'll take the skies. You know, if people suddenly floated off into the black hole." she shrugged.

"I'll get the police force on the move to secure the perimeters!" Quentin informed, running off.

Dipper knew the way was opposite, and shouted, "It's the other way!"

Quentin turned and ran pass them. "Thank you, Derrick."

"It's Dip—never mind." Dipper sighed, watching the man portal away to the police.

"I'll go to see if anyone needs punching!" Rumble said.

"I'm... going to supervise Rumble." Blendin informed, "I'm n-n-not confident with him."

"Guess I'm going to have to—crap! Bill!" Dipper suddenly remembered his deal with him a few chapter ago. "I'm supposed to take care of Pacifica and Peter! Adam, since you're practically me, take the lead." Dipper began heading for the Northwest mansion.

That left Adam alone, as Blendin and Rumble have gone off to punch stuff, while Mabel was being superman. Adam sighed through the motorcycle helmet, giving it a cool echo. "Dipper would want to save people. I'm going to go with his directions. It's his plan, after all..."

* * *

With Blendin and Rumble...

"How did you get to this point?" Blendin asked, curious of Rumble's backstory. Even as a time traveller, there were still things out of his reach. "Did you h-h-have bad parents, or were your parents caught in some kind of tragedy, or were you just a natural-born warrior, or a science experiment gone wrong, or the best martial artist in the world?"

"I do not know the unknown." Rumble replied.

"You don't kn-know? That's a bummer." Blendin remarked.

They noticed the fiery clouds of doom raining fire at a crowded area. The people were unwary of it, until a teenager, Robbie, stood out from them and screamed, "The clouds are raining _fire_!"

"We need to s-s-save them!" Blendin gasped, "Rumble! Use your punches at the clouds!"

"Nothing can beat the power of _PUNCHES_!" Rumble shouted, rapidly firing fists of fury at the incoming fireballs. "Fists of combination!" The warrior used all his limbs, all going forth like a blur, shooting out waves of punches and kicks at the fireballs. His multitude of attacks extinguished the fires, saving people and letting them cheer him on.

The crowd picked him up and cheered. "Rumble! Rumble! Rumble!"

"This is strange custom of celebration." Rumble remarked, uncertain of what to think of their ways. "I _like_ it!"

Blendin smiled, but an eerie feeling loomed over him. He looked back and saw Adam running away from them. The time traveller shrugged it off and continued beaming at his partner's success.

* * *

The police station...

Quentin stepped out of the portal, and everyone in the police force recognized him. Sheriff Blubs choked on his coffee seeing him.

"Mister president!" he greeted, saluting.

"We need every police cop in Gravity Falls to make a perimeter around the more dangerous things!" Quentin ordered, "If not, more of the town's citizens will get hurt and it will not do any good to our tourism statistics."

"Yes, sir!" Sheriff Blubs got on the radio and contacted everyone he knew. "Hello? This is Sheriff Blubs coming in! I've got permission from the president to make perimeters around the area!"

Quentin nodded at this, trying to look serious without wearing any pants.

One of the windows of the police station shattered, and the projectile was a plain can. Outside, people were rioting, holding up signs of the memorable drink: pitt cola.

"PITT COLA! PITT COLA!"

"Maybe we should get half the police focused on the riot outside." Quentin advised, his eyes widening from the display of hostility from the citizens.

"Yes, sir." the sheriff complied.

* * *

With Dipper...

Dipper ran towards the Northwest mansion, remembering the road taken to the place.

It was atop a hill, how hard could it be to find that?

Still, it was a shocker seeing Northwest mansion peril under the earthquake. After over a hundred years, the mansion thought it was time for it to go down. The house had been utterly demolished by the forces of nature, with debris and wooden materials scattered everywhere. Dipper's eyed widened in fear, and he ran towards the place even faster.

"No!" Dipper shouted, shaking his head. "No. No. No. No. NO!"

He couldn't believe it.

The boy ran up to the entrance of the house, and only found a giant dump of metals, wood and rocks. Dipper looked around frantically, panicking at the thought that he lost Pacifica. He wasn't thinking about Bill honestly, he just wanted to see her okay and safe from harm. But that wasn't the case.

Dipper pulled up some of the wooden planks on the destroyed house, trying to make sure she wasn't inside. He just wanted to see her.

" _PACIFICA_!" he called out, digging away more rock and bricks, scraping his hands. He didn't care that it hurt. He just needed to see her alive and well. "PACIFICA!?"

He didn't get a response.

Dipper's hands were dirty, caked with dust and rocks with the rare occasion that he'd get some cuts from some sharp objects like glass. He felt his eyes watering, but he stopped himself. A real man doesn't cry. They don't break down like sissies. Dipper stayed strong, his chest feeling heavy and harder to breathe. He kept at it, picking up fragments just to see his _friend_.

"... _Pacifica_?" he asked aloud once more, his voice on the verge of sobbing.

* * *

With Mabel...

The love goddess of Gravity Falls swooped down and caught a cat that was stuck in a tree, and set it down. She huffed and wiped the sweat on her forehead, feeling like it was a strenous task. She had to fly everywhere to make sure this black hole didn't pick anyone up.

"He-Help!" someone shouted.

Mabel flew towards the sound, finding a teenager in a black hoodie floating upwards. It reminded her of Norman, her first summer romance in Gravity Falls, who was a pack of gnomes. She tackled him in the air, and flew back down to the ground. She set him down without a second thought and zipped back into the skies.

There was another shout for help.

"AHH! Somebody! Help me!" another teenager in a black hoodie pleaded.

Mabel cracked her hands and made a straight beeline for the guy. The teen froze in fear when he saw Mabel flying towards him. She knew who that guy was. That was Robbie, the guy Dipper despised for being romantically inclined to Wendy. Well, there were no unfriendly feelings for each other anymore, since Dipper didn't have a crush on Wendy, because of Mabel. She was the love goddess, and the blame was on her when she paired him up with Pacifica.

"AHH! Someone else help me!" Robbie cried, realizing that he was gonna get rescued by a girl three more than years younger than him.

"Relax, Robbie, it's just me: Mabel!" the love goddess said, carrying him bridal style. "Who else would save you from a black hole?"

"Someone else?"

"Nobody, Robbie!" Mabel answered, which was dark considering the way she was answering it happily.

"That's... not helping." Robbe replied.

"I know! I just wanted to tell you the truth about this situation!" Mabel stated, "Everyone likes honesty, right?"

"Not everyone..." Robbie rolled his eyes.

"I don't know how to reply to that." Mabel set him down on the ground, and flew back up to sky duty.

* * *

With Adam...

Sure. What could get any worse?

There were earthquakes, fire clouds, pitt cola extinction, portals and black holes. What did he need to do? He had literally nothing else to do. Everyone had done their part of the job, leaving nothing to Adam.

He would've preferred it that way. Instead, the Universe laughed in his face and figuratively kicked him in the groin.

The zombies were _everywhere_.

Yep. _Zombies_.

"Good day to _you_ , you undead fossils! Come to get a daily dose of pain?!" Adam shouted, stabbing a zombie in the head with his knife. "How'd you like to enter hell again?!"

Adam kicked and another zombie went down. He punched, and something splattered. He stole someone's arm, and smacked it across the faces of many others. In his perspective, the arm was pretty durable to knock out multiple heads at once. This might be his favorite weapon yet.

He found the zombie he stole the arm from. He batted him multiple times with it. "Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself!" Adam mocked, striking he undead repeatedly until it was just bones on the ground.

Adam looked around, and saw zombies limping towards him.

"Where are these things coming from?" Adam asked himself, "There aren't any cemeteries nearby. At least, to _my_ knowledge."

Lucky for him, the pixelated fighter rose from the shadows and started having a punch frenzy. "Punch! Punch! Punch!" Rumble shouted, bashing his fists against the skulls of multiple zombies. Each one utterly decimated the zombie apocalypse. "Hah! The dead people must be made of cardboard!"

Blendin jumped into the fray, blasting zombies with his time-blaster, which could age anything to dust. "These rombies are easier to defeat than in the future!"

"Excuse me, what?" Adam asked, unfamiliar with the zombie name Blendin used. "These are zombies."

"They look s-s-so much like rombies to me." Blendin remarked.

Adam shrugged, and began beating dead people with their arms.

Up above, Mabel flew through the clouds and called in her inner powers of decreasing someone's love for another, to the point that they'd hate each other. She had dubbed this 'technique' as black magic, since to her, this was a dangerous weapon. Mabel cast down lasers at the zombies, and made them hate each other.

Although they were braindead, they still somehow understood the meaning of hate and began beating each other up.

"Haha! They are doing our job for us." Rumble grinned.

"We're doing good for this escalation party." Mabel informed, levitating just above the ground. "What else can the Universe throw at us?"

"Y-You don't say that!" Blendin shouted. "Now we're in p-p-potential danger of _another_ threat!"

"I don't think so. When this started, Dipper's ring had a countdown on its last hour." Mabel stated, "I'm pretty sure it's been fifty-five minutes."

* * *

With Dipper...

Dipper got rid of a pile of materials, and was now sitting on a lumpy wooden surface that was once part of the roof. He felt the stings and burns on his arms, and wanted it to go away. He told himself that this was the consequence of not thinking straight. Acting too quickly and not planning this. He had no idea why he dug in some random place. There was a big chance Pacifica wasn't there.

He took off his white and blue hat and looked at the lone, blue Pine Tree in the middle. It reminded him that it was just a symbol he represented and failed. Pacifica was the Pine Tree now, and... she was nowhere to be seen. He didn't want to think she died. He thought she couldn't be dead.

Dipper put his hat back on and continued removing splinters off his skin.

KLAK!

The boy stood up, eyes dilating as he tried to look for the sound. He saw pieces of wood being lifted up by some huge monster. Dipper took a step back, reaching for the space gun he had in his vest pocket.

This huge monster rose from the debris, its back facing Dipper. It turned, standing ten feet tall, looked like some kind of giant tree, and was carrying something. The monster neared Dipper, who pointed the gun at the monster, ready to fire.

Until he saw her.

Her unconscious body in the hands of that monster.

Dipper's hands shook in both rage and fear. But the tree monster didn't look like he cared about Dipper's feelings. It only knew that he was its protector. Peter stepped forward, shrinking back to his normal mini-sized self, while gently putting Pacifica down.

Dipper's eyes widened, rushing over to the plant. "Peter?"

The small Pine Tree didn't respond.

Dipper started crying.

"Thank you..." He pulled Peter into a hug. "Thank you..."

Dipper lay the plant in Pacifica's arms, before carrying her off the rubble.

* * *

With the black hole...

"What do we do now?" Blendin asked.

"Fight those policemen?" Rumble suggested, pointing innocently at both Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland.

"No, Rumble, they're on our side." Mabel explained in a soft voice.

"I say we G-fallers did a good job here." Adam said in his semi-deep Dipper voice.

"You're taking the name?" Quentin asked, putting his hands on his hips. "Well, I'll admit it. I've grown fond of the group name too."

"Too bad I'm going to resume being M.I.A." Adam informed, rubbing his wrists, which were fitted with gauntlets.

"It's not only you. I have to go back to the future." Blendin replied, ravishing his hand through his new hair. "You know, duty calls."

"I have to go save my pals in the fight fighters dimension." Rumble added.

"I'm gonna go away after the summer, which is like... _never._ " Mabel said.

"And I have to go and stock up on peanut brittle. And find a cryogenic chamber for it." Quentin stated. "So, we're all gonna be busy. Maybe the G-fallers won't come back anymore."

"Well, not the original founders." Mabel informed with a smile. " _But_ , new members can take your place to uphold the G-fallers team! I think I'm gonna hold an audition here while I wait for you guys to come back."

"Great idea." Quentin remarked.

The five continued looking up at the black hole, which they swore they could see it getting nearer and nearer. The vortex to another place was gigantic, however, only dust was entering it at this point. The police had set up a perimeter around the black hole, to keep people away. And without the society of the blind eye, everyone will remember this day.

Dipper walked in line with them, missing out on all the action. "Wow, I missed a lot. You guys even fought _zombies_."

"It is fun punching the dead people!" Rumble stated.

"We still have one thing left... this black hole." Quentin obviously informed, raising an arm to show him the giant black portal in the sky.

"I'll handle this." Dipper said.

The other five raised a brow when he stepped forward. The ring on Dipper's finger glowed with a golden power, absorbing the infinite gravity of the black hole. He raised his hand, and the vortex seemed to fade itself into the ring, and also forming space particles to create a golden sword. The black hole vanished into the blade, and Dipper carried it like it was no big deal.

"This will come in handy." Dipper told himself, before letting go of the sword. It went into the ring, only to come out if called.

"FINALLY! ALL THE SERIOUS PARTS ARE OUT!"

Dipper saw his surroundings, and yep, it was all black and white. They were in the dreamscape. Mabel was the only other one in range who could move in this world with Bill and Dipper. While Bill rested his hands on his angles, Dipper tapped his foot against the ground.

"Where _were_ you!?" Dipper demanded.

Bill rolled his eye, slyly looking away.

* * *

Flaaashbaaack...

Bill Cipher was sitting in a room, which looked like an office. He had his legs propped up against the table, and leaned against the computer chair, eating the _same_ sandwich from a while ago.

"LUNCHBREAK!" Bill told us.

* * *

Back to the present...

Bill put his hands behind his back. "I HAD BUSINESS TO TAKE CARE OF."

"Did you know I had to—ugh, never mind..." Dipper looked around and found a few destroyed locations around the town. "...for your tardiness, we'll have a deal."

"OH, COME ON. I WOULDN'T HAVE COME HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE THEN." Bill replied, "WHAT ABOUT YOU ANSWER ME THIS QUESTION AND I RESTORE GRAVITY FALLS BACK TO ITS NORMAL, PEACEFUL SETTING?"

Dipper nodded, "We could do that."

"OKAY... WHAT'S THE NAME OF THE GUY THAT RAISED THE DEAD AROUND HERE?"

"Uh, what?"

Bill connected the dots and asked another question that should have the same answer. "WHO DO YOU HYPOTHESIZE THE STITCHED-HEART IS?"

"Uh..." Dipper rubbed his chin, thinking over this. He'd seen the stitched heart before. But where?

Then it hit him. Like a nuke exploded in his mind.

"...Robbie?"

"DONE. SHAKE MY HAND AND THE DEAL'S SEALED."

The two shook hands and bright blue fire covered them.

"NOW I CAN FINALLY GO BACK TO FINISHING THAT SANDWICH." Bill stated, snapping his fingers and fading the dreamscape away. All color brought life back to the scenery.

"Sandwi—what?" Dipper raised a brow. But all the confusion faded as soon as he saw the town in complete restoration. Everything had returned just the way it was. The smoke from the fire rain was gone, the poles are back where they were, and the ground looked like it never had an earthquake.

"Woah. Everything just popped up out of nowhere!" Quentin remarked.

"Well then, it's been fun, guys." Blendin stated in a hurried manner. "See you whenever." He took out the time-travelling measuring tape and zipped into a bright light, vanishing into the depths of time and space.

"I think I have to leave this dimension as well. Goodbye, friends." Rumble saluted, his pixels turning over one at a time, and he too disappeared, but off to a two-dimensional reality.

"Hm..." Quentin did a motion like opening a curtain, but through thin air. But this time, a portal was summoned through the motion. "Well, this is my stop. Good luck to you fellows." The president hopped into the blue portal he created. "Geronimo!" And the portal vanished just like that.

Dipper and Mabel shrugged to each other, walking away.

Adam was left standing in a circle that had moved on. The clone pulled out a key that looked a century old, bronze in color. Adam glanced over at the Pines twins, who forgot about him as easily as a missing page. He flipped down his visor and tapped the helmet's earpiece, and a lone motorcycle drove to his side. He got onto it, activating autopilot. The bike gave a roar and zoomed off at high velocities.

"Idiots," he muttered under his breath, "I got what I came for..." He pulled up the key yo his face, letting the wind blow it. "...the president's key."

* * *

Somewhere...

The ice cracked.

It was free.

The shapeshifter got its way through the block of frozen ice. It looked over at its savior, who was a bit short and looked unthreatening. The shapeshifter bowed, "I am forever at your debt."

"If that's _so_..." the figure lent out his hand. "...the persuasion I planned is unnecessary."

* * *

 **A/N: I think you know the reason why this was updated later than the norm.**

 **Look at its length!** _(That's what she said.)_

 **This chapter had loads of crap going on. Well, team G-Fallers would return someday, but with different members. Next chapter, I'm going to have to tone down the character roles. This one had two main characters, a major, and three minors that appeared with big roles and was hard to incorporate and make jokes with.**

 **Fun Fact #8: Okay, so I looked back at my notes for chapter seven, and found that: in the first prank, Dipper was supposed to get a surprise ice-bucket challenge that had brown food coloring. Instead this was changed to water balloons, because... I forgot about it.**


	9. Dipper and Oranges

**A/N: I've noticed this story is turning out to be an epic instead of a comedy. Sorry, my subconscious couldn't help itself. :]**

 **Also, changed the cover. Hope you like it. :)**

* * *

 **Deals**

 **Day 9: Dipper and Oranges**

* * *

Dipper was up early at midnight, being the night owl he was, and investigating the journal again. Mabel had brought down all the drapes he hung, plus the cardboard. She used the latter to make a banner. Now that Bill could see him, Dipper felt more secluded and brought himself to a more narrower conclusion. When he decoded the invisible ink. All he read was:

 _'Question Mark is the reason.'_

Dipper took his hat off, which had a flashlight taped to the top of it, and rubbed his temples, trying to think of why Question Mark is the 'reason'. Soos was supposed to be the reason to _what_? Giving an answer without a definite question was tough to understand. Question Mark could be the reason to anything. The reason to Bill Cipher? The reason to the supernatural? The reason to the ten symbols? The reason to _Tad Strange_?

Well, the last one made some sense because Soos turned from Question Mark to Tad Strange. The other ones... not so much, because this book had to be around before Soos was even born. That was how Dipper thought of it. And if Soos was the reason to Bill Cipher, the supernatural or the ten symbols, it wouldn't make sense. The last one would only suggest this whole thing was a prophecy.

Dipper sighed, squeezing his eyes.

Creeeak.

The boy was full of energy once he heard the wooden planks squeak downstairs. Hurriedly, he jumped out of bed and got his space gun while the singularity sword glowed out of his ring. He dubbed it the _singularity_ sword, because in Physics and Mathematics, the singularity meant something in space-time that was infinitely dense; the center of a _black hole_. Thus, the name.

Dipper slowly open the door, wary of the intruder in the middle of the night, and thought he could handle this himself. Like a man. He was gonna protect this house and his sister, Mabel, if Grunkle Stan couldn't. Plus, he doubted the old man could hear a single intruder. Everytime there was a loud ruckus at midnight, Stan would sleep through it and not confront them about it. It was weird. Hint, hint.

With the space gun in his left hand and the sword in his right, they were... actually too heavy for him to dual wield. And aiming them would be a difficult thing to do because they had weight and his arms were trembling from it. Dipper put the gun in front of him, dragging the sword along behind his back, seeing to cut the monster with a wide swipe.

He went down the stairs and got to the kitchen, finding someone who had white hair, blue clothes and a peculiar weapon in his hands.

"Gideon!" Dipper cried, ready to press the trigger.

"Wait, wait, I'm not Gideon!" the intruder waved at him not to shoot, only having a flashlight in his hand. His voice wasn't as squeaky, and he was taller and less chubbier. "He's my cousin."

"Yeah, still part of the Gleeful family. Come to take revenge?" Dipper interrogated, his space gun pointed and filled to the brim with blue knockout energy.

"Uh, partly... yes?" he answered. Seeing the gun that looked like the future, he changed his mind and took a cautious step backwards. "But only because my family sent me here to take Gideon's place. See, the Tent of Telepathy is a family business. And since my uncle-in-law don't have those powers, and my aunt is..." He shook his head, muttering something indistinctly. "...my dad brought me here for the summer to make some profits."

"Well, I've learned _nothing_ new, except for the fact that you guys replicate." Dipper remarked. "What's gonna stop me from shooting you because you broke into my house? And don't say because it's against the law, because I'm only doing this for self-defense. You, on the other hand, have no excuse when it comes to breaking and entering."

"Dude, why are you so aggressive?" he asked. "I know Gideon can be annoying. But really? Or are you just paranoid?"

" _Annoying_? Try _agonizing_." Dipper informed, "He dated my sister, tried to kill us when we were tiny, stole the contract to this house illegally, tricked everyone into thinking he was a psychic when all he had were pins that had little cameras recording their every move, _and_ used a giant ninety-foot robot to kill me and my sister."

The intruder was silent for a second. "I knew this place is a supernatural paradise..." the Gleeful remarked, "And woah, it's a miracle he isn't in jail."

"He _is_ in jail."

He retorted, "Try _was_. He's in his house." He shrugged his head backwards. "Bribed me to get in here to steal a journal. Because he thinks it's a brilliant plan and the fact that I've never met you before strengthens it."

Dipper retracted his space gun and looked away, feeling angry that another problem arose. "He _escaped_?" he seethed, but his rage was still apparent in his tone.

"Hey, we Gleefuls pride ourselves in being magical. I'm a master at being a con artist! And Gideon is a master at being resourceful. I bet he was able to make a construct out of spoons and drill his way out of his cell." he stated jokingly, before putting his hand out for him to shake. "I'm Barry Gleeful, by the way."

"I'm not shaking your hand." Dipper scoffed.

"Good for you. Haha..." he fake-laughed, pulling out a joy buzzer from his hand. "Thought I could knock you out..."

"You thought wrong." Dipper pointed at the door. "Get outta my house, you Gleeful copy."

"Sheesh." Barry complained, walking to the door. "I never knew getting off scot-free came with bad names. It's like I'm still getting punished." The Gleeful opened the door and quietly closed it, since he had manners like any person would.

Dipper glared at the door in a tired fashion. "That was weird. I wonder what Bill is doing?" He looked down at the carpet, which had a triangle and an eye on it. He crouched down to it, knocking at the large rug. "Hey, Bill, you there?"

* * *

Meanwhile, in the dreamscape...

"JASON!" Bill cried out, "JASON, WHERE'S THAT CONTRACT I ASKED YOU TO MAKE?"

In the lonely office, there was one computer and a megaton of files stacked around. Bill had his desk on one side, while his one worker would work on the computer on the other side. This one worker is named Jason. He just does his paperwork nowadays. "It's being typed, boss." the guy named Jason, responded.

"WELL, TYPE FASTER! I'M NOT PAYING YOU TO DO NOTHING!" Bill informed, looming over and casting a giant shadow over him.

Swerving around on his chair, he looked at Bill like a student who's tired of working would do. "You don't pay me." Jason replied nonchalantly.

Bill stared at him for a moment, before tapping at his chin once. "UH..." Bill gave him his hand, that had blue fire on it. "WOULD YOU LIKE TO MAKE A DEAL?"

"Sorry, boss, I know what you're doing." Jason sighed, turning back to his computer desk. "Besides, I have practically everything in reality. What more do I want?"

"INFINITE POWER?" Bill guessed.

Jason paused in his typing and looked back slowly. "Go on..."

* * *

Back to reality, about morning time...

In the living room of the Mystery Shack, the Pines twins were watching morning cartoons. When, one of them suddenly remembered what they were supposed to do. "Hey, Dipper, guess what _I'm_ doing today?" Mabel exclaimed.

"Uh, knitting sweaters?" Dipper guessed, reading a normal book this time while sitting on Grunkle Stan's seat.

"No! I'm gonna make an audition for the G-fallers!" Mabel answered, "It'll be awesome. It's gonna be like that one comic book studio that ruled the movie industry by making its cinematic universe! And the it's latest blockbuster group movie consisted of the original members being replaced with new ones, except for two. It's just like what's happening right now! You and me staying in the same spot, while four others come in."

"Okay," Dipper smiled at his twin's enthusiasm. "One thing: what's G-fallers?"

"That's the name of our group yesterday." Mabel stated happily.

"You mean, me, you, Blendin, Quentin, Rumble and what's-his-name in a group?" Dipper asked.

"Exactly that!" Mabel said.

"I wasn't in the battle with you." Dipper stated.

"You were," Mabel poked him in the head and chest. "In mind and soul."

"Well, I'm going to stay at home and—"

Just as he was going to say 'relax', Grunkle Stan walked in the room, not even looking at Dipper, and ordered, "Dipper, get the Mystery Shack some oranges, will ya?" But, when Stan's referring to Mabel, he looked at her. "Mabel, you can go do whatever you want."

"Yay, auditions!" Mabel ran out of the living room and carried her cardboard banner with her.

"Whaaat?" Dipper moaned, "Why _oranges_?"

"Because people love orange juice." Grunkle Stan stated, crossing his arms and holding his head high. " _Not_ lemonade."

Dipper gasped, before jumping out of the chair, provoked. "You take that back! Lemonade _is_ a serious business!"

"Face it, kid. I heard from Soos you made a total of four bucks in some made-up dimension. And your only two customers were your sister and my employee, which doesn't count." Stan stated, "Besides, this'll be great exercise for you. All you need to do is pick oranges from an orange tree."

"Can't I just buy them?" Dipper asked, before inwardly slapping himself from such a stupid question.

" _Buy_ them?! Pffft, why buy when you can get 'em for free? Plus, this can hit two birds with one stone: everyone _loves_ freshly made orange juice that came from natural sources." Grunkle Stan informed. "Now go help the family profit by getting oranges. It's the only time you'll ever get useful in your age. Trust me, I've gone down that road." he shivered, "The streets were so _cold_."

Knowing how his Grunkle got bullied as a kid, Dipper kind of felt sympathetic. The boy scratched his head, "Yeah, I'll... go get oranges."

Dipper left the room with his head down.

Stan kept his act, before beaming brightly when he heard the door open and shut itself. "The kid bought it. Haha!"

Soos walked in and they both high-fived each other.

"This orange plan will be a great investment, Stan. You will _not_ regret it." Soos informed.

"I'll _never_ regret this," Grunkle Stan smiled in a derpy way. "Once we teach that bear to juggle, we can advertise our shack to _everyone_ in town! Imagine it, Soos: our bear will be driving with its feet and juggling oranges with the Mystery Shack logo behind his back!"

With both imagining it, they cried manly tears.

"It's so _beautiful_!" Soos remarked, eyes watering from the ingeniousness.

"I know!" Stan cried, weeping his heart out joyfully.

* * *

Dipper was walking down the woods, trying to find an orange tree. But first, he needed an expert in the greens to help him.

And this expert was staying in the Northwest residence.

* * *

With Mabel...

Mabel was in the heart of Gravity Falls, holding up team auditions for the G-fallers. She needed someone that were like Rumble, Quentin, Blendin and that other guy. What's his name? Eden? Danny? Aiden? Eh, she didn't need to know, it wasn't that special anyway. So, what she needed was a brawler, a president, a time-traveller and a forgettable person. Where could she find people to match those qualities?

An audition was a great place to start, and even if she only had a counter, a notepad and a banner, it was all she needed to start it.

"You're never gonna find anyone like that." Wendy informed, reading the cast list of what Mabel needed. "A brawler, well, my dad could fit the part, but I don't want him messing around with you guys, so he's a no-no. A president? What kind of president are you looking for?"

"A president of the United States." Mabel grinned.

"Uh... okay. What about school presidents? People that fit your age." Wendy suggested.

"Are they people with high authority?" Mabel questioned.

"Well, in school terms." Wendy shrugged. "And then you need a time-traveller. I don't think you'll be able to find anyone like _that_. Time-travelling is a science fiction concept that isn't real." She then figured that with a shapeshifter and a _real_ haunted store around Gravity Falls, there is probably nothing that can't happen. "Or not normally real. It can happen."

"It _can_ happen." Mabel stated in a determined way.

"Okay. So, you need a forgettable person." Wendy smacked her lips. "I know a _lot_ of forgettable people. That guy with the awesome moustache who acts as a president, that guy in school who kept pestering me for pencils, that girl who was in that viral video, and most of my non-visiting family members."

Wendy stopped, thinking it was weird for Mabel to be silent after all that, like she was thinking of something.

Finally, the love goddess blurted out, "Can you be the brawler?"

"Who? Me?" Wendy asked incredulously. "I don't think I'm as good as this Rumble guy..."

"C'mon, Wendy, you're a tough girl." Mabel nudged her. "Even Dipper admires you for your skills as the coolest badass ever."

"Well, if you want me to, I'll try." Wendy said.

"Great! You're in!" Mabel exclaimed.

"That's it? No overcomplicated rituals or tests that I keep seeing in movies?" Wendy inquired.

"I base the team out of their relationship and trust." Mabel informed, nodding her head. "I know your skills. You're pretty radical."

"Aw, thanks Mabel. You don't know how much that means to me." Wendy said, side-hugging the Shooting Star like how an older sister would. "So, what's the first order of business?"

"I don't know. If we can find an apocalypse to prevent, we'll do that." Mabel announced. "But for now, we're gonna be focusing on recruits!"

* * *

Around the Northwest mansion...

Pacifica opened the door to her gigantic house, which returned to its original state after yesterday, and half-expected Dipper to be at her door. She felt giddy that her friend went to see her, and just her, out of all the people in Gravity Falls, alone. She was delighted, seeing him was the most joyous thing she ever experienced. She felt happy. She didn't need to win any medals or first prizes, or show off her money, this time.

This time, she just needed to accompany people. And it was _so_ much more rewarding than anything else she had ever gotten. Seeing Dipper visiting her when he lived far away and had no transportation, was a dream.

But to Dipper, seeing Pacifica and the Northwest mansion was a _nightmare_.

While he walked up the steps, he remembered seeing it demolished for the first time. And thinking she was dead under the rubble was traumatizing. Everytime he pictured her, it would always be her, lying unconscious on the ground. And whenever he yelled her name, she wouldn't respond. Never again.

He looked at the floor, eyes darting towards the little cracks he thought would bring the entire building down.

Pacifica raised a brow, "Dipper, what's wrong?"

The boy with a Pine Tree hat snapped away from his thoughts, and looked up at the rich girl. "Uh, this may sound weird, but can I _borrow_ Peter?" he asked, twirling his arms around.

"...sure." Pacifica replied. She took a second to get the potted Pine Tree and handed it over to Dipper. "Anything else?"

Dipper stared at her. He memorized how she looked and all the things that made him like her. He missed her. But she was safe. She didn't need him, he was only this visiting mystery solver in Gravity Falls. What could he do for her?

What would Bill do to him if he didn't protect _Pine Tree_?

"Nothing."

"Okay..." Pacifica closed the door, and for a split second, Dipper thought she frowned.

Dipper hugged the potted Pine Tree, imagining it was someone else. Someone he swore to protect. Back then, she was only seen as the rich girl that he and his sister hated. Now, she was seen as this poorly raised girl who only thought of respecting her parents and her family name, until she finally knew what's it like to be modest and to have people actually care about you.

To him, closing that door meant seeing you later.

To her, closing that door meant he never wanted to see you in the first place.

* * *

With Mabel...

The love goddess had a toy sniper rifle that she played around with, while Wendy was somewhere else, doing whatever she usually did. Mabel looked through the badly-made, plastic scope and pulled the trigger whenever she got her victims. She didn't have bullets for ammunition, but she had love bombs instead!

Oh, the perks of being a love goddess. If it's a game you're playing, it better be called 'reality'.

"BANG!" Mabel shouted, pulling the trigger. She reloaded and made a sound for it, akin to a shotgun pump. "SCH-CH!" She felt a presence near her, and put the plastic toy gun away. Mabel saw two of her bestest friends, Candy and Grenda. "Why hello, girls. Auditioning?"

"Nope. Just checking." Candy replied.

"I wanna join in!" Grenda shouted.

"Great! Which spot would you like to fill in?" Mabel asked, "President, time-traveller or extra?"

"Hmmm..." Grenda rubbed her chin, looking through the three options.

"I don't think I'm suited for this thing. I have a project I'm working on." Candy admitted.

"I know! I'll pick..." Grenda waved her finger around.

"So, I'm sorry for not being able to participate, Mabel." Candy added.

"...the brawler!" Grenda finished, pointing her finger at the fourth option which was already taken.

"Grenda, that's already take—wait a minute." Mabel remembered who Adam was. He was the badass with a great skill set and looked like a spy. It was like someone she knew... "Okay, you get to be the brawler."

"YES! I win!" Grenda cheered, "Fighting here I come!"

Mabel hid under the counter and phoned Wendy. The phone picked up and Mabel whispered, "Hello? Wendy? This is Mabel. Just wanted to let you know you're a spy instead of a brawler because you're awesome. Bye!"

Wendy's response was, " _I'm a spy? Cool—_ "

Mabel closed her flip phone and went back to the counter. She smiled at her two best friends. "Okay, Grenda, you're now officially the brawler of G-fallers. I'll contact you when we need it." she turned to Candy. "We'll still be best friends, right?"

"The best." Candy answered.

They did their secret handshake, in which they shook hands and traced a circle with their thumbs on the back of their hand.

* * *

With Dipper...

"So, how's living with Pacifica like?"

Peter didn't answer.

"Uh-huh. I guessed so." Dipper replied, although the potted plant never said anything.

The two wandered around the forest, trying to find an orange tree.

"Peter, do you know how to find an orange tree?" Dipper asked, and this time, the plant slightly fell towards a direction. "That way?"

In Dipper's crazy mind, the plant nodded.

"Sure! Whatever you say." Dipper exclaimed, as he trekked deeper into the forest. "Honestly, I don't even think there's an orange tree around. I mean, what are the chances?"

The forest in front of them opened up to a plain circle, with sunlight brimming against one lone tree. It was a small one, like it hadn't grown, and it had a sign that said 'orange tree'.

"Well, what do you know..." Dipper crouched next to it, setting Peter down to the ground. "It's still growing."

The background faded in color, a sign that the boy was entering the dreamscape. Popping out of nowhere, a certain triangle was free from paperwork and was able to terrorize the universe if need be. "NEED ANY HELP, LLAMA?" Bill asked.

"If you can grow this tree... then, yes." Dipper responded calmly.

"YOU ALWAYS COME TO ME FOR ANY TROUBLES YOU HAVE." Bill whined, crossing his arms and rolling his eye. "SO, WHAT DO I GET IN RETURN?"

"You can get some oranges." Dipper answered, rather boredly.

"ORANGES PROMOTE A GREAT COLOR OF ENVIOUS GREED..." Bill remarked, like he hated the color. The dream-demon made a swing, "HECK YEAH, I WANT SOME ORANGES!"

"Then let's grow the orange tree!" Dipper exclaimed.

"IN HINDSIGHT, THIS IS A BAD IDEA, CONSIDERING THAT I COULD GET ORANGES EVERYWHERE." Bill said, "BUT, IT'D KILL TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE IF I GET ORANGES THAT _ARE_ FRESHLY MADE! AND NOT FROM SOME BUSINESS COMPANY THAT COULD'VE INJECTED A POISONOUS SERUM THAT RAISES THE RATE OF DEATH BY TWO PERCENT!"

Dipper raised a brow, "They do that?"

"NO, LLAMA." Bill confessed, repeatedly tapping his index fingers together in a nervous way. "THEY DON'T."

The three stood in silence.

"WELP, THE TREE ISN'T GONNA GROW BY ITSELF!" Bill shone down the baby orange tree with white light. The orange tree steadily grew inch by inch, till it rapidly aged into its prime. Several oranges fell to the ground as it grew. In a few seconds, the entire circle that surrounded the lone orange tree was filled to the brim with oranges.

Dipper was having trouble swimming in the pool of fruit, needing to hold Peter up so he wouldn't lose him.

Bill dusted his hands together and placed them on his angles, while admiring his work. The seventy foot tall orange tree was grown by supernatural energy, so it was okay for it to be mutated into a giant god compared to other trees.

"I CALL IT..." Bill paused for dramatic effect. "...THE TREE OF WISDOM!"

Dipper was lying down on top of a pool of oranges, and if you measured its depth, it was about as tall as a regular tree. "Aatsch aa ot o—" Dipper spit out the orange he didn't notice was in his mouth, and repeated his statement. "That's a lot of oranges."

Dipper contemplated at the tree.

"It's worth it!"

* * *

The Mystery Shack...

Grunkle Stan was reading a magazine, when suddenly, he felt a rumble through the floors of his tourist trap. Soos, who was trying to teach the bear how to juggle, came in the room, checking up on his boss. Stan stood from his counter and looked around the vibrating house. He realized what it was, and knew the time had come.

"Uh, Stan, is that... normal?" Soos asked. "Because it seemed like what happened yeste—"

Grunkle Stan narrowed his eyes, interrupting his employee of the month. "The earthquakes want a second round..." He pulled out two of his ten guns from his back pockets. And from the size of those guns, they didn't look like they were physically able to fit in his back pocket. "...I'll give 'em A SECOND ROUND!"

Before they knew it, the source of the sound intensified.

Grunkle Stan ran out the Mystery Shack's door, his guns ready to fire. "HERE I AM, NATURE! You cowering bundle of—"

What he saw made his jaw drop.

Dipper was wearing construction clothes, with the yellow helmet and orange vest, and was driving a ten ton carrier vehicle. The truck was loaded to the top with oranges stacked against each other, reaching higher than the attic of the Mystery Shack.

"Hey, Grunkle Stan!" Dipper smiled and waved from the driver seat of his giant truck, in which he had to look directly down and wave twelve feet up from the ground.

"Mah' boy! How the heck did you get that many oranges?!" Stan demanded, pocketing his guns.

"I found a giant tree in the woods." Dipper stated, using an elevator to get from his high seat down to the ground. The boy stood up next to his Grunkle. "Would this be enough?"

Grunkle Stan gaped at the truck, sliding a hand down his face. "Kid, you're weird."

"Do you want the oranges or not?" Dipper asked, looking down at his fingernails, to show that he was _so_ superior, he didn't even need to look at the person he was talking to.

"I'll... get the oranges. Thank you very much." Stan took his radio and turned around. "Soos! Do you read me? Take plan C!" Even though Soos was in the Mystery Shack and Stan was only a few steps away from it, he didn't bother talking to him face-to-face. "Not plan B! Plan B's a schmuck! Plan C is where we get loads of cash from these oranges!"

Grunkle Stan turned to gaze at the truck filled with oranges.

"Let the orange apocalypse commence."

* * *

With Mabel...

"Okay, the auditions haven't been great..." Mabel muttered to herself, looking at the people who were at her stand. There must've been around a hundred, since the block was loaded with people trying to get into at least a spot on the G-fallers group. Mabel stood up on her counter, shouting, "I need a president and a time-traveller! Anyone here a president or a time-traveller?"

The crowd roared, not even listening and just wanting to get in on the fun.

Beside her, Wendy was trying to make things seem brighter. "Maybe you don't need a president or a time traveller. Maybe all you need are your friends."

"But it wouldn't be the same." Mabel complained.

"Well, what's better, Mabel. A team that hates each other, or a team that loves each other?" Wendy asked, making sense of how teamwork works.

Mabel looked down, ashamed. "Wendy, there's this little fact I think you should know..."

"What?"

"I'm the love goddess of Gravity Falls." Mabel answered sternly.

Wendy saw her honest face, and knew she wasn't lying. "Oh. Oh, so that's why... Oh no."

"What?" Mabel asked.

"Were you the one who paired Tambry and Robbie together?" Wendy asked.

"Well, technically, but I wasn't the love goddess back then..." Mabel answered. "There was another love god in town, and I wanted Robbie to be happy..."

"Okay, little known secret that my whole circle of friends have been hiding? Robbie is not who you think he is." Wendy admitted.

"Yeah, his parents are funeral directors." Mabel shrugged.

Wendy realized how much she didn't know about her friend. "Ohhh. I see, I see..." the redhead kicked back and relaxed against her chair. "Well, you're on your own. You get to pick whoever you want in the G-fallers group."

"EVERYONE, STAND DOWN. THIS IS THE PRESIDENT." a lone man shouted, having an awesome moustache and a blue suit with slick white hair. In his blue suit, he wore a black shurt, with white tie, and had a pin of the United States flag on his right breast pocket.

Wendy nudged Mabel, "Hey, that's 'the guy with the awesome moustache that acts as a president' I told you about!"

"He looks like Gideon." Mabel said with disgust.

"I see you need a president. I am one from the United States, the secret hero of America; the secret president of the secret United States." the boy introduced. "And I am here at your aid in this team of G-fallers." He bowed out of respect, and everyone went crazy happy and let him have a walkway to the stand. "Thank you, citizens of America, your donations will be remembered!"

Suddenly, people threw money at him.

"Wow, that guy's an expert con artist." Wendy remarked, crossing her arms. "Much like Grunkle Stan, except he seems more of an expert at this."

The president walked over to the G-faller audition stand, and asked, "Am I in?"

"Okay. First question, though. What's your name?" Mabel asked.

"My name is Ludvilg Yarab; secret president of the secret United States." he said.

"Your name is so forgetful I listed you as 'the guy who has the awesome moustache who acts as a president'." Wendy mentioned.

"Why thank you." he replied, twirling his awesome moustache.

"That wasn't a compliment." Wendy retorted.

"My apologies."

Mabel solemnly contemplated at him, before shaking his hand. "You're in..."

"What? Mabel, you can't get him on the team!" Wendy protested, standing up from her chair.

"Yes, she can!" Ludvilg laughed evilly.

"Yes, but first," Mabel put her hand behind her back. "Tell me more about yourself... _Barry_."

"I'll tell more about my exploits—wait, what?!" Luvilg screamed, finding his real identity exposed. "How'd you know?!"

"Well, first, that's not a creative name. 'Luvilg Yarab' backwards is 'Baray Glivul', which sounds more like Barry Gleeful; the name my brother told me who intruded my house!" Mabel whispered, not bothering to tell anyone else but Wendy, who was close enough to hear, and Barry the reveal.

Barry had a horrified expression, "You're his sister..."

"That's right. Plus, I'm all-knowing." Mabel stated intimidatingly, crossing her arms. "As I've said, I'm the love goddess of Gravity Falls."

"Um... uh..." Barry stammered, as Wendy laughed.

"HE'S IN, FOLKS!" The redhead shouted to the crowd, much to Barry's chagrin. "He's the legitimate, secret president of the secret United States!" Wendy winked at Mabel. "Now all we need is a time traveller!"

Barry hid himself in the stand, removing the fake moustache he had.

"C'mon, all we need is a time traveller and the audition is over!" Mabel shouted. "Everyone here gets a free prize in the end, so don't worry!"

"You made gifts?" Wendy asked.

"Mabel-sweaters for everyone!" Mabel threw a cardboard box into the air, and it opened up and rained a pack of sweaters that everyone feistily grabbed. "Come on, time traveller! Where are you?"

"Maybe we don't need a time traveller." Wendy suggested again.

"Hush, Wendy, I have an idea." Mabel informed, "Maybe we don't need a time traveller!"

Wendy facepalmed.

"Everybody! We need someone else instead of time traveller! And I think I know what we need! We need a tech genius! _Who's_ a tech genius?" Mabel asked, standing on her counter.

Everyone grumbled around, and the cheer died down, since nobody there was a genius. There was one man, though. He was cunning and clever and had the ideas that would change the world. Too bad he didn't take the chance and instead turned into an insane rascal.

"It's 'a me! Old man McGucket!" the bearded fellow cried out, hopping onto the counter. "I'm the town's tech genius!" he exclaimed, waving at the crowd.

Everyone cheered at the sighting of Fiddleford McGucket, for some reason.

"You're in!" Mabel poked him.

"Yeee haw!" Fiddleford said swinging his arm to a side, before raising a brow at that exclamation. "Um, I'm still recovering from my insane antics."

"The group is made! G-fallers have closed their auditions!" Mabel ripped the banner down and threw it into the air as celebration. "Free cheers for G-fallers!"

"Free cheers for G-fallers!"

"Free cheers for G-fallers!"

"FREE CHEERS FOR G-FALLERS!"

* * *

With the government agents...

"Hm, this town seems to have their new heroes strive from the ground. What do we do?" Agent Trigger, the blond-haired and charismatic one out of the two, said. The two government agents were spying them from the water tower with the spray painted muffin. Actually, 'explosion'.

"Let them have their fun. We have a new weapon and a new soldier ready to find out the secret to this town." Agent Powers, the balding and unemotionless one out of the two, replied. "And he's gonna arrive... right about..." He checked his watch. "Now."

Adam lurked from the shadows, handing them a note.

"Well done, boy." Agent Powers remarked. "Weapon will be shown exclusive in the government agency. Meet at ten tomorrow."

"You're a good recruit. Stealing the president's key? _Awwwe_ -some." Agent Trigger commented.

"Well, let's just say, I'm good at betrayals in the dark." Adam said, holding the _real_ president's key behind his back. He just used the copier machine to get another one. "Plus, they've already forgotten me. So, who cares?"

* * *

 **A/N: The chapter has landed. I repeat, the chapter has landed. Okay, if you're wondering about the time placement... I've decided to make this story after _Northwest Mansion Mystery/Noir_ and replaced _Not What He Seems_.**

 **Don't worry about Ford, the portal will be a vital part of this story. Or not. I actually don't know.**

 **Fun Fact #9: Barry Gleeful, before he was made to be an OC, was actually gonna be Tambry. I found that 'Tambry Gleeful' sounded like 'I'm very gleeful'. It was changed to Barry Gleeful because changing Tambry into a different character would be weird.**

 **(Even though it's my style to change people's character entirely. Look at Bill! In the story, he's a good guy who wants to eff around with people. In the show, he's the an anarchist and a sadistic being, who's only goals is theorized to: destroy Gravity Falls. They're different characters now...)**

Bill zoomed through his office, pushing Jason off the computer, and began typing and saying out whatever he typed. "LEAVE REVIEWS AND REQUESTS. ISN'T IT OBVIOUS THAT THIS WRITER HAS NOTHING ELSE TO DO?"

"Except for the next two chapters..." Jason groaned.

"AND ALSO, WHERE'S MY CATCHPHRASE? YOU KNOW, 'REALITY IS AN ILLUSION. THE UNIVERSE IS A HOLOGRAM. BYE GOLD. BYE!'?"

"I'm not the writer, by the way—"

"THE WRITER IS FORGETTING A LOT OF SHIT." Bill said, angrily shoving his hands onto his angles. "WHAT? NO CENSORING? HANG ON..." Bill looked up. "AH, IT'S THE AUTHOR'S NOTES. WHAT WERE YOU TRYING TO DO? USE ME AS YOUR MARKETING STRATEGY? WELL, IT'S NOT WORKING, YOU FU—"

WKLV PHVVDJH GRHVQW PDNH DQB VHQVH


	10. Mabel and Trouble

**Deals**

 **Day 10: _Mabel and Trouble_**

* * *

What I forgot to put in last chapter...

Barry came back to his summer home, albeit a bit depressingly.

He opened the door revealing his cousin waiting for him, glaring at him. Barry sighed, throwing his disguise to the side and crossing his arms in front of the short relative. "What is it now?" Barry asked.

"Do you know what you've done? The mockery you've made?" Gideon spat out angrily.

"Okay, two things." Barry held up two fingers. "One, I've gained a high reputation. Two, I earned a hundred dollars from that gig. A _hundred_!" Barry slyly put up a third finger. "And three, because I just thought of it, I'm in a group where your 'little lovey-dovey Mabel' is and I have access to go in without any repercussion."

"They only want you to think that way, Barry." Gideon snarled, knowing the situation better than Barry because of his experience. "If _Dipper_ doesn't trust you, _they_ don't trust you. He's the thing that holds them together. He's the glue—No, he's their _leader_!"

"Well, there's some thing I have that you don't." Barry retorted, "Faith." The taller of the two dropped to the sofa. "You're so tense about whatever your plan is, but you never know what it's like to be relaxed. If you were, you would probably be their friends and they'd have full trust with you!"

Gideon slowly realized how good of a plan it was. "Barry, you keep doing what you're doing."

"As always." Barry turned and noticed his aunt. He felt sympathetic, knowing what she was a master at. It's sad to see her broken like this, and it only meant that in quite some time, everyone will be as broken as her. "Hey, uh, my dad told me about you."

"Don't talk to her. She's crazy." Gideon advised bitterly, walking away.

"She's crazy because she saw the future..." Barry mumbled under his breath, hating Gideon because he was always too dense. He wouldn't understand. Besides, he was two years older than the little guy, what does he know of the upcoming apocalypse? All he wants are books.

* * *

Mystery Shack, midnight, the REAL day ten...

Dipper was back to the drawing board, after completing his task of getting a hundred lifetimes amount of oranges, he was ready to go to bed. Except, he couldn't, and stood up for the rest of the night. He always thought of the Pine Tree, and still kept Peter by his side, talking to it as he figured out who the other symbols were.

"Weird fish thingy, Stan. Stitched heart, Robbie." Dipper informed, quietly enough that his sister didn't wake up. He pinned pictures and wrote with a red marker on their connections and such. "That makes it five people who are confirmed to be on the wheel. Me, Mabel, Pacifica, Stan and Robbie."

Dipper circled Soos and wrote the same thing he wrote last time. 'Tad Strange?'

"Okay, so the other five are Question Mark, Ice Bag, Six-Fingered—" Dipper circled it and wrote 'The author?'. "—Hand, this star with an eye thingy and glasses. Hmm..." Dipper looked at a photo of Gideon from the fliers he got and found the same symbol as the star with an eye thingy. He pinned it at the board and wrote as he said, "Gideon, maybe?"

Dipper sighed, rubbing his eyes and looking at Peter. He gazed at it as the reflection of Pacifica, and his only reflex was to take it and keep it near him, just in case a meteor strikes and only takes down the portion of the house he wasn't in. He was supposed to keep the Pine Tree safe from harm, and he said something about a normal relationship. Sure, Mabel also boosted this, but he'd ignored it for the past week till recently.

He rocked himself to and fro, unable to keep the images of a dead Pacifica out of his head. He tried to calm himself down, levelling his paranoia to at least bare minimum. He couldn't do it.

He tried to repress all the traumatizing thoughts, but he still couldn't stop thinking about Pine Tree.

Dipper groaned, tired from all the stress he keeps coming back to. Everytime he tries to keep his mind off of something, it just keeps coming back in a full circle. Peter wasn't helping. After all, it was the equivalent to Pacifica! They're both Pine Tree, both having the letter 'P' as a starting letter in their name, and both are just... people he liked and care about that weren't related to him or any of his family members.

"Peter, help me out here. Is Pacifica good? At all?" Dipper asked. He waved the thought off. "Oh, what am I thinking? This is all Mabel's fault." He never blamed his twin for the full price, this was actually the first time. "Pacifica ain't that good. Besides, the only times I've seen her this week was when she gave me _Lebam_ , helped me get Bill on speed dial, advised me on dressing for a _prank_ , got unconscious under an earthquake, and handed me you when I needed it. She's _neutral_."

Dipper felt his eyelids getting heavier.

"Like I said that one time Pacifica got me to go to her party, she's the worst..."

Dipper dozed off, courtesy of the dream-demon himself.

* * *

Where Bill was...

"YES, YES, I'LL SEND YOUR ENEMY NIGHTMARES BY THE TIME HE SLEEPS. IT'S JUST... HE JUST HASN'T SLEPT YET." Bill stated at the phone, in which it replied with mumbo jumbo that humans couldn't physically hear or understand. "LOOK, IF YOU'RE ABLE TO DRUG HIM TO SLEEP, IT WOULD HELP RATHER THAN SITTING ON YOUR BUTT AND DOING NOTHING ALL DAY. BYE."

Bill Cipher smashed the phone against its holder, turning it to shrapnel.

"I SHOULD REALLY GET SOMEONE TO WORK IN THE PHONE SERVICE DEPARTMENT." he remarked.

Mabel was just standing in front of his desk, having a blank look on her face.

Bill was surprised she was even there to begin with. "HOW'D _YOU_ GET IN HERE?"

"You led me here. In fact, it was just three minutes ago." Mabel answered.

"OH RIGHT..." Bill tapped his nonexistent chin. "WELL, YOU WANTED TO MAKE A DEAL, RIGHT?"

"Yep. This is going to be the first mission of the G-Fallers!" Mabel excitedly exclaimed. "And I can't wait. So, what I want to happen is chaos that only we can defeat. Maybe an apocalypse we should stop, I don't know. Just make it exciting."

"YOU'RE A LOVE GODDESS. I MIGHT HAVE TO CRANK IT UP A NOTCH." Bill said, narrowing his one eye with the challenge. "SO, MY PART OF THE DEAL IS THAT, YOU WANT TO POTENTIALLY DESTROY GRAVITY FALLS, AND THE ONLY THING SAVING IT IS YOUR RAGTAG GROUP OF PEOPLE IRONICALLY NAMED GRAVITY FALLERS, AND I GET TO HAVE MY JOB DONE IN YOUR NAME?"

"Yep." Mabel replied in a happy tone. "That's pretty much it, really."

"YOU'VE GOT A DEAL, SHOOTING STAR. I'M LIKING YOU MUCH BETTER THAN LLAMA ALREADY." Bill said, shaking his hand with her. "SPEAKING OF WHICH, I'M GONNA GIVE LLAMA A NIGHTMARE THAT SHOWS A MONTAGE OF HIS DREAMS TURNING TO ASHES. HEHE, I LIKE DOING THAT."

"Oh, add in the journal being stabbed by the author!" Mabel suggested. "He _hates_ when the journal gets a little bit ruffled."

"YOU'VE PLANNED IT PERFECTLY, SHOOTING STAR. I'M RIGHT ON IT." Bill wrote a note which scribbled 'journal being stabbed by incognito author'. The dream-demon tossed it in the air and it faded out of existence. "WELP, MY DAILY MISSION IS FINISHED FOR TODAY."

"That's your job? It's pretty easy." Mabel remarked.

"DON'T SAY THAT. YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE MY BOSS GIVE ME MORE JOBS." Bill thought of what he just said. "OH, WAIT, I _AM_ MY BOSS!"

"So, in our deal, what're we going to stop?" Mabel asked curiously.

"YOU'RE GOING TO STOP LARGE AMOUNTS OF PAPERWORK BY BURNING THEM TO THE GROUND. YOU ALSO HAVE TO PROTECT THE TREE OF WISDOM FROM THIS PAPERWORK MONSTER AND ITS ARMY." Bill summarized. "I GUESS, THAT'S IT."

"Wow, talk about easy." she remarked, putting her hands on her waist in a superhero-like fashion. Her face then twisted in confusion. "What's the Tree of Wisdom?"

"IT'S JUST THIS GIANT, MUTATED, SEVENTY FOOT TALL ORANGE TREE IN THE WOODS THAT LLAMA AND I GREW." Bill informed. "THAT'S WHERE HE GOT _ALL_ THE ORANGES YESTERDAY. OH, AND PROTECT THE ORANGES FROM BEING STOLEN. THEY'RE A GREAT SUBSTITUTE FOR GOLD."

"So, I just need to ask Dipper for directions and team G-Fallers will destroy paperwork monsters!" Mabel roared.

Bill was searching through his memory of the lifetime of the G-Fallers. One thing in peculiar was that Dipper is never with them. "WHY IS LLAMA IN YOUR TEAM ANYWAY, IF HE NEVER EVEN PARTICIPATES? HE'S EVEN CATEGORIZED AS THE LEADER."

"He's with us in mind and soul." Mabel insisted, looking down and placing a hand on her heart.

"DON'T YOU MEAN HEART, MIND AND SOUL?" Bill raised a brow.

"He's with us in heart, mind and soul." Mabel repeated.

"I KNEW..." Bill rolled his one eye. "NOW GET OUT. SUN IS RISING."

"You're easily agitated, ya know?"

"HOW AM I EASILY AGITA... YOU JUST USED WORDS YOU DIDN'T KNOW THE MEANING OF, DIDN'T YOU?"

Mabel left without answering, leaving with a cunning smirk on her face.

* * *

With Grunkle Stan and Soos...

"C'mon!" Grunkle Stan exclaimed.

"You can do it!" Soos cheered on. "We believe in you!"

"He's almost there!" Stan loudly stated, blowing his nose on a napkin. "My boy's growing up!"

"We never checked if it was a he or she, did we?" Soos asked, raising an interesting question. The two stared at each other for a moment, trying to think if it mattered or not.

"We'll call it 'him' for now." Stan informed.

The two grown men turned to the scenery and cheered for the bear to finish his final lap, driving with its feet and juggling eight oranges on the roof.

* * *

Morning...

"Okay, men, I've heard a mission that we all have to protect a giant orange tree that is named The Tree of Wisdom, from the paperwork king and its army! Also, we have to protect the oranges, because it's a great substitute for gold!" Mabel informed her team of five people, Dipper excluded. They all met up in the restricted room of the Mystery Shack, where the mind-switching carpet was held at. Someone had removed the carpet so that people could walk around without any danger.

"You... you aren't making this up, are you?" Barry asked, not fully familiar with the whole supernatural genre yet.

"Do I look like I'm making this up?" Mabel demanded.

"Yes." Barry answered.

Wendy snickered at the ordeal. Watching someone who wasn't used to Mabel's antics and seeing them question her was a nice treat to see. Sometimes, it gives unexpected results, in which Wendy was happy to see unfold. After all, she's been harboring stress most of the time, and things like this gets her to cool off.

"Mister president, I am not kidding when the fate of The Tree of Wisdom is at hand! We have to stop the paperwork monsters from destroying it or the supply of oranges in Gravity Falls will decrease _immensely_." Mabel said, as if this whole event was going to destroy Gravity Falls.

"Do you have... like, short-term memory? Because I'm not the president. I'm just a con artist. And you were the one who knew my true identity in the first place!" Barry stated, revealing to everyone his true purpose and making everyone realize how useless he was.

Mabel ignored Barry and asked the other members what they could do. "So, G-Fallers that don't have the word Barry in their names, what can _you_ do to prevent this paper catastrophe?"

"I can make a giant robot to burn all those paperwork monsters!" McGucket stated, holding up a torchlight. "The origami apocalypse will _not_ happen!"

"I'll punch those paper people to death!" Grenda informed, showing her thick arms and stubby hands. "My scorching hot fists will burn them!"

"I could chop them like scissors against paper with my axe." Wendy replied, pointing at the axe she carried with her.

"If you want, I can probably upgrade yer' fists and axe... with _electro-powered_ , _shock glove gauntlets_ and _plasma-generating, holographic-bladed, two-sided axes_!" Fiddleford cried and jumped around on his two feet, showing his vivid imagination. "Then both will be powered by rocket fuel, and shoots fire if need be!"

"Mabel-tastic!" the Pines twin exclaimed.

Barry sighed at all the mess he pulled himself into. "Where's your leader, Dipper? I want to speak to him."

"He has his own business." Mabel said, beaming. "The rich girl in Gravity Falls is visiting as we speak! So it's _very_ important business."

"How important is this rich girl anyway?" Barry asked. He only had a small amount of knowledge of the rich girl from his cousin, Gideon, where he only knew of her name and appearance. He would've tried to make that Pacifica girl throw money at him in return of being her boyfriend, but he wasn't that crude and that plan would definitely be in the dumps because: how could a girl like that _not_ have a boyfriend beforehand?

"Uh, let's just say... important in a romantic way?" Mabel guessed, placing a finger on her chin, akin to how Bill does. That dream-demon influenced her more than she thought. "It's kind of my fault since I did this to them. So, yeah... that's how important."

"Lucky guy..." Barry remarked. "Oh, I forgot to tell you this, but Gideon says hi."

Wendy raised a brow from that remark. Sure, she knew that Barry was obviously related to Gideon in terms of hair and wears, but the fact that the little psychic escaped from jail was never heard of around Gravity Falls. "Gideon escaped from prison?"

"I thought the news would've exploded by now! Isn't Gideon the person everyone talks about?" Barry asked. He had exploited his cousin's reputation, and it still didn't work.

"Well, people around here are..." Wendy trailed away, not needing to finish her sentence.

"I see." Barry nodded, narrowing his eyes at Mabel, Grenda and McGucket.

* * *

With Dipper...

Dipper woke up, finding lots of dried saliva around his open mouth. He sat up on his bed eyes widening to realize he just slept. "How long have I been out?" he asked Peter, before getting the answer himself and looking at the clock. "Oh... cra—"

He stopped himself, smelling some kind of aroma a rich kid would have on them. His senses directed to the opposite side of the room, where the smell of expensive perfume and money was coming from. There, he saw Pacifica drawing on a notepad on Mabel's bed, something he didn't notice before.

Without looking at him, Pacifica began, "Now that you're finally awake, I could finally tell you why I'm here."

He started over again, "Oh crap..."

"It's nothing big. I just—"

"Did you watch me sleep?" Dipper asked, creeped out by the daughter of the Northwests.

"I did. Don't worry, it was boring. So I began sketching what this place looks like." Pacifica confessed, not even guilty. "Here." She gave him her notepad, and he saw the fine details that she spotted.

"Wow. This is..." Dipper was lost for words at the small art sketch. This was just on par as the drawings the authot made on the journals. He couldn't finish his sentence, and instead asked, "How did you do this? I mean, I can't even... just, wow."

Pacifica shrugged. Her family had tons of money and are willing to spend it on anything if needed. Her family also wanted her to grow up successful and talented as shown when she mastered golf during her childhood. So, if Dipper was truly awake, he would've pieced it together and not sound as clueless as he was, and instead asked about it in a tone in which spoke 'I just want to see if I'm right'. However, that tone wasn't evident in his voice right now.

"I have the best tutors in the world." Pacifica answered.

Dipper smacked himself in the head, alerting the girl to be cautious when he asked stupid questions. "Should've known..."

"Hey! Nobody gets to slap themselves ridiculously in the face without my consent." Pacifica informed jokingly. "I have official permits to have the obligation to brag it."

Dipper glared and messed his hair. "Your jokes sound too true to be... true."

"What? Am I _suing_ it wrong?" she asked with a sly tone.

"That was bad and you should feel bad." Dipper replied.

"So should you feel bad for being too cute. Ohhh..." Pacifica stopped and rethought her last sentence. "Wait, what?"

"Mabel's doing it." Dipper stated, "Love goddess and all."

"Well, you could say she's a bit of a..." Pacifica took out a pair of sunglasses that were never there. "... _godly_ matchmaker."

Dipper stared bewilderedly, slowly opening his mouth to retort, but closed it from how poorly-made that joke was.

"C'mon, laugh at it." Pacifica insisted.

"There is no way I'm gonna laugh at that." Dipper stated.

"From this legal permit," Pacifica took out a piece of paper from her pocket, unfolding it to a size of a consent form. "I have the authorization to be called 'the master of puns' and have the power to make people laugh when they shouldn't."

"That's a real thing?" Dipper asked, taking the permit and reading through it. It was indeed a real thing. "What _can't_ money buy?"

"I've experimented on this, and it seems money can't give you access to area 51 or let you grow your own T-rex." Pacifica stated.

"You didn't say money can't bring people back to life." Dipper pointed out.

Under her sunglasses, Pacifica's eyes looked away suspiciously. "Uh... yeah, you can't bring people back to life!" She went with the act. "I mean, it's not like my second cousin was brought back to life with some experimental DNA recreation and cloning, right?"

Dipper shook it off, taking the bait. "I guess..." he said in a way that caused Pacifica to sigh in relief.

* * *

With the G-Fallers...

"Alright, team, are we ready to obliterate paperwork monsters?!" Mabel screamed.

"I don't have a weapon." Barry cut in. Someone tossed him a baseball bat, which he miraculously caught in his arms. "Oh, c'mon, Wendy has a pair of awesome axes, Grenda has a pair of epic gauntlets and McGucket gets a cool mech with flamethrowers!"

"Guilty as charged." Fiddleford stated, sitting in the throne of his flamethrower-powered, ten foot-tall mech suit.

"Why do I get a wooden bat?" Barry whined.

"You should've requested a weapon earlier, Gideon's cousin." Grenda replied, subconsciously showcasing the navy blue, metal gloves she had.

"She's right." Mabel said, crossing her arms and having her eyes closed. "Should've requested a weapon from McGucket earlier."

"Er, well, at least you don't have a weapon!" Barry retorted.

"Dude," Wendy chuckled. "She's an all-powerful love goddess."

"Really? How could that help in the battlefield? You're gonna make peace with the paperwork monsters?" Barry provoked.

"I could make rain fall out of the sky." Mabel informed. "Or strike lightning at whatever. Even make fire burn out of nowhere." She pointed at something that looked like a dart board, and it instantly burned up in flames, leaving nothing but ash. "See?"

Barry fell silent. "Well, uh..." He picked out a a barbecue stick from wherever. "...even this weapon looks better!"

"Well, why are you blabbering it to me? Go ahead and take it." Mabel replied.

Barry grumbled, tightening his hold on the metal stick. "What does Gideon see in her?" he muttered to himself. He then realized he hated Gideon more and decided to justify Mabel's actions. "Lemme' guess, he liked her because her brother had a journal. And wanted to use her as an advantage. What a prick."

"We're all good now, aren't we?" Mabel demanded.

"Yes, commander." Grenda assented.

"Your brother's really not gonna join in?" Barry asked, trying to make sure that Dipper was truly not gonna participate in this event.

"He is. In heart, mind and soul." Mabel said. "Now let's go! To the Tree of Widom!"

Without any questions, Wendy and Grenda hopped onto Old Man McGucket's mech, and it flew into the air with flamethrowers. (Was that even possible? I mean, taking into how flamethrowers work, I don't remember it being able to propel someone into a direction.)

"Wait a second..." Barry narrowed his eyes at Mabel. "...how do you know this is all gonna happen?"

Surprised by the question, since it was really the first time anyone's asked, Mabel answered, "I have my sources!" The love goddess was about to pick Barry up by the collar, but instead thought it would be better to fly on her own. You know, to decrease weight.

And sure, the whole team left Barry in the dust, and he was left to either run to catch up with them, or not even bother at all.

Well, he was a master con artist...

...but he also had one trait he truly despised. He was always faithful to friends. And he had to prove his loyalty to the group, or else they'd think of him as a copy of Gideon! Who would want that?

So, being the resourceful person he was, he borrowed the golf cart from the Mystery Shack and drove off.

* * *

With Dipper...

Pacifica watched as Dipper ate an apple, just because he wanted to piss off Bill Cipher after showing him what it's like to have your dreams burn to the ground. It was odd to see how Dipper ate his apples, compared to how Pacifica has them sliced.

"So... you just wash and eat them?" Pacifica inquired, raising a brow.

"Yeah, what's wrong?" Dipper asked, before giving out his facts about the red fruit. "Apples are crunchy, tasty and provides vitamins for the body. Plus, it makes the average person more awake than drinking coffee."

"Really?"

"Yeah," Dipper replied. "Also, what were you referring to?"

"Nothing. It's just that it looks... una- _peel_ -ing." Pacifica said.

Dipper narrowed his eyes at her. "You get your apples in slices with the skin peeled off, don't you?" he asked, remembering that this was a person in the highest of classes he was talking to.

Pacifica began visibly sweating. "No... I'm... hard- _core_?"

"Stop with the puns." Dipper groaned. "And tell me what you really want."

Pacifica looked around the dining table, making sure no one was around. After making sure, she pulled a photo from her pocket and showed it to him by sliding it across the table. "I want you to decode that message... ple-pla—"

"Please." Dipper finished sternly.

"Whatever that P-word is." Pacifica shrugged, not giving a care for the six-letter saying for a polite request.

Dipper glared in her way, not believing that she was the girl he cried and was tormented all night for. He sighed, taking the picture and reading it aloud. "XALMQFLK MXMBOP?"

"Yeah, kind of hard to decipher, huh?" the Northwest girl boasted, looking down at her nails like she didn't care. She cared _very_ much. "I'm just intrigued that my parents kept this secret, and also the fact that even Bill Cipher wants it."

"Bill Cipher wants it, huh? This is interesting." Dipper gasped, clutching his hands together tightly like a fanboy about to squee. "Maybe it'll finally reveal who the author of the journals is!"

"Two words: You're. Welcome." Pacifica replied.

"Technically, that's three." Dipper remarked, "Off to figuring out the code! First off, I'll get my decoding toy out." He pulled a ball out of his shorts pocket, since he wasn't wearing his iconic blue vest. The ball he got acted like a rubix cube, you could twist it by its poles.

Clearly, how you decipher those codes in Gravity Falls' credits.

"Now, maybe it's gonna be ceasar..." Dipper twisted the ball by three digits, and took a mobile pencil from his pocket and started to write it down on his arm.

"How much stuff can you stuff in your pockets?" Pacifica noticed.

"A lot..." Dipper answered, while writing down A, then D, then O, then P, then...

Oh gosh.

Ohh no.

 _That's... that's not what I think it is... is it?_ Dipper thought, finishing the fifth letter, revealing to be a T. _Oh no, I think this is what I think it is._

He finished off all the letters and stared in horror of what Pacifica's parents were trying to keep from her.

Noting the horrified expression on his face, Pacifica grew worried about this new revelation. She didn't know what he wrote, since it was on his arm and facing him, so she couldn't see. Did he find out who the author of the journals was? Did he find some terrible secret Bill had in these jumbled up letters? Were her parents hiding something so secret that Dipper had to take a moment of silence to soak in?

"Dipper, what is it?"

What is XALMQFLK MXMBOP you ask?

ADOPTION PAPERS.

* * *

With Mabel...

The love goddess was leading her team towards the giant, mutated orange tree, which rained down some pretty deadly forces. Such as oranges. Those things friggin' hurt if it splattered against your skull, tough skin and all. Mabel swooped down and found the golf cart Barry was driving, and sat next to him stealthily, getting a free ride.

"So..." Mabel started.

Barry gasped, his heart almost jumping out of his chest. "Jesus christ, Mabel! What the heck? I could've visited the personification of death!"

Mabel had her arms behind her head, acting as a pillow. "What?" she asked nonchalantly.

"You don't sneak up on people like that!" Barry shouted. "What you pulled off? It's not epic scary. It's dying-from-a-heart-attack scary. You do that one more time, I swear to God—"

"I am a god. A love goddess of Gravity Falls to be precise." Mabel replied, interrupting him mid-sentence. "So, you would be swearing to me... with what exactly?"

Frustrated, Barry groaned loudly.

The G-Fallers finally arrived at the Tree of Wisdom and its pile of oranges. The group awed and gaped, as this was the first time they've seen it. And it's giant park of oranges. The oranges were more amazing than the tree itself.

"Gaw diggity!" McGucket cried, subconsciously slapping his thigh. "These oranges could save the entire world!"

"Well, that's saying something." Wendy remarked. "Now, we're supposed to protect the tree and the oranges from paperwork monsters?"

"The worst of the worst." Mabel added, hopping out of the golf cart Barry drove. "These paperwork monsters came from the demon himself. That disgusting, foul, tri-dealing creature—"

"I HEARD THAT!" Bill's voice echoed the lands.

"—had created an army from his work. Turning the files of unwanted papers into monsters with the ability to think for itself. And its only thought process, from its _really_ small intelligence, is..." Mabel paused for effect. "...to steal oranges."

Barry eyed her suspiciously, rubbing his chin. He snapped his fingers and pointed at her. "You're making this up."

"That's far from the truth, ole Bartholomew." Grenda said, replying to him for Mabel's sake. "As far as I can see, these paperwork monsters are real! And so is this strange demon himself. Mabel couldn't have made this up."

"Riiight." Barry responded, always giving the unfaithful eye.

Mabel twirled her fingers, since she did lie to them a bit. She left out the part that she was the one who ordered the demon to do this.

"Barry, the superstitious. That means you probs don't have much of anything exciting happen in your life." Wendy said. "And I'm not talking about the normal stuff, like almost getting hit with a car or riding a rollercoaster. We're talkin' going to see real-life paper monsters that'll take a swing at your head. I mean, come on, your cousin is Gideon Gleeful!"

"And that makes me what?" Barry crossed his arms, rolling his eyes. "The only thing it did was make me related to him. Nothing good ever came out of his name."

"I remember working with Gideon," Fiddleford interrupted, walking to them with his mech. "I constructed a fifty-foot metal robot for him to control! It almost destroyed the city. The most rewarding payment I'll ever get, is not going to jail 'cause of it!"

"Yeah, Gideon's bad. I get it." Barry scoffed, waving his arm out. "That little lunatic."

Grenda remarked, "Looks like one of the things we're all similar in, is that we all hate Gideon."

"And that's what makes us a team!" Mabel shouted joyously.

The earth below their feet vibrated with a thousand footsteps, each getting more powerful. Like the thing hitting the ground was getting closer. Soon, there was an army in the horizon, charging at the tree like a really, really, really large pack of angry wolves. These monsters were white and flat, like paper. But this was Bill Cipher's paperwork, and they held many secrets.

"Oh yes! Here the small fry come, ladies!" Mabel informed.

"Really?" Barry asked, glancing at Mabel, then focusing back at the army dashing towards the Tree of Wisdom.

"I'll get first blood!" Grenda stated, jumping into the fray first and held her glowing blue gauntlets high in the air. She was in the air, getting as much time in it as possible, before she started falling to the ground. The paper army was nearing, and she was too. And once she was in proximity of the ground, she swung her fists over in a wide arc, smashing the ground like a hulk.

A cerulean, plasma shockwave took over the landscape, engulfing many of the papers and oranges, and disintegrating others. Grenda laughed and dashed at the large portion of hundreds upon thousands of paper beasts, and punched each one with waves of air hitting the ones behind them.

"Welp, time for McGucket to shine!" Fiddleford said, cackling to himself. With a press of a button and a tug of a joystick, the mech whirred to life and fired up its flamethrowers at maximum capacity. The orange fires sprouted from his weapons, burning the papers, and probably some trees and oranges. "Yee-haw, you flat delinquents! Run into my fire!"

Wendy silently tossed her axe, and it cut through a dozen papers till it boomeranged back at her. She caught it one-handedly, remarking, " _Cool_."

With a grin on her face, she sprinted off in a mad dash to cut as many demonic paperworkers as possible, trying to pull off as much stunts as she can. She flipped and leaped into groups, making wide hack and slashes. With the stamina of being a natural-born lumberjack, she went on without breaking a sweat. She did get dizzy from spinning, but at least these axes didn't weigh as much, or her arms might feel even worse.

"This is my kind of territory!" Mabel stated, leaving Barry behind to swat as many paperworkers and crumple them jnder his barbecue stick. The love goddess flew over to the skies and soaked up as much of the air as possible. She then raised her hand, palm at the sky, and plasma converged into a single point, crackling with finite energy.

She giggled at her own power, before lowering her arm down.

"EAT LIGHTNING, YA DORKS!"

* * *

With Dipper...

Pacifica was pacing around, fumbling her perfect blonde hair in frustration. Dipper wouldn't let her know what the code was, it was either he thinks it's too insignificant for her to know, or she didn't understand it, or... he knew something about her that she didn't know about. Something her parents have been hiding from her. What could it be?

"What's the code stand for?!" Pacifca demanded, almost reaching a loud tone. "Dipper, what's the code!?"

"I told you! You don't need to know." Dipper took a step back from Pacifica, protecting her from a secret while trying to rubbing out the pencil marks on his arm. "You'll be fine without it!"

 _Grr! Is this something about what Bill said? He told me I wasn't adopted. So, it couldn't be_ that _._ Pacifica thought, growling in her head. _Am I seriously turning into a wolf right now? Is that the secret? Or is it that I believed a lie? I mean, Bill_ is _a demon._

"Pacifica, calm down." Dipper advised, slowly nearing her when he knew his mark was cleared off. She was fuming a bit, controlling herself, but he wouldn't know if she was just another monster waiting patiently to devour him.

He cautiously placed a hand on her arm.

She yanked it away, gritting her teeth. "What's the code, Dipper!?" she shouted, taking a step back while looking fierce enough to make Dipper gulp. "What is it!?"

 _She's so... deadly. Ready to kill me in one strike if I didn't tell her the truth._ Dipper inwardly remarked. _If it weren't for the fact that she looked like she's gonna calmly murder me in my sleep, I would've told her the truth. I mean, how badly can it be?_

Dipper imagined a lot of things.

* * *

 _Pacifica hears she got adopted._

 _The ex-heiress of the Northwest runs for the nearest knife, and stabs the first person she sees: him. Blood engulfs his vision as he lays dead on the floor, and she goes on with her murder spree._

* * *

 _Pacifica takes the wooden chair and smashes it against his head, knocking him to the ground. The chair breaks into pieces and she keeps beating him up with it. Every blow as harsh as being thrown face-first into a tree. When she has nothing in her hands, she pulls him by the hair and repeatedly smashes him against the floor._

 _Ouch._

* * *

 _Dipper was in his sleep, calmly having the best rest in his life. When suddenly, Pacifica emerges from the shadows with a cloak over head. A tiny reflection of a dagger can be seen, and she raises it up and aims it at a killing shot. She says her prayers, and casts down a dagger straight into his heart, instantly killing him._

* * *

 _Pacifica laughs hysterically, like those psychotic maniacs in those mental hospitals, and starts rocking back and forth in the corner. Dipper tries to flee away from the haunting princess, when the doors and windows shut themselves close._

 _He tries to pull, with all his might, but it won't do. Looking back, it was pitch black, and all he could hear was her laughter. A sharp pain passes through his head, and he feels her soft touch on his face and by his shoulder. He feels his own head spin in an instant, snapping his neck and killing him._

* * *

 _Pacifica runs away and returns with Bill, who was looking around and asking:_

 _"WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING IN YOUR SUICIDAL DAYDREAM?"_

 _Pacifica points at Dipper, and Bill shrugs, snapping his fingers and vaporising him whole._

 _Bill remarks, "EASIER DONE THAN SAID."_

* * *

 _Pacifica glares at him._

 _She dashes at him and clings onto his torso. Dipper screams as this frog-like human is on him and he needs to get her off. He runs and bumps into the edge of the doors, but it didn't break Pacifica. She breaks them instead._

 _And swiftly, she chomps on his neck, sucking out all the blood in his system. Turning him into a deadly monster of the night._

* * *

Back to reality...

 _Okay, that last one was all Mabel's fault. She's been reading those sappy vampire books this whole week._ Dipper thought, standing still with no defense, even looking away from Pacifica, leaving her to do a surprise attack if she wanted. _Man, I should stop thinking about my death and more about calming Pacifica down. Wait, what's she doing while I was daydreaming?_

Dipper turned and saw Pacifica figuring out the words on her own. Using the ball and the pencil, she gazed terrified at what she just wrote.

"No..."

* * *

With Mabel...

With the work and effort of a group of five, hundreds of paperworks have gone down in ashes. Blood, sweat and tears were... not shed, as they easily dispatched the paper demons. Some breathed fire and shot ice, but it didn't really affect much since the team was so overpowered that Mabel literally lowered their strengths and stats, via god nerfing.

Some of the paperworkers had pitchforks and signs that wrote 'We're tired of your s***! Make this even for us!'. They rioted, but even with their efforts to try and get the love goddess to help them, she only had the decency to upgrade their stats by a percent. Which was a better of one out of a hundred.

It didn't make much of a difference.

The only one who was having problems was Barry, but we all know we don't care much about him, so yeah... Not going into too much detail, but he was gasping for air and sweating buckets, only swinging a barbecue fork around.

"You guys are the true demons in this place!" Barry shouted at his team, leaning against the golf cart. He gave himself a large intake of air before saying something. It was even hard to say anything, so shouting at this point should've won him a world record. "Not even helping your teammate? What kind of team are you?"

Wendy swooped in, "The kind that is indepdendent."

She leaped away, throwing her one of two axes at the paperworkers, and swinging the other one and cut down a tree. This tree fell onto a couple paperworkers. The axe she threw, _boomeranged_ , as she jumped onto the fallen log of wood, and the axe flew just beneath her flip at the time and cut the paperwork monster behind her. Wendy put one hand up and the axe that was still spinning around in the air _boomeranged_ back into her palm.

"Skillz," she remarked in a cool manner, before jumping away.

"Ugh..." Barry grunted, swinging his barbecue stick like a bat, which only smacked the nearest paperworker.

Mabel was in the air, doing her goddess stuff, when a white triangle phased into existence and made itself shown.

The triangle waved, "HEY, SHOOTING STAR. HOW'S IT GOING? KILLING MY PAPERWORK PEOPLE?" His cheery tone faded into hostility with every word. Mabel was confused at why he was angry at her. "DON'T YOU KNOW THEY HAVE LIVES?! FROM DOING THIS, YOU'RE LITERALLY MURDERING THOUSANDS OF INNOCENTS!"

"I-I'm sorry! Didn't you say you wanted to all your paperwork to burn to the ground?" Mabel questioned.

"DID I SAY THAT?" Bill asked, then rememberig it a second later. "I _DID_ SAY THAT."

"Well, we are burning it to the ground." Mabel pointed at her team, burning every paper in sight. They even set up a campfire and paid their respects to the fallen paperworkers, as if they were real people who were just caught in the wrong place and wrong time. "I don't see why you're mad."

"PEOPLE CHANGE, SHOOTING STAR." Bill stated, his eye showing anger with a little boredom in it. It might not be possible to show that kind of emotion, but it's Bill Cipher. "ESPECIALLY WHEN THEIR LIFE'S WORK IS BEING THROWN AWAY INTO THE FIRES."

"Didn't you take my flamethrower and use it to burn your paperwork?" Mabel raised a point.

Bill crossed his arms. "UH, YEAH, ON MY TERMS. YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG. USUALLY, YOU PLACE THEM ON FAT STACKS AND BURN THEM THAT WAY TO AVOID MASS DESTRUCTION."

"Isn't that what we're doing? Containing the damage?" the lovable Pines twin inquired.

"BUT THAT'S NOT HOW _I_ DO IT." the flying, golden triangle said. "I'M A BEING OF PURE CHAOS, SHOOTING STAR. YOU THINK I'LL LIKE _THAT_ ANYTIME SOON?"

He pointed down and low and behold, Wendy, Grenda and McGucket are all sitting in a stall, killing off each paperworker in straight lines. These monsters went into the queue and waited patiently to get burned right after one another. They were all standing in dignified positions, no sign of chaos at all. Just orderly death being brought to everyone.

The Grim Reaper was even there, leaving his scythe for Barry to nervously guard as the personification of death got a facial. Which was unnecessary, since... he was a skeleton. And he's dead. And he's the effing Grim Reaper.

"I am officially not scared of death anymore." Barry remarked tiredly.

Back to Bill and Mabel, the dream-demon looked at her to get a response. All he got from her was, "People change..."

"AUGH, I'M A _DEMON_ , SHOOTING STAR." Bill stated in frustration, when it was him who pulled this all off.

"You were the one to say it the first time. Don't point fingers at me. This was also your idea." Mabel replied.

"YES, THIS WAS MY IDEA. BUT YOUR DIRECTION HAS TURNED IT TO UTTER GARBAGE. HERE, LET ME TAKE A CRACK AT IT." Bill snapped his fingers and the gates of hell opened, summoning green, blue and red fires to shoot straight out of the earth. Demons with horns, red skin and wings were flying about, hovering over the Grim Reaper, who was caught red-handed of not doing his job.

"Bill Cipher! Enough of that!" Mabel scolded, snapping her fingers and bringing everything back to normal. The gates of hell closed, sucking up all its fires and demons back to the underworld to go back to their workspace. The Grim Reaper blinked in confusion, as he thought he was going to devil-jail for a moment. He shrugged and wiped a drop of sweat since he dodged a bullet there.

Apparently, the paperworkers shrivelled and burned up from the intensity of the fires, so the G-Fallers work there was done.

"THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT. QUICK AND EASY. BUT, SCORE ONE OUT OF TEN BECAUSE THE ENERGY NEEDED IS TOO DIFFICULT TO GATHER AND IT DIDN'T LAST AS LONG AS IT SHOULD HAVE. SHOULD'VE LASTED FOR ABOUT FORTY-TWO MINUTES, GIVE OR TAKE." Bill criticized.

"I don't need that phony adivce. My work here is done." With that, Mabel flipped upside-down and dived into the pile of oranges just like that.

Bill looked at his nonexistent watch. "WELP, I'M ABOUT TO GET ARRESTED FOR SHOWING UP IN REALITY IN _ABOUT_..."

He snapped his fingers and vanished. Just as the time squadron arrived in a flying boat with capsules sticking out of it. There was carboard taped onto it and crayon lettering of 'Time Patrollers' written on it.

"Dang it. We lost him, Lolph!" one of the pair said.

Lolph shrugged, "Hey, at least I get to visit Gam-Gam's time period. Really exciting." He looked down at the mutated, giant orange tree. "Look, it's the first sighting of the start of the apocalypse! Take a picture! These things are _really_ rare!"

* * *

With the plot B of the chapter...

Dipper was having the time of his life, fighting space-pirates on a spaceship that can hold an oxygen bubble aboard it, with his frenemy, Bill Cipher, with the ancient tools of his space gun/license. The thing about his space gun is that it was the steering wheel of his spaceship, his space license for being a legal shooter, space-pirate hunter and driver, and his only way of trading with other people in the holographic currency of _Zaks_.

Except, that was a few days ago.

Today, however, he was holding onto his space gun, debating whether or not he should shoot Pacifica to knock her out and run away and start a new life as Maxwell Pines, his third favorite name, and _not_ be the guy responsible for telling Pacifica Northwest that she was adopted.

Or maybe, he could shoot her with the memory-erasing gun, capable of taking Dipper out of her memory forever, giving him the advantage of meeting her for the first time _again_ , and not bring up the part that she was adopted. Or he could just set it to erase adoption from her memory. He liked the idea of meeting her for the first time again, for some unknown reason.

"Pacifica, whatever you're going to do to me, keep in mind I have many ways of incapacitating you." Dipper warned.

Pacific silently walked up to Dipper, who was ready to pull out his space gun from his pocket. The heriess of the Northwest family pulled him by the collar and kissed him on the lips. Dipper's pupils shrunk, unable to handle what was happening, and melted under the kiss. The two left it at that, and Dipper could feel her soft lips pressed against his.

 _Is this... what heaven feels like?_ Dipper thought—

* * *

In the real world...

Dipper was just standing around, as Pacifica slapped him in the face. "Dipper! What the heck are you thinking that would ignore me and what's happening right now!?"

"Wha— _What_? What's happening? What's going on?" Dipper asked in a dazed state, looking around in a frenzy. "H-Has Gideon revealed himself to be a vampire with _extremely_ powerful makeup yet?"

"What? No, Dipper, we're dealing with the fact that I'm _adopted_." Pacifica shouted.

"We? You mean, _you_. I'm not part of this. Never had, never will." the Pines twin hurriedly said, pushing Pacifica away with awkward and stiff motions. Dipper literally walked away like an action figure in a poorly made stop-motion animation.

"Dipper! You can't leave me here!" Pacifica cried.

"Why not?" Dipper asked solemnly. "I could do _anything_ I want. If I don't want to be accompanied by you, I'll bail."

"So, you're just going to leave me alone to think of how my life is a lie this entire time? And they were dropping hints recently!" Pacfica slapped herself in the face, concerning Dipper. "This is the reason why they let me go and be with you guys nowadays! I'm so stupid. How could I not see this happening?" she asked, settling down on the floor.

Remembering he was her guardian, Dipper neared Pacifica and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Hey, it's not your fault."

"I thought you wanted to bail! I'm willing to bet everything I own that Mabel would console me by asking me if I wanted to stay with you guys for the rest of the week and play games all night and create hot pink dresses! Then I'll finally be able to learn how to properly knit sweaters since I've failed that part in school loads of times!" Pacifica stated, sniffling and trying to suppress her cries. "You weren't supposed to know that..."

"I'm just bad at being a human, Pacifica." Dipper replied, sitting down next to her. "I'm an alien to how people are supposed to 'interact' with each other."

"Yeah, I'd like to have Mabel by my side rather than you..."

Feeling a pang of guilt and jealousy, Dipper leaned back against the wall.

He sighed, "You know, just because you're adopted, doesn't _mean_ you're a completely different person. You're still you, and even if your parents decide to tell this to everyone, your real friends would still know the Pacifica underneath all those expensive dresses and cosmetics."

"Are you saying that only you and Mabel know who I am?" Pacifica asked. "If that's so, that doesn't exactly bring my hopes up."

"And I say I'm a bad human being." Dipper remarked offhandedly, looking away as she glared at him.

"We're both bad human beings, Dippy." Pacifica retorted.

"I didn't think your pride would let you confess that anytime soon."

"Well, when you find out you're a fraud and just someone a married couple picked up from the adoption centre, the pride I had that centered my 'family's' name means nothing." she explained.

"Wow, I didn't even think of you like that." he informed. "I can't believe I just realized it. I might've made subconscious snarks at you like that, but all your character right now just... disappeared."

"Yeah, looks like pride is the only thing I had."

Dipper fell silent.

"I don't like this serious and heavy feeling in my chest." he stated.

"Yeah, me too." she replied.

"Can we _pretend_ we didn't find out you're adopted?" Dipper pulled out a dollar bill from his pocket. "I'll bribe you."

"I'll take it." Pacifica snatched it from his hand and stashed it in the floor boards.

Dipper looked away, feeling uncomfortable that he was sitting right next to her. He felt like he could her weight and this fuzzy feeling of static around her. It might be that someone he wasn't close to was invading his private space.

"I think I know a way to cheer you up."

"How so?"

"What do you think of space-pirate adventures?"

* * *

 **A/N: The idea of this Pacifica situation was already planned in chapter five. I mean, those files Bill took? Did anyone ever take the time to figure out what that meant? I'm pretty sure someone looked over it and tried to find another way than deciphering the code themselves and looking into the reviews or waiting for me to reveal what that was.**

 **Well, now you know.**

* * *

 **Fun Fact #10: Lolph, the time traveller that called Mabel his 'gam-gam', was originally gonna be the time traveller that Mabel needed in her group. In hindsight, it could've been touching and caused several great scenes... Oh well. Can't wait to see someone make a story about Mabel and Lolph's relationship as great grandmother and great grandson times seven.**


	11. Dipper and Space

**Deals**

 **Day 11: Dipper and Space**

* * *

"Alright, Bill... It's been a while."

Dipper was floating in empty space, where it was pitch black with no sign of light. He was the only one full of vigorous color, and it amused him to see how the laws of physics don't really apply much in the dreamscape. He slowly spun around, feeling no different than what he felt in the previous second, because to him, it's all the same.

A golden triangle shimmered into existence in Dipper's dreamscape, shining yellow light only about an inch around him. Bill made his entrance pretty suave, but... wait, is suave the right word?

"IT _HAS_." Bill told him, ignoring us in the process. "SO, LLAMA, WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

Dipper rubbed the back of his neck. "I want to go on a space adventure, but this time, with a friend." he replied.

"AREN'T I YOUR FRIEND?" Bill asked, a fake tear leaking out of his eye.

Dipper facepalmed, "I'm bringing Pacifica."

"OOH, PINE TREE, EH? WELL, IF YOU'RE GOING TO BRING PACIFICA, YOU GOTTA BRING PETER AS WELL." Bill laughed when he mentioned the potted plant's name. "HAHA. PEEETER. PEEETERRR."

"I get it." Dipper replied, annoyed by his pronunciation.

"OH, NO, YOU DON'T GET IT." Bill crossed his arms. "I WANT TO COME ON YOUR ADVENTURE AS WELL. I AM, AFTER ALL, THE ONLY PERSON THAT ACCOMPANIES YOU. AND, I HAVE VAST KNOWLEDGE OF THE UNIVERSE. I'M IMPORTANT."

Dipper rolled his eyes. "Okay. Fine. Is it a deal?" he asked, giving out his hand.

"IT'S A DEAL." Bill tipped his hat, and shook his hand, with the blue flames and all. "SPACE-PIRATE ADVENTURES _ARE_ THE WAY TO A WOMAN'S HEART."

"I'm not sure about that." the boy ironically wearing a Pine Tree hat responded, skeptical.

Bill Cipher glared with a boring eye, "YOU DIDN'T EVEN DENY IT."

"Oh! Uh, what do you mean by 'it's the way to a woman's heart'?! I'm not dating Pacifica at all, it's just that I needed to cheer her up. Being her guardian and stuff." Dipper quickly stated.

"I'LL... I'LL JUST PUT IN A GOOD WORD FOR YOU." Bill acted and turned his hand into a fake phone, putting it to his left side like he had an ear. "OH, HELLO PINE TREE, I'M JUST CALLING TO SAY LLAMANAC IS A GREAT GUY." Bill dropped the phone and winked at Dipper, even though nobody knows if he's winking. "SEE, I CAN BE YOUR WINGMAN."

"We're not doing this, Bill." Dipper replied sternly. "And you didn't jus—"

"OF COURSE. WHY WOULD I BE YOUR WINGMAN, IF I CAN JUST MAKE TODAY THE WORST DAY OF YOUR LIFE?" Bill threatened, turning red for a second. "OR, I CAN JUST IGNORE WHATEVER LOVEY-DOVEY THING IS GOING ON BETWEEN YOU AND PINE TREE, AND HAVE THE TIME OF MY LIFE, VACATIONING, VIA SPACE-PIRATE ADVENTURES." the triangle added, getting some pitt cola in a wine glass.

"You can just... ignore." Dipper shrugged. "Yea, I think it's best you ignore."

"HMPH," Bill grunted, before turning away. "ALWAYS REMEMBER, LLAMA: REALITY IS AN ILLUSION. THE UNIVERSE IS A HOLOGRAM. BYE GOLD. BYE!"

And the triangle vanished exuberantly, because he finally got to use that phrase again. Dipper shut his eyes and waited for himself to wake up in the real world.

* * *

In the reality of things...

Dipper woke up in a sleeping bag, having Pacifica sleep in his bed. She stayed the night because she didn't want to confront her parents about being adopted. It was a secret, and if they knew that she knew, they'd probably disown her for being disobedient. Dipper thought it'd be best if she slept in his bed, because he expected chaos if she sleeps in a sleeping bag.

He imagined that she'd whine all night and both the Pines Twins would never get any sleep.

Mabel said he could sleep in her bed. However, he wouldn't even dare to touch it. With all the glue and glitter there was in the attic, he knew there was probably gonna be a random sewing needle (that Mabel lost) in the bed and it would poke him in his sleep. And, he didn't want to sleep with his sister, although she said she'd sleep on the couch. He didn't buy it, because he _has_ lived with her, and she'll bargain that bed in the middle of the night.

So, sleeping bag it was.

This was all yesterday's news, so, uh, let's get back to the present.

Dipper opened his eyes, grumbling with little animated bubbles coming out of his head like he had some sort of hangover. He sat up, looking ridiculous since he trapped himself in the sleeping bag by zipping it up and only leaving his face visible. He wriggled around, grunting as he tried to remove himself from the yellow sleeping bag.

"Ugh, someone help me!" Dipper cried out, frustrated that the zipper didn't budge, _and_ fearing that he'll never feel the other parts of his body because he might be stuck to being a human worm.

Pacifica woke up from her sleep, disturbed by Dipper's cries for help. She looked over and found the boy rolling around the floor in a yellow sleeping bag. "You look adorable when you're helpless." she remarked lightly.

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Dipper retorted louder than her, already awake and full of energy with the one minute headstart he had.

"No." Pacifica rolled over in his bed and continued sleeping under the covers.

"Hey! You can't just—" Dipper paused, finding Pacifica to be as useless as a fingerless gloves. He spun around, trying to see if Mabel was up and running. When he didn't see her in her bed, he yelled down the attic door. "Mabel! MABEL, HELP!"

Dipper's twin arrived by the door hastily, but upon seeing Dipper, she took her time and leaned against the doorframe, chewing bubblegum. Dipper sighed, stopping his struggles when he realized that his sister wouldn't help him immediately. Mabel blew out a pink bubble, before getting a canister of anti-glue spray and showered his sleeping bag with it.

Mabel's twin raised a brow, not knowing how that worked. He put some effort into breaking out of his yellow prison, and it was easier than he expected. Dipper realized who was the perpetrator of this action, when he connected the anti-glue spray capable of making his mess go away. The only opposition to anti-glue spray, is glue.

"You glued the sleeping bag?" Dipper asked, getting out of the yellow nightmare.

Mabel nodded, "I thought it'd be funny." She stared at him with an unimpressed face. "Also, you still shriek like a girl, so when you were calling for me, I thought it was _Pacifica_ calling for me."

"Don't rub it in." Dipper replied, walking past his sister to prepare himself for the day and get some grub.

"We have pancakes in the kitchen!" she told him.

Pacifica rose up from the bed. "Pancakes?" the Northwest asked.

"Yeah, pancakes!" Mabel informed. "They smell like heaven, taste like heaven, and if you mix it with bacon and honey, it feels like heaven _after_ you've gone through hell."

"I know what pancakes are!" Pacifica retorted.

"Oh, well, I think you should get a _pan_ of it before Dipper takes the _cake_!" Mabel teased.

"Oh yeah?" Pacifica saw this as a challenge. "I think you should go pick a _flour_!"

Mabel raised a brow. After a minute of silence, she said, "That was even worse than mine."

"It's... It's early..." Pacifica remarked.

* * *

With DipsMcGee...

After a horrendous time enjoying pancakes, Dipper dragged Pacifica outside to meet up with Bill to go on a space-pirate adventure. Space, to Dipper, is just another place in the Universe you can go to, just like Gravity Falls and Piedmont. You could say he was being delusional, but in his mindset, this was true. Going to space is just going somewhere for awhile, and then your return.

With the care of Bill Cipher. Of course. Then, it would just be like a bus trip to Disney World and then going back home after a day. That's how it felt like.

"What are we doing today? I've had enough drama yesterday with the whole 'adopted' thing." Pacifica stated, leaning on one side.

Dipper turned to give her a bored expression, like he was having second thoughts if this was a good idea. "We're going on a space-pirate adventure."

"We're going to spaaace?" Pacifica replied. "Oh, I won _der_ how we are go _ing_ to do _that_?" she said, imitating a robotic voice which emphasized on each syllable. "With Bill Cipher perhaaaps," her shoulders shrugged, "he could dooo _aaanythiiing_."

"Shut up." Dipper responded, thinking that Pacifica was teasing him about relying on Bill for everything.

Pacifica raised a brow, before crossing her arms and leaning away from him. "What did I do to touch your nerve?"

Before Dipper could respond, there was an eerie silence that struck them both, the vanishing of chirping birds and the light-toned rustles of the wind. Lightning crackled in front of the two, and the wind began to intensify. The blue skies faded in color, and the clouds stopped moving. A white line drew itself to make three sides, equating to a triangle, which opened up to a portal that looked like the inside of space. And with this triangular portal, came Bill Cipher, the demon of the unexplained entrances.

"DIPSMCGEE!" Bill cried, cackling. "AHAHAH! THAT NAME!"

"Well, here he is. The man of the show." Pacifica stated. "Will he take us to spaaace?" she mocked.

"WELL, LLAMA WANTED TO HAVE THE LIMELIGHT." the demon said nonchalantly, dusting his bow tie. "SO, IF ANYONE'S THE MAN OF THE SHOW, IT'S HIM." Bill pointed at Dipper, before focusing back on his glass of pitt cola he'd been holding since the last time we saw him. Bill put on his sunglasses, which only had one lens, and somehow fit on him without having ears. It must be his isosceles sides going apart. "BESIDES, I'M ON VACATION."

Bill then whispered somehing the two couldn't here.

"YOU'RE RIGHT. IT _IS_ MY ISOSCELES SIDES THAT ARE KEEPING MY SHADES UP."

" _Vacation_?" Pacifica asked, bewildered that even a dream-demon could take time offs.

"IT'S A THING." Bill replied. He turned to the Pines twin. "YA GOT PETER READY?"

"Yea," Dipper raised the potted plant in his hands.

"IF IT'S ANY CONSOLATION, PINE TREE," Bill floated towards the Northwest. "REMEMBER THAT THIS WAS NOT MY IDEA. IT'S LLAMA'S."

Pacifica's eyes were set on Dipper, who explained with high shoulders. "I thought it'd cheer you up from this adoption thing."

"I'm doing fine." she stated, standing firm on the ground.

"You didn't look like it last night." Dipper retorted, rolling his eyes.

* * *

Day ten, probably just after the chapter ended...

Dipper was sitting down, wearing a blank face, watching TV with a frown. When suddenly, Pacifica was crying on his shoulder annoyingly, which caused him to further his point on going on a space-adventure.

"WWAAAHHH! I'M ADOPTED! WAHHH!" Pacifica cried, sobbing with every word.

Dipper took notice of her, and realized that her tears were already flooding the place up to his calves. He slumped over and looked at the ground, and there was just... water measuring in by a foot.

Mabel was on a lifeboat, rowing around the place to get to the kitchen. She was wearing her life jacket, just in case she falls off and gets into the abyss of tears, mischief and sorrow. "Dipper! You need to stop this!"

"THERE'S NO STOPPING THIS!" Pacifica cried even harder, and that's when he felt her tears soak up his clothes. He didn't notice this before, and just... scooted away in disgust. "I'M ADOPTED, WHINE, WHINE, WHINE."

"Pacifica, just stop." Dipper pleaded—

* * *

"Woah, woah, woah. _Hold_ up." Pacifica raised her hand, ceasing Dipper from continuing his flashback. "That never happened!" she stated.

" _Yes_... it _did_." Dipper replied, raising a brow like it was true. It wasn't.

Pacifica frowned, "No, I remember it happening like this,"

* * *

What _probably_ happened that day...

Dipper was watching TV alone, surrounded by tissues around Grunkle Stan's favorite recliner. Pacifica walked into the room, recognizing the TV show, and joined Dipper by sitting on the armrest. She then noticed him wimpering and fidgeting like a nervous wreck. She looked back at the TV and remembered that what he was watching was the worst couple fight on television.

Pacifica wrinkled her nose, "You know, Ducktective should just ditch that doofus right there."

Dipper blew his nose on a tissue. "What do _you_ know?!" he demanded angrily, tears still leaking through his eyes, "Maybe he still loves her!"

"Jeezus, and I thought I was obsessed." Pacifica remarked, chuckling a bit and rolling her eyes. "Why do you ship them anyway?"

"They've got great chemistry!" Dipper exclaimed.

"So do Ducktective and Wenduck..." Pacifica replied.

"What? They don't belong together! She turned him down when he confessed his feelings to her... after they were building it up for a _season_! Totally. Unfair." Dipper argued. "Which is why I ship PinkoDuck."

"Puh-lease, that doofus Pinkofica doesn't deserve Ducktective. She's been mean to him and his sister throughout season one, why would she reconcile with him in season two? It's bad writing." Pacifica responded.

"She... She reformed!" Dipper stated, throwing some tissues around the place. "Where's the tissue box?! I'm not done crying."

"Wow, outwardly stating what you're doing. How manly—"

* * *

"That never happened either!" Dipper shouted, bringing his finger down. He was gonna continue and make another exagerrated story about Pacifica, but instead, he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He let go of the useless debate whether or not it was gonna help if they told the correct backstory. "Let's just go to space."

Dipper pulled out his space gun, which was shaped like a steering wheel, and pressed a couple buttons on it.

"With what? A spaaaceship?" Pacifica sneered, before resuming a solemn tone. "I'm betting it's a spaceship. Is it a spaceship? It has to be a spaceship. Am I right? How else are wupposed to get off Earth?"

"WELL, LOOKS LIKE I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO'S EXCITED." Bill remarked, noting Pacifica's rapid-firing statements. "ANYWAY, WE RISE TODAY!" The dream-demon snapped his fingers and they all vanished from the scene.

* * *

In the Mystery 'S'hack...

Mabel was eating her tower of glitter-infested bacon pancakes, which were drowning in maple syrup, and drinking orange juice with added spoonfuls of sugar. Then, Grunkle Stan walked in and found only one of the twins being around the house. It was strange how much they were apart nowadays, it befuddled Stan. Was there a fight between them?

"Oi, where's your brother?" Stan asked, hiding his worry with masculine throat grunts. "I need him to do something. It's orange business."

"He's on his date with Pacifica." Mabel replied happily. "I'm so proud of him, even though he kept pestering me yesterday that it wasn't a date. Pfft, like I'd believe that."

"So, your brother's gone?" Stan asked, walking to the fridge and getting himself a bottle of orange juice. He drank the contents without a second thought. They had more oranges in the backyard, and they haven't even degraded yet.

"For the whole day. Or probably the rest of the week, if they hit second or third base." Mabel informed, hugging herself with glee.

Stan spit and spilled the contents of the bottle he was drinking. The Grunkle took some time to process the information. " _Second_ or _third_ base?!" he repeated, one eye twitching.

"I don't know what second or third base means, but if it can give _you_ that kind of reaction, I think it's impressive." Mabel replied, pointing at her Grunkle.

"He's too young to date. He's only twelve! The only thing that wimpy kid could do is stutter around females." Stan informed, his eyes showing dark anger of the possibility that his grand nephew was doing... _those_ things at this age. "There's no way he could reach first base!"

"Um, Grunkle Stan, what do those bases mean?" Mabel asked innocently. "It sounds like something _evil_ and _sinister_ only mature people know." she ended, taking a bite from her honey-coated bacon pancake.

"You'll learn when you're older." Stan stated, leaving the room.

The love goddess finished her pancakes and went to the gift shop of the Mystery Shack, where she found her girl, Wendy, standing at the cashier, not doing her job. Mabel took a seat in front of the counter, and Wendy lowered down her pastime.

"Sup, Mabel." Wendy greeted, tossing away the magazine titled 'how to be lazy...'. "Want something? Or, to be more precise, candy bars?" she asked, wiggling her arm out of the counter to reveal some goodie snacks.

"I'm just here to ask what second or third base means." Mabel replied.

"Uh... You'll learn when you're older!" Wendy copied Stan's answer, word for word, and hid her face in the magazine she just tossed. She snuck the candy bar nearer to Mabel. "Are you sure you don't want chocolate instead?"

"I just ate breakfast." Mabel answered.

Wendy peeked out of the magazine, noting Mabel's innocence, before hiding under it.

* * *

With Bill and Dipper and Pacifica...

After Bill teleported them to Pluto (is that even a planet?), they found the spaceship in its secret hiding place. It was a white pirate-like ship like in those cartoons, except it had a dome on top of it to keep the oxygen. Dipper started the ship with his steering wheel-looking space gun, and it began zooming around the galaxy with its rocket boosters.

About now, Dipper was steering the spaceship using his space gun, while Bill was enjoying his vacation and Pacifica was watching the view of space. Dipper put the ship on autopilot, and found Pacifica walking around the ship and messing around with the map. It was all happening so fast. Just yesterday, Dipper told her they'd be going to space. And now, it's happening. Without any training whatsoever. Just straight-up teleporting into a ship on Pluto and off we go.

She was amazed by the star constructs and how the universe now worked in her eyes. It wasn't like anything she'd ever seen before. It made her feel tiny, inconspicuous and, most of all, useless. She was so miniscule against everything else in the universe, that she felt... like she was someone else. She's not Pacifica Northwest. She's just... Pacifica.

Dipper felt the same thing, since this _is_ space. And nobody knew him in space. It was like creating a new identity for himself and the universe to know. But you can always revert back to being your normal self back at home, where you can show yourself to the world.

"Woah... this is cool. _Sooo_ cool. Like, 'one of the things money can't buy' cool." Pacifica stated. She touched the map, moving her hand from one point to the other.

"Don't touch that!" he demanded, and she flinched away.

"Okay..."

"Don't go near that trapdoor!" Dipper exclaimed, pointing at the ground next to her.

"Okay..."

"Don't go near that control panel!" Dipper yelled, pointing at a closed off room she was next to.

"Okay... Wait, h—"

"Don't touch the steering wheel!" Dipper pointed at the wheel on the higher ground, which she was not at.

Frustrated, she snapped and threw her arms into the air. "Look! Just give me a rulebook!"

"We don't have rulebooks around here. We don't really have any rules." Dipper informed calmly, which was odd because he was practically screaming at her about rules just a second ago.

"Then what's with you shouting at me to _not_ do stuff?" Pacifica questioned, looking him up and down.

"I was just giving you the layout of this ship and telling you what you can't touch. Like, laws you can't break, 'cause you'll jeopardize the ship." Dipper said, putting his hands up. "Maybe you'll destroy our oxygen dome. Maybe you'll open a hatch and let the void of spaaace suck us out of our ship. Maybe you'll accidentally knock on the false gravity and let us float around the ship. We don't want any of that." He shrugged, "So you know, law stuff."

"Yeah, we have a term for them." Pacifica responded, "They're called 'rules'."

Dipper was about to retort, when suddenly, Bill entered the convo.

"LLAMA, JUST STOP ACTING LIKE AN IDIOT TO FRUSTRATE PINE TREE. THERE'S THIS THING CALLED BEING ANNOYING AND NOT CUTE AT ALL." Bill cried from the other side of the ship. The golden triangle was laying down on one of those tanning beds, with an umbrella by his side. He had sunglasses and the glass of pitt cola he never purposefully drank. "PLUS, IT'S NOT GONNA GET YOU ANYWHERE WITH HER."

"Yeah! What Bill said." Pacifica replied, before getting distracted by spaaace. She then focused that she was angry at Dipper for being vague, but he just stared at her, without a reply. He kept doing this recently, so her fix was to slap him in the face. In which she did.

SMACK!

"Ow." Dipper muttered, rubbing his face. "What happened?"

"You zoned out." Pacifica replied, flailing her hand around.

"Yeah, I... I zoned out." Dipper said, blinking. "If that's what you call zoning out."

"BY THE LORDS, LLAMA." Bill shouted, knowing about his daydream. "YOU JUST COULDN'T HELP YOURSELF, COULD YOU?"

Pacifica was gonna question it, but she decided against what she was gonna say. "So... what do we do? Now that we're in _spaaace_." she stated, opening up her arms in a wide curve, pointing towards the infinite horizon of space. Showing the inky black and navy blue skies, with paintings of stars, whizzing past the dome on the ship. "Where are the pirates?"

"Well, that's what the map is for. And it's _really_ important that you don't touch it." Dipper answered, walking over to the board that was attached to the wall of the steering place.

"Why not?" Pacifica asked.

"It doesn't..." Dipper rubbed his hand. "...I mean, your _skin_ doesn't work well with it..."

Pacifica noticed her finger and there was nothing on it. But when she saw his hand, there was... huh, also nothing to it. She shrugged, "I don't see any scars."

"WHAT HE'S VAGUELY TRYING TO SAY IS THAT IT BECOMES RADIOACTIVE FROM THE TOUCH." Bill informed, not even looking at them. "AND IF YOU'VE LEARNED ANYTHING FROM SCIENCE, RADIOACTIVITY IS BAD."

"Oh." Pacifica stepped away from the board.

"THERE'S ALSO RADIATION IN SPACE, BUT THAT'S A DIFFERENT THING." Bill added.

Dipper grunted, taking her attention. "So, the map is where we calculate where pirates could be. Because they work in either professional ways or really dumb ways. Dumb ones have smaller ships, meaning smaller loot. Smart ones have bigger ships, meaning bigger loot."

"And you like this because you're a nerd and this seems like a game to you." Pacifica stated.

"Yeah! I froze a bomb that was gonna destroy half of Mars!"

"I MADE A HUNDRED FLEETS GO NORTH."

"We escaped the pull of a black hole!"

"WE INFILTRATED A SECRET FACILITY AND GOT A PRICELESS ORB."

"Wow, sounds... fun." Pacifica remarked uncertainly.

"It _is_!" Dipper replied, getting excited. He looked up and into space, recognizing the star patterns. "We can stop by a food court. I think we're near one." he pointed out. "What do you wanna eat?"

* * *

After lunch...

"Okay! We're back!" Dipper exclaimed.

"Yeah, we can finally do some space-pirate hunting." Pacifica huffed.

"I did the calculations while we ate." Dipper informed, "Even though, Bill could've done it."

"I'M HAVING A VACATION. WHAT CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND ABOUT VACATIONS?" Bill cried out in agony. "THE VACATION PEOPLE _DON'T_ FRICKIN' DO ANYTHING. THEY JUST RELAX."

"I thought you wanted an exciting day in _spaaace_." Dipper said, his hand waving towards the skies, which was just space and stars.

"YES. THIS IS MY IDEA OF AN EXCITING DAY." Bill retorted, "IN SPAAACE."

"Well..." Dipper sat down on a chair that they stole. "...he's not as fun as we all know him to be."

"He said he's on vacation. I'd even get mad if I were asked to do anything..." Pacifica confessed, "...on vacation... in spaaace..." she added.

"I think I could lead us to fight a nice, normal level-five pirate ship." Dipper went to the upper floor of the ship, where the steering wheel was.

"Level-five? That sounds... high." Pacifica said.

"We usually take out level-ten ships." Dipper replied, which made Pacifica think.

 _There were only two people back then, and they took out level-ten ships. Now that there's three people now, we could take out a level-five ship... no problemo..._ Pacifica nervously contemplated. "How do we do this? Do we make a plan or something?"

"Well, we strike them with a cannon, they stop, we take over the ship and hand it over to the galaxy's executives." Dipper informed, turning his steering wheel and pressing some buttons. Pacifica stared at the space gun slash steering wheel Dipper had.

"So, you explained this to me over lunch... but that thing is a knock-out gun, right?" she asked, pointing at the space gun, and received a hum and a nod. "And a license?" He nodded. "And a way for you to pay _zaks_?" He nodded. "That must be the most handy thing ever made in the universe."

"It _is_." the Pines twin answered. "In fact, it's probably the only thing you'll ever need in space." He glanced at Pacifica, then back at space. "It's your money, weapon, home, vehicle, license, identity card and a passport."

"We're _so_ outdated." Pacifica remarked.

"That's what I said the first time I was here." Dipper chuckled, then focused back on space. "Now, your first pirate takeover."

Pacifica audibly gulped.

"Remember, you have to take this seriously. You can't..." Dipper paused, trying to find the word for it. "...lazily? Is it lazily?"

"IT'S PRETTY MUCH HALFHEARTEDLY. SO, YEAH. THAT KIND OF STUFF." Bill informed.

"Yeah, you can't _halfheartedly_ take over a pirate ship, because it won't work." Dipper stated. "You have to be commited to this. And give it your all."

"So, what's the plan?" she asked.

"We do what Bill and I always did. We wreck them all." Dipper pressed a button on the space gun or steering wheel, and something on the deck rumbled. Pacifica watched as a cabinet rose from the ground, and was filled with weapons. Dipper picked one out and gave it to her. "Here's a weapon. For you."

The ex-heiress of the Northwests grabbed it and gazed at all the details into it. It was a metal stick thing with a hidden button. "What does this do?" Pacifica asked, and was answered shortly when she curiously pressed the button, and it extended into a staff with plasma cannons on the ends. "Woah... cool... awesome..." she sighed, "The things I would say when I'm out of character."

"What?" Dipper asked, not catching her last sentence.

"Nothing." Pacifica answered. "So, we just... wreck them all? We beat them up and send them to jail? Like superheroes?" She smiled in a way that looked mocking. "This _is_ a game."

"In spaaace." Dipper softly added, thinking she would say the same thing.

"What?" Pacifica asked.

"AH! Nothing. When did I say anything?" Dipper coughed. "Okay, so the pirate ship is just in front of us." he informed, pointing at a brown spaceship that had skull flags with eyepatches on it. "All we have to do is launch ourselves right at it, and beat them up. Our weapons are capable of just knocking them out, so I think we're all set."

"Then we give them to the spaaace government?"

"Give or sell." Dipper replied. "I'll just stun their ship so they won't move." He pressed a button, and their spaceship struck the pirate ship with a bolt of lightning. The pirate ship dimmed, its power source lowering. "Now we can enter, with jet packs and oxygen tanks!"

Pacifica's eyes widened in horror. "Wait! You never mentioned anything about jetpacks and oxygen tanks!"

* * *

Some screaming later...

Two projectiles were launched from Bill's spaceship and were entering the field of the pirate ship. Dipper had to stop Pacifica from flying all over the place. Their jetpacks weren't really jetpacks, but suits designed to propel people with rocket science. The only bag they had was for the oxygen tank, and it was connected to the helmets they had.

"This is _so_ FUN!" Pacifica exclaimed, but it can only be heard from Dipper's radio. The thrill of flying was endless that it made her giggle at how fast she was going, almost Mabel-like. "Why did I hesitate with the jetpacks?!"

"Because you were scared of falling." Dipper replied, grinning and watching as she flew around like a crazed lunatic would if she came across a flying suit.

"How can you fall in spaaace?!" she retorted, before making a beeline to the pirate ship. Both her and Dipper's boots landed on the pirate ship's exterior with a click, connecting to the ship with magnets. "Seriously though, that was amazing!"

"Hehe, yeah!" Dipper responded with the same level of excitement. "Now for the infiltrating."

Dipper, with his two days of experience in spaaace, lasered through the pirate ship's exterior with his space gun. The burned metal ripped open after he finished cutting a circle that both of them can enter. He and Pacifica walked inside the hole and, so that the vacuum of space wouldn't suck everything out, Dipper placed a temporary seal.

"We're in." Dipper informed.

"Well, duh." Pacifica replied, "Only idiots wouldn't know when they're in."

"I... well..." he sighed. "Come on. Let's take them out and sell this ship."

The two were in the maintenance room, and opened the door to the halls of the ship. Dipper showed her his space gun, which lit up a holograhpic map of the ship, where the life signals could be detected. Pacifica nodded, noting how all of them were conveniently placed in the top room. Using their jetpacks, they flew up the halls and ripped their way to the deck.

"AAAHHHHHHHH!" one of the pirate's shouted with their shrilly voice.

"Darn it, they've caught us!" another pirate yelled dumbly. "Now we have to go through fluffyland all over again!"

"Not FLUFFYLAND!" the captain exclaimed in horror. "That place is full o' softies! I can't go there! The unicorns dun' like being punched."

"Who turned off the lights?" someone asked, wearing one too many eyepatches on his body.

Pacifica went closer to Dipper, whispering, "These guys are dumb."

"It's a level-five. What do you expect?" he replied, raising his space gun. "Alright. Everyone, get in line and nobody gets hurt."

"But we like gettin' hurt." the captain retorted, brushing his beard. "Mi' pirates! ATTACK!"

All the outdated-looking pirates pulled out their holographic swords and guns, made with unknown metals and materials. Pacifica was _not_ expecting this. If these guys had that much firepower, what could level-ten bring?

Without warning, Dipper began firing lasers at the pirates, knocking some unconscious. The sum total of twenty pirates screamed 'yarghs' and 'arrr', as they tried to slash and shoot at Dipper and Pacifica. With her adrenaline running, she dodged most of the attacks and retaliated with her plasma cannon, sending waves of archaic knock-out effects.

The captain leaped at Dipper, who missed three shots at the pirate leader. The bearded captain hopped onto Dipper like a piggy-back-ride, and starting yelling 'awooos' and 'yeeehaw, ride em cowboy—I mean, pirates!'. The Pines twin twirled around and the captain let go of him from the momentum. Dipper kept firing and downed seven pirates. Pacifica stayed out of reach and kicked at some of them.

"What's a good one-liner? Uhh..." Pacifica thought. "You pirates are a bunch of sea monkeys!"

The rest of the pirates shrugged, "She _is_ right."

In minutes, the pirates were outmatched by the skill of Dipper and the power of Pacifica, who thought this was a great experience at feeling superiority against things in space. It was like back at home, except, instead of verbal remarks, she kicked their asses!

"This will be forever remembered as the best day of my life." Pacifica breathed. "That was fun."

"That's because it's like a real-life video game!" Dipper replied. "Now, we have a pirate ship to tow and bring to the spaaace executives."

"Why did we need to beat them up if towing them is what we're gonna end up doing?" Pacifica asked.

"Because we get to have more fun. Plus, the pirates have the tow, not us." Dipper informed, pressing a button on the deck and the pirate ship automatically sprung out a light cable that attached to their white ship. "See? Now we just have to get back to the ship and we can bring this to the executives."

"Cool."

"Is that the only adjective you know?"

"There will never be enough 'cool' for this." Pacifica explained. "Spaaace is too cool for another adjective."

The two used their jetpacks and flew out of the pirate ship, and onto their ship.

"Ya know what, Dipper?"

"Hmmm?"

"Thanks."

Dipper stared at her incredulously, never expecting she'd say that. He replied, "I should be thanking you for helping me get some scrap metal to sell."

"You _really_ ruined the moment."

Dipper blinked, "How?"

"You're so cluelesss." she remarked.

* * *

Somewhere...

Adam was silently hiding in the shadows with a newly-bought leather jacket and a black motorcycle helmet. He was investigating a report from the government that there was a creature that could take the form of any living thing. At first, he thought it wasn't possible, but hey, this was Gravity Falls. Anything is possible.

The agent wielded his stolen copy of the president's key, and used it to open an old door in the alleyway. It was dated from the time Quentin Trembley ruled, so it worked. Adam broke into the place, trying to find any sign of a living being. When he found nothing but a cabinet and a broken-down bed, he was gonna leave, till...

TING!

Adam was close to exiting the door, when he turned around and fired faster than anyone can think. The light coming from his pistol lit the place, and for a split second, he could see Wendy glaring at him.

 _Wendy? That damned cashier girl?_ Adam thought, walking backwards, still holding his pistol at front. _No, that can't be it. She isn't..._

He pulled the trigger again. This time, he saw Mabel glaring.

Adam's eyes widened. "Gotcha..." he muttered under his breath.

The clone jumped forth, tackling the shapeshifter and slamming him against the wall opposite to the door. With the wall being aged since almost a century ago, it broke into a ferocious hole that looked like a bull rammed through it. Adam raised his fist to punch again, but the fake-Mabel kicked him in the chest. The clone missed his swing, while being pushed back.

"Son of a..." Adam was not scared to use swear words. But he stopped midway because he could see the shapeshifter from the moonlight. The Mabel-looking figure was replaced with a mannequin. Like he was deluding himself all along. "What the hell?"

The clone walked some more into the room, which he got to by breaking down walls. Adam looked around, pistol in hand. In hindsight, he should've used it first—

SWIPE! The wind swished and something struck his hand. In the dark, he couldn't see a thing. And only saw a flash of himself.

Gritting his teeth, Adam swung his fist into its jaw, much like an uppercut. Bow the shapeshifter was under the light of the window, and he could see how much of it was reminiscent of Dipper. The pine tree hat, the blue vest, orange shirt and cargo pants were a dead giveaway. Some added details of his brown bushy hair and dark eyes could also be added, but that stuff didn't mind Adam.

Fake-Dipper got back up, rubbing his jaw and smiling, like this was what it wanted. Well then, in Adam's terms, it probably wanted to go to hell.

With a shout, Adam rushed at him, slamming him into another wall and pinning him there. The wall was gladly not fake, so it was sturdy enough to hold Dipper's and Adam's weight. The clone jabbed him in the face, using the most of his blows to bruise him as much as he can. All the rage and pent-up aggression was leading to this. Adam struck Dipper again, and he rolled with the blow, escaping his hold and falling to the ground.

But Adam picked him back up to the same spot and kept hammering hits against his face. It led to the point where he found out he wasn't bleeding, and he was laughing at him. There weren't any marks. The shapeshifter was using some tougher tissue to defend against his attacks, like rubber.

"Well, well, well..." Adam turned to try to find the echoing and chilly voice. "What do we have here? Are you Adam? Adam the clone?"

Adam tried to find the source of this, letting go of the shapeshifter. He found the source, and it filled insane laughter of a hundred mimicries to the shapeshifter. Adam felt his helmet melt under the intense pressure of this source.

His mystery visitor was glowing with power no man should ever receive.

"Wondering what I am? Why don't you come—"

The visitor's hand smoked purple tendrils.

"— _take a_ —"

It grabbed Adam, pulling him up to look at eye-level.

"— _cloSeR_ —"

It smiled with sharp canine teeth, his voice discombobulating with the realms of reality.

"— _LOOK_?"

* * *

 **A/N: Skadooosh! The main villain of this story has shown itse—wait a second, he already showed up some time ago. Eh, this has more energy into it.**

 **Anyway, this is the first official... read? (I don't know) of the main villain! Who is he? Is he an OC? No... he's... probably? Uh... don't know.**

* * *

 **Fun Fact #11: Dipper has _never_ shown his birthmark to any aliens.**

 **...yet.**

 _(cue dramatic music)_


	12. Alternate Day 3: Dipper and Sales

**A/N: Haven't updated in forever, and I thought I would guess that I could cheat by posting one of the first drafts of chapter three.**

* * *

 **Deals**

 **Alternate Day 3: _Dipper and Sales_**

* * *

Dipper was tasked to buy groceries today.

He didn't want to do them, so he called Bill Cipher to do it. Turns out, he wasn't in the mood for deals with him, or so he says, so he had a flying triangle zipping around him in the stores. Dipper had an extra four dollars to buy erasers, but he decided it was a waste to do that and held onto the money in case he wanted something that was four dollars.

He scammed his twin sister and best friend. So what? It was business well done in the dreamscape.

"SO, LLAMA, YOU'RE NOT GONNA ASK HOW I'M ABLE TO BE IN THE REAL WORLD WITH YOU THIS TIME?"

"No." Dipper replied, walking in the supermarket, looking around the shop. He walked through some peanut butter and grabbed one jar. Bill recoiled and Dipper noticed, so he stared at him warily, putting back the jar of peanut butter. The flying triangle wiped fake sweat from his brow. "I don't really care much about you..." he lied, now knowing there was something going on between Bill and peanut butter.

Bill turned silent for a second. The flying triangle asked, "SO... WHAT'S ON YOUR SHOPPING LIST?"

"Things... Mostly food." Dipper answered. "And drinks."

"YOU'RE NOT BITTER ABOUT YESTERDAY ARE YOU? IF YOU ARE, I'LL PUNCH YOU. BECAUSE _I_ WAS THE ONE WHO GOT THE BAD END OF THE STICK. I GOT LEMONADE IN MY ONLY EYE AND DRANK PURE LEMON JUICE. AT LEAST YOU GOT FOUR DOLLARS, BECAME THE FIRST BUSINESS-BOY IN DREAMSCAPE HISTORY AND LEARNED YOUR WRONGS."

"What wrongs did I learn?" the boy asked.

"YOU LEARNED THAT LEMONADE ISN'T ACTUALLY LEMONS SQUEEZED INTO A JUG. IT NEEDS OTHER PORTIONS LIKE SUGAR AND WATER. SIMILAR TO HOW BUSINESS WORKS. YOU HAVE LEMONS, THE INDUSTRY. THEN THERE'S SUGAR AND WATER, YOUR CUSTOMERS AND QUALITY." Bill explained. "WAIT, THAT WASN'T RIGHT."

"Wow, that... actually helped." Dipper said.

"DON'T MENTION IT, LLAMA. JUST _NOT_ DOING MY JOB." Bill laughed. "I LIKE NOT DOING MY JOB."

"You don't like being a demon all the time?"

"OH, I'D _LOVE_ TO HAVE THAT JOB." Bill remarked. "OH WAIT, THAT IS MY LIFE. HAHAHA! I LOVE MY LIFE!"

"You're really... stupid."

"WHAT? DECIDED TO NOT CALL ME CRAZY?"

"You're too insane that it would be a complement. I want to insult you." Dipper's eyes widened a bit, realizing something. "But to do that, I have to say something that you'd hate. You love hate, and hate love—"

"ACTUALLY, I DON'T HATE LOVE."

"Then you hate flattery." Dipper declared, before trying to praise him. "You look handsome today, Cipher."

"WELL THAT'S JUST GAY."

"That's not—I'm not—that wasn't _gay_." the boy informed.

"IT SURE SOUNDS LIKE IT."

"No."

Bill didn't bother to continue. "ALRIGHTY THEN! WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE? AREN'T WE SUPPOSED TO CHECK OFF SOMETHING ON THE LIST AS WE GO BY? LIKE HOW NORMAL PEOPLE DO?"

"Yeah, but first, I'm gonna check out for things _I_ wanna buy." Dipper informed, taking off his hat and revealing his wild hair. He looked at the lone pine tree in the white and blue hat. "I really feel like Pine Tree."

"THEN DON'T. BE MORE LIKE LLAMA."

"It's not that simple. What does Llama even do _or_ stand for?" Dipper asked.

"WELL, PROPHECY SAYS THAT THE PERSON WITH THE WORST NAME GETS TO BE LLAMA. SO, IN THEORY, IT MEANS LLAMA STANDS FOR THE PERSON WITH MOST BAD LUCK. HOWEVER, YOU HAVEN'T GOTTEN BAD LUCK SINCE YOU MET ME, SO IT'S SAFE TO SAY YOUR POWERS ACTIVATE AND GROW STRONGER WHEN I'M AROUND."

"Are you making this up?" Dipper asked, picking out a ketchup bottle and inspecting it.

"YES."

Dipper gave Bill a glare, before showing him the ketchup bottle. "This thing's expired for three years, and it's still in stock."

"AND YOU'RE COMPLAINING TO ME, WHY?" Bill asked, putting his hands on his angles.

"Well, if you look closely, you branded it."

"HOW WOULD YOU KNOW THAT?"

"There's a triangle."

"WAIT, REALLY?!" Bill snatched the ketchup bottle in his hands and found that there was indeed a golden triangle imprinted on a very small scale in the left corner. "WHAT THE _CRATHEOS_? THAT'S REALLY _ME_ OVER THERE."

Dipper's cheek rose in confusion. "What's a _cratheos_ —"

"NEVER MIND THAT, LLAMA. WHOEVER DID THIS IS A _GENIUS_. I WOULD'VE NEVER THOUGHT OF PUTTING EXPIRED KETCHUP BOTTLES IN THE FIRST PLACE. THIS GIVES A BOOST TO MY DEMON REPUTATION." Bill stated. "LLAMA, HELP ME PUT THIS BACK ON THE SHELF, I'M GOING TO CHECK IF THERE ARE ANYMORE EXPIRED ITEMS THAT HAVE _ME_ ON IT."

The golden triangle flew over shelves and zipped around the store, leaving Dipper to venture off into the shop by himself. He walked to the end of the isle and found a hat stand. Or whatever those things are called. You know, those things that hold hats up for sale and has a mirror for you to see how you look? Screw it, it's called a hat stand. Dipper walked by the hat stand and looked for anything he wanted, since hats are his thing.

As a kid, he liked wearing hats to hide his birthmark from people. Now, he wore them out of the norm, since he already grew his hair long enough to hide it. He took off his pine tree hat and saw himself in the mirror. Back then, he always told himself that the pine tree was all he ever was. Actually, since he didn't know it was important at all, he instead told himself was that he was a smart boy that will finally show the world who's boss. He was not that kid anymore.

Now he was Llama.

And, uh, nothing else. Just Llama. What the heck's a Llama in those ten symbols anyway?

Dipper sighed out of his nose, and saw, from the corner of his eye, a replica of his hat.

"Is that where Grunkle Stan took the design from? I wonder what it actually looks like..." Dipper thought out loud, taking the blue and white hat that looked _identical_ to his, and looked if it had the same pine tree on it. To his horror, there was a blue Llama instead.

His usual confidence had been blown out of the water. Really? The original design of this hat was a... was a Llama!? What does the universe want from him?

Dipper's fingers trembled in sight of the Llama hat. He was going to buy this hat and burn it for the sake of hating it.

Bill flew in, taking his attention from the hat. "HEY, LLAMA, I FOUND OUT THIS STORE HAS _TONS_ OF DEMONIC ADVERTISING. I MEAN, LOOK AT THIS!" He pulled out a bar of chocolate. On it, three same numbers were printed on it. "SIX-SIX-SIX! I HEARD THIS WAS THE DEVIL'S NUMBER. I GOTTA GIVE HIM A RING."

Billa glanced at what Dipper had in his hands.

"NICE HAT." the triangle remarked. "I'M GONNA CALL SATAN. DON'T YOU GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT ME!"

Dipper let out a small smile at how ridiculous it all sounded. Bill flew up and phased through the ceiling, like he was a ghost. The boy took one last look at the Llama hat, and decided, what the heck, it's his symbol. He should be proud of it. He put on the hat and pocketed the Pine Tree hat in his vest.

"Cratheos..." he mumbled. "What does that even mean?"

Dipper took out the list, and he had pancake mix, milk and eggs written on it. He went around the shop, getting all of it in a basket and stuffing them somewhere nobody could find. He did that as a strategy when he was going to buy groceries alone, so he could get other things when he already had a basket full of things. Dipper was about to head to the last thing on his list, which was on the opposite side of the paper. As he flipped it over, Bill descended from the ceilings with a disappointed look.

"SATAN WAS PRETTY WEIRD TODAY. HE WAS GROUCHY. OLD MAN-ISH. WAS ONE OF MY SYMBOLS. AND HE WAS ALSO A FRAUD." Bill informed, levitating down to his level. "WHY AREN'T THERE ANY REAL DEMONS?"

Dipper had it all connected. "Did you just call my Grunkle Stan?"

Bill narrowed his eye at him. "WHERE ARE YOU GOING WITH THIS?"

"Uh..." the boy trailed off. "...Okay, the list here says we need more pitt cola." Dipper said, reading out his note that literally had several lines repeating the same two words and that was 'pitt cola'. He shuddered about two days ago when Bill had turned the can of soda into a can of pink clothing. He still wondered about the bottomless pit, and how he went there once...

Crap.

That wooden trunk is gonna be discovered by someone soon enough.

"OH, I REMEMBER OUR LITTLE FIASCO. THAT WAS A GREAT DEAL." Bill reminisced. "AND WE'RE BUYING MORE OF THAT LIQUID? WE'RE AS CLOSE TO THE FIGURATIVE HEAVENS AS WE CAN GET!"

"Close? We're there!" Dipper informed, walking a corner and finding the chilled drinks department. And the most popular chilled drink of all: pitt cola. The two gazed at the scenery. There were bottles stacked onto each other in a pyramid fashion, which Bill took a glance at and thought was illegal because he had it trademarked. "Look at it, pitt cola everywhere!"

They're excitement didn't last when Bill stumbled upon a price tag. "NINE NINETY-NINE FOR A _CAN_? WHAT IS THIS? DAYLIGHT ROBBERY?" He slapped the tag, and impossibly, it spun around two-dimensionally, like animation on paper. "I AIN'T HAVING THAT."

"Nine ninety-nine for a can? This place is a bust." Dipper remarked, waving at the triangle to come with him. "C'mon, Bill."

"WAIT, WE COULD DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT." Bill informed.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"AREN'T YOU FORGETTING A SMALL DETAIL IN MY LIFE? I'M A DREAM-DEMON. I CAUSE NIGHTMARES TO CHUCK NORRIS, OR WHATEVER THAT GUY'S NAME WAS. I COULD CERTAINLY DO SOMETHING." Bill stated.

"Well, what _can_ you do? You're a being that lives in another plane of existence." Dipper informed. "You may be able to alter reality, but nothing as drastic as changing prices in a supermarket. Because that's pretty extreme. Well, in an irresponsible term."

Bill though about it.

"I'M THIRSTY."

Dipper knew what he really meant by that. "You wanna make a deal."

"THAT'S RIGHT, LLAMA. YOU'RE ON THE RIGHT TRACK." Bill exclaimed. "CHOO-CHOO!"

"So, you only break reality by making deals."

"I COULD DO OTHER STUFF THAT BREAKS REALITY, LLAMA. IT'S JUST THAT YOU'RE MORE FAMILIAR WITH IT."

"And since we're on the same side, nothing could go wrong with this deal. We'll just lower the prices by upping the discount sales."

"YEP, NOTHING WRONG AT ALL. WHAT DO YOU SAY? DEAL?" Bill held out his hand, and blue fire erupted from it. Dipper took it, and shook.

"Deal."

Fire spread through them, and it was sealed.

"OH, BY THE WAY, I LIKE PITT COLA, BUT I JUST WANTED TO SEE YOU GO TO FIGURATIVE HELL BUT ON EARTH." Bill confessed.

"What does that mean?" Dipper asked, suspicious and scared all of the sudden.

"YOU PROBABLY WON'T SEE ME AS A FRIEND ANYTIME SOON. MORE SO AS AN ACQUAINTANCE. MAYBE ENEMY. WHO KNOWS HOW YOU THINK?" Bill admitted. "ALSO, THAT WAS RHETORICAL. DON'T YOU DARE MAKE A RETORT ON HOW I KNOW EVERYTHING, BECAUSE I _DO_. THAT'S THE ONLY PART I DON'T EXAGGERATE."

Dipper glared a the flying triangle, before noticing that the prices had lowered because of the ninety-nine percent decrease. That meant a can of pitt cola costed as cheap as a cent. "It worked." His tone became serious. "We need to get all this pitt cola."

"OH, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT."

"Why?"

"BECAUSE OUR DEAL WAS THAT I'D LOWER PRICES FOR A DRINK." Bill answered. "YOU DON'T HAVE AN _IDEA_ ON HOW THIS'LL AFFECT THE STATE OF THE UNIVERSE.'

"Lower prices... any price? That doesn't seem so bad." Dipper replied.

"OH, NOTHING BAD WILL HAPPEN TO YOU." Bill reassured. "THE UNIVERSE HAS TO BALANCE THESE THINGS, SO TO MAKE AN EQUILIBRIUM, YOUR... WHAT'S THE WORD? PEJICLE? MORALS? ... MORALS HAVE DECREASED."

"What's that supposed to mean? How can you decrease someone's morals?"

"OH, I CAN'T SPOIL THAT FOR YOU."

Dipper took a second before responding with half-lidded eyes. "It means I don't know the difference between good or bad."

Bill scratched his nonexistent chin. "CLOSE ENOUGH."

"Well, all I have to do is tell myself to stay on the good side. That way, I'll get through the day while thinking how to undo this." Dipper turned away and took a candy bar from the shelf and started eating it. "Now, I just need to get some pitt cola, get back my basket of what I need to buy, and go back home, easy as that."

He finished the candy and threw the wrapper on the ground. Bill blinked as Dipper walked away and spat on the floor.

"WOW." the triangle chuckled. "HE ALREADY DOESN'T KNOW."

Dipper took a bag of pitt cola and the basket out of the shop, not even bothering to pay for it. The security tackled him to the ground, and the boy fought his way out of it. It got to the point that they had to tase him and cuff him afterwards just in cass.

"I THINK LLAMA ALREADY REALIZED HOW I'M HERE." Bill sighed, watching everything fade to darkness. "THIS WAS A SIGHT TO SEE. TOO BAD IT WAS JUST A DREAM. OTHERWISE, I COULDN'T EVEN BE HERE."

* * *

 **A/N: So... that was... erm, I don't know.**

 **If you wanna know what _cratheos_ , or any other word Bill uses, means:**

 _Cratheos /Cra-thee-os/ (n): hell, the void, purgatory_

 _Pejicle /Pe-hee-kl/ (n): a person's principles, morals, beliefs_

 **They're not real words. If you use them, you'd only look crazy. I only have it here because I wondered if Bill would use terms that are unearthly. I guessed, maybe so, thus I made them up. Also, '** _ **the void**_ **'. Haha.**

* * *

 **Further A/N: Yes, this is the first draft of chapter three. If you were wondering...**


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